I hate my engagement and wedding ring

[tiredtimes100]

Just that really. Married for 5 years and still can't get over it. When he proposed it was beautiful because it was a ring that he proposed with but when I found out it barely had any diamond in it and was bought online it just made me feel shit. Like he didn't even bother making an effort to physically go in and have a look or ask me to go and look together (he wanted to surprise me).
My DSIL goes on about how much effort her husband went through to get her engagement/wedding and promise ring. I don't know if she says it to annoy me (it does) because it's sending out a message that 'my DH gave a shit yours didn't'. But that's not the issue. It's the fact that I don't want to wear it or even look at it anymore.

I like to say I'm normally grateful but I can't seem to get past this. I feel like it's ruined things such as me passing it on as an heirloom because it worthless. I know memories and love count for it etc. I love my DH but can't shake it off. I don't know if it's DSIL going on about hers has made me feel this way.

I've asked for an upgrade but I don't think it will happen for a while as we aren't in a position to spend money on a piece of jewellery and I guess sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter anymore.

Maybe I'm just being an idiot. I don't wear the rings anymore and it doesn't bother him because..why would it :(

People are so mean!!!!

Your husband may not have put much thought into your ring or maybe he did the best he could. Point is you don’t like it! Who cares why you don’t like it - you can’t pretend to like it! I can’t believe people think you should just accept it! Would they wear a jumper that wasn’t to their taste? Would the eat a plate of sweetbreads? Told to eat it because it was given and cooked by a loving husband. Absolute nonsense! And in RL if nobody cared their wouldn’t be such a big engagement ring market!

My advice would be to start looking at affordable styles you could upgrade to in the future. Whether you contribute or not who cares - the ultimate goal is to get a new ring that you love.

SIL is a bragging bitch so take no notice.

Point is you don’t like it! Who cares why you don’t like it - you can’t pretend to like it! I

She loved it until SIL started boasting about hers. That's the strange bit. If OP gets an upgrade and then SIL gets an upgrade, will it just keep on going - like an arms race? 😂

@rosieb060 even if I would say lazily sitting on the sofa browsing some ring takes less effort then going into multiple shops to try find the prefect ring. It just seems a little lazy

I have a cheap engagement ring. My husband also bought it online and used a discount code. I think it's sensible - and at £250 it's still the most expensive item of jewellery I've ever owned. I would have been upset if he'd spent a fortune, and when we went together to pick our wedding rings I chose a cheap one too (£90). I think both of my rings are gorgeous and my engagement ring is priceless in my eyes. It's a beautiful ring, but it's what it represents that matters the most.

I am wearing my ring 17 years now and it has most definitely not lost its metaphorical or physical sparkle. It is an object of great beauty and meaning to me and it does sometime live in a drawer but it is worn and admired (by me!) very frequently and it is always loved. I have not grown sick of it, or need it upgraded, or abandoned it so perhaps it was better 'value' than the cheaper rings that people get and then never wear?

I also love to have jewellery to mark special occasions and milestones in my / our lives and I wear it and love it and it means a lot to me.

I will always opt for handmade and the best quality we can afford and it is a lifetimes collection. It will all go to our daughter.

People are being such dicks to you @tiredtimes100
It’s not the ring so much as the thought and care you perceive went into choosing it, or not, that’s really upset you.
My DH went to a jewellers where you choose the style of band then you hand pick the diamond yourself. The thought of him tying himself in knots trying to choose the best one just made me explode with love because he knew and knows next to fuck all about diamonds but he wanted to take the care to choose the best he could afford and something he knew I would love. He says the ring is a symbol of “us” not just a ring for me, so he wanted to pick something he thought was special too.
He could have spent less than a quarter what he did and if he still spent the same time and care it would have had the same effect on me.
You say he spoils you in other ways though, and shows he cares, so I’d really try and let this one go. If it was part of a larger pattern then I could understand you holding on to your hurt a bit more.

She didn't love it until her SIL started bragging about hers. She loved it when she was under the impression that her dh had thought about what she would love the most and went out and selected her ring to surprise propose. It took the shine off when she asked about how he came to select this ring and learned that it was from the internet and it was cheap. And I can understand that disappointment

What are people imagining about online shopping that is so bad? Didn't realise ordering something online was the equivalent of obtaining it off the back of a lorry 🤣 or has he got it from the dark web?!
He probably got it from one of the high street stores mentioned throughout the thread but was able to have a really in-depth look to compare without feeling tied into buying there an then. Or maybe ordered from a retailer where you can get a superior diamond for your money and choose the style and setting.

There are some things that money can't buy. Love is one of them.

Oh - and your SIL is a bitch.

@LilacPebbles I guess because online shopping can be (not always) done somewhat passively so it feels like he did not put in a great deal of thought. I do also feel if I was to buy such an important item for my fiancé I would want to see it in person before I buy so I can make sure it really is perfect

Think of all those celebrities ( from A list to Z list ) and their usually blingtastic engagement rings.
So often their marriages fail and there's heartache that goes with it.
I know which I'd prefer.

I bought our wedding rings online - they’re both platinum and were an absolute steal online as the jewellers had no overhead costs. We paid a little bit extra to have them verified at a local jewellery shop (I realise in hindsight this was pretty bloody cheeky - I take my engagement ring to them for cleaning every other year or so if that makes amends). My husband is a living saint (and occasionally a pain in the arse) and without him I would be lost. The ring is a lovely thing but come on - it’s not important. Get over it or get yourself a ring of your own.

I never said it was the cost, I'm the opposite end of materialistic, to me a rings a ring. I'll never get the buzz over an engagement ring as I'm not a jewellery type person..id be mortified if someone spent thousands on me for 1 thing I didn't wear as prefer making sure kids have food on table and clothes to wear. If she wants why not the 2 go out together and get an eternity ring they both like rather than replace the ring.. Will her sister in law go get one, no because if she's as daft and boastful, I doubt her marriage will last forever. Nobody's feelings get hurt and poster gets a beautiful new ring to wear rather than the engagement ring she doesn't like

This thread is still hilarious - a nice ring does not mean your marriage is doomed! A cheap (or no ) ring does not mean you have a match made in heaven!

And I don't think it is for anyone to say 'it's not important' when the OP has said it is and quite a few of us have come on to say that having a really nice ring IS / WAS important to us and we still have happy functioning marriages - imagine that!

I think you are having a hard time on here. Obviously the love of your DH and your relationship is much more important than the ring but it is something you wear and see every day of your life.
If it was all he could afford and he put effort into choosing it thats great, but if, at the time of buying, he spent more on a hobby or a pair of trainers for example then thats pretty insulting.
So its all in the circumstances I guess. I did used to get ring envy sometimes, people do show off their engagement rings like some people show off their cars or homes or holidays etc and you sil obviously enjoys showing off hers!
Depending on funds could you ask for a beautiful eternity ring? Or if you get a windfall buy yourself a beautiful piece of jewellery.

I think both you and your SIL are odd. She sounds vile always commenting on how much her rings costs etc, who cares?
I understand where you are coming from, I’m so glad I went with dh to choose my ring I really am. However your dh did what he did and I think asking for an upgrade is a bit off.

This can’t be real. No one is this rude and self centred surely. This is a wind up. Is it like a lockdown joke that no one gets?

I see your point of view. It does matter. How much effort someone puts in speaks volumes. Actions speak louder than words and all that.
Engagement / wedding jewellery is symbolic and normally it is worn every day; so it’s important you like it. If he doesn’t understand then perhaps say you’ll choose his next car for him...

I don’t think you are being entirely unreasonable, after all you have to wear it! It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Buy a good quality fake- QVC diamonique or a second hand ring/diamond instead. I went through a few fake, cheap rings whilst choosing what to have/what style I wanted etc
I chose my own rings, because my DH literally has no interest in jewellery at all. He paid for them, that was the end of his involvement. If I hadn’t said I want a ring, I’m not sure what I would have ended up with. Try not to equate his lack of interest in jewellery with his love for you.

I don’t wear either of mine, not even sure wear they are. Still married. Why don’t you just ask for ring as a present, then you can wear on whichever hand you like.

OP, it honestly couldn't matter less.

FWIW I always suspect marriages to be in trouble if the woman has to tell the world what an effort he made. In a happy marriage you appreciate the daily stuff, the hugs and cups of tea when you are down, the listening ear, not the grand gestures.

What matters is how kind and loving the marriage is day by day. Do you have a laugh together. Do you have exciting plans for the future together. Does he support you in your goals in life? If yes, then honestly, you'd be fine with a ring pull from a coke can!

She didn't love it until her SIL started bragging about hers. She loved it when she was under the impression that her dh had thought about what she would love the most and went out and selected her ring to surprise propose. It took the shine off when she asked about how he came to select this ring and learned that it was from the internet and it was cheap. And I can understand that disappointment

She never questioned the ring's origin or how many shops her DH may have gone round until SIL started going on about the Story of Her Ring. OP then asked about her ring's past (after 5 years!!) and was no longer sure her ring could match up to the amazing story of her SIL and that's what has caused all this angst.

@rosieb060 well clearly I don’t as I don’t know this man personally but I don’t know what else you’d call buying a cheap ring online. In any case, she really hates it and she should get herself a new ring.

My engagement ring cost £120 from an antique fair, my wedding ring is worth about 80 resale. DH could now afford to buy me something worth a hundred times the value but it wouldn't be the one he gave me when he proposed or married me. It's symbolic. A 8k ring would be just that. A no meaning bit of bling . No thanks .

I’m an online jeweller and I think you’re getting a really rough time here. Firstly, don’t be too disheartened he didn’t buy it in person, he did the right thing in that department, buying online is waaaaay harder and faaaar more sensible, the savings are huge online and the choice is extraordinary, it’s far harder to choose online, and compared to the local high street, online is not the easy option. Give him the benefit of the doubt on that score, perhaps he was a bit overwhelmed by the choice.

The fact not much was spent is fairly normal especially if you got together when you were young and had other priorities and a wedding on the horizon, and that’s lovely. Now you’re in a different place, you’re not unfeeling or morally bankrupt for wanting a ring you love, we see loads of couples (who adore each other) who got married as kids without tuppence hapenny to rub together, and when they’ve got a few quid they buy a new ring, the original diamonds from the first ring can be worked into the new ring design, set into the band, or put in the jewellery box and treasured.

I’m very much of the mind that you have to wear your ring everyday, and you should love it. You don’t have to spend loads to get something amazing, and good jewellery bought well is like having a sparkly bank account so it’s not a waste of money. Most jewellers would do layaway so you can slowly pay it off and have something lovely to look forward to.

Don’t feel at all bad, you sound like you have a really good relationship with a nice bloke, you were thrilled when you got engaged, and that wasn’t to do with the ring at all, you’re not weird or unusual at all to feel the way you do now and you’ve got loads of choices, and no need to rush anything 👌💍