I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

Hey op, I bet most who have been saying it's shallow, but wouldn't have minded if they got an amazing ring and would have proudly worn it instead of a haribo ring and clinging on the idea to make themselves feel better about "it's the thought and love". I've saved up for a lot of things in life and sacrificed a lot and the least my husband can do is save up for a decent ring that I could wear proudly and represent his love and commitment plus we find money for everything, why not for a decent ring?

Ignore sil she sounds like a pain in the hole. Next time she mentions her fabulous rings give your dh a big hug and tell her that love is more important to you than material things. If she persists, roll your eyes and say are you still banging on about this, does your dh never do anything else worth mentioning. Anyway, i can understand how you feel if your dh really didn't put much thought into choosing the ring. I picked mine myself, it was important to me that i got something that i loved, and of good quality, my dh didn't propose though, we decided together to get married. We are still married after over 30 years but i don't bother wearing the ring any more, it is after all just a piece of jewellery. If you really don't like yours, keep it somewhere safe, it is a symbol of your dhs love for you, and a memory of the proposal, and some day you might have a dd who absolutely loves it, despite it not being of huge value. And when you can afford it, treat yourself to a ring you love, possibly an eternity ring.

Lots of people are missing the point. It's not that that ring isn't to her taste, which I think is fair enough given she's the one wearing it every day. She loved it until she researched the ring and became snooty about the fact it was bought online and the story behind it wasn't fairytale or extravagant enough so much so that she's reading into her SIL's being happy with her engagement as a personal slight against her. It's all me, me, me and a shitty attitude to have.

It’s an unhappy place playing keepy up with Jones’. If you don’t like the look fair enough. To be complaining he didn’t spend enough sounds bratty.

If it’s that important then surely you save up your own money and go and pay for an overpriced piece of metal yourself? Why does your OH have to show his life by spending lots of money? It’s such an old fashioned notion. We used to be chattels, owned by our father and then our husband. The ring was a symbol of ownership not adoration.

Yabu but you already know that. Theres no problem with the ring. The problem is you are trying to compete with sil.

I don't like diamonds. I like to kid myself that it's all to do with the working conditions of people who mine diamonds, but in truth that's only a part of it, the whole truth is more materialistic than that. I hate that the difference between what you pay for diamond jewellery and what it's worth in resale value is so extreme. If a man is going to shower riches on me then I don't want it in diamond form because if he spends £10k on diamond jewellery I'll only be £1k richer. He might as well spend £1k on chocolate and set fire to £9k of bank notes to show his love for me, at least I'd have chocolate then.

Interesting. we jointly agreed that we would not buy an engagement ring at all. We had no money and we said we would sort it out later. We loved each other and that was what was important. Our wedding rings were made from an old piece of jewelry we melted down. No ring is as important as the man who gives it to you. Ten years later I got a really nice ring, but it did not really matter. My really strong advice is focus on what you have, as a relationship, rings in the greater scheme of things just do not matter, or at least should not.

Ooh, £1k on chocolate. Now that is love! Only Lindt though and only those milk chocolate ball things.

Hi OP. I have enormous sympathy for you because I know what it is like when something shouldn't matter but it does! For what it's worth I think that your DH did put a lot of thought into it because he wanted to surprise you and obviously wanted you to say yes. I don't know how you can reframe this in your mind but if he doesn't mind maybe you could change the ring in a few years? Please don't think of it as an upgrade just to change. I know a number of people who have change their engagement rings so it's not that unusual. Please don't let this affect your marriage and ignore your sister-in-law!

Ridiculous and ungrateful

Both my husband and my rings cost like 20£ they are just tokens, we barely even wear them tbh it’s not important - we spent the money on a holiday instead of expensive rings. And wouldn’t be bothered to ever upgrade them - what’s the point.

We are happily married, don’t need proof on our hands for all to see or anything and money can be much better spent then on jewellery

Please please don't equate "online" with "shit" my ring was bought online - with a lot of love care and attention and is better quality than any high street jeweller can offer.

But lack of care in a purchase will be there regardless....shop or online. Is this what you want from a partner OP?

If the ring has no bearing on the love felt, then why can't the OP swap hers without being told she doesn't deserve her husband?
I agree with a pp that there's too much competitive ' I wear a cheap ring that I don't like and am therefore a better person/more in love with my DH than you ' on this thread!

What is a promise ring? Never heard of it before.

I think it's a pre engagement ring. Which is mad because if you've decided to get married then that is an engagement, surely?
Maybe it's a placeholder ring - a cheapy to tide you over until you can afford the bling for materialistic women like me

I didn't get an engagement ring from either husband and had to get my own wedding rings.

I've had 3 engagement rings and 2 wedding rings.

The first engagement ring was bought very cheaply. My DH told me at the time he intended to upgrade it and he did. He bought me a very beautiful tanzanite and diamond ring. Not huge stones. Not overly expensive but I loved it. Problem was tanzanite isn't great for everyday wear and the band was so thin it actually wore through. Around this time I won some money. I wanted to get myself some jewellery with part of it but I don't wear a lot of jewellery. I discussed with DH the possibility of me replacing my wedding and engagement rings with something a little more durable. He wasn't out out at all. I have 2 rings which I love and wear every day. They're not to everyone's taste but I love them.

The point here is the sentiment behind the action. I'm sure if I'd gone to DH I hate these rings and you didn't put enough thought into them and I need new ones that you should pay for he would have rightly been upset. I love my rings. All of them. For different reasons and when covid is no longer making us quite so poor I plan on having them turned into another piece of jewellery that I can wear.

Oh my god, if this is real, I’m so embarrassed for you. 🤣

You’re way too materialistic. But your own ring and you can have anything you want.

Yabu op,it's a ring which hopefully symbolises your commitment and love to each other.it shouldn't matter the token used,it's the promise that matters and keeping that commitment strong and true.
Try to see it that way.say you did but a more expensive ring,would you hun your present one?or would you then realise it does hold some memories after all?
I hope you find happiness either way.

Bin not hun!

Poor Kate Middleton didn't even get a new ring or to choose it herself

I don't think you're ungrateful or a bad person OP. If people really didn't care about their rings, why do they even bother?
Did you ever chat to him about what you wanted before hand? I had spoken to friends and my sis so when he asked their advice they helped him. I deffo wanted something I liked and I don't think that's unreasonable. Men can struggle with these things without guidance! Did you choose your wedding rings together?
It's not about money but I'm sure lots of people wouldn't feel great if they knew their ring was very cheap. When you say cheap and online, what do you mean?

Maybe he bought it online because he didn't have a clue about jewellery and when he saw the one he bought, he liked it and thought you would too. Many men wouldn't know the first thing about jewellery - or are embarrassed to go to a shop if they feel they don't have a big budget. I like jewellery and buy my own. When I got married I didn't want a ring because I wanted to wear what I had already bough. My husband was a little disappointed but knew it was not because of him or the marriage. It was because I wouldn't have worn a wedding ring instead of the stuff I already had (and I don't like wearing more than one ring per hand at a time).

Gosh this is very materialistic, to find out it was bought on line, that it’s not as valuable as you thought, so to stop wearing it and be envious of others and then ask for an “upgrade “ is really shallow ans materialistic, and quite frankly quite unpleasant.

Sometimes the things folks admit to on here still surprise me.

I think the problem is with the SIL, not the ring. I suspect her marriage/life isn't as happy as she'd like you to believe or she wouldn't be so unpleasant. She's either very stupid insensitive or a nasty, competitive person. Is she always so passive aggressive in making you feel bad?