To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

I agree she sounds slightly unprofessional, but not replying to people's applications is also somewhat unprofessional. It doesn't need a strategy and frankly the "solution" is implied...reply to the emails.

Separately, managers who say "I don't want you to come to me with problems where you don't have the solution" were a regular occurrence at my last job and they were a sign of shit management. Sure, ask people to have a think about options before they come to you but in something (that's not really pretty basic, like this is) they may not have an answer. And that's okay, that's what we get paid to deal with - to manage and support more junior employees.

The other side of that is that I am more junior than some other employees: my job is to make our directors' work better. Sometimes that means making their lives easier. Sometimes that means standing up and holding them to account where otherwise we would be making an error that has consequences for our organisation. It often means expressing my opinion and the reasoning behind it, even when that's not the same as theirs.

I can be blunt but I can also be tactful. It took me a little while to get the balance right. As a rule, I find people mainly appreciate that I don't pussyfoot around, and I don't take any shit. They know where they stand, I know where I stand and mainly I am keen to help everyone get on as effectively as we possibly can. They know they can be honest with me, and vice versa. I'm sometimes a little unconventional but I am also damned good at my job. If this lady looks like she could be good with a little work, it might be worth putting that in.

What on earth is a brand ambassador 🙄

OK...EVERY applicant deserves a response of some sort, so in that she was right. However, the way she expressed herself to you showed a pretty big degree of disrespect.

It would have been so much better for her to have said, "Wouldn't it be better to contact all of them, let them know that you saw the application?"

OP. You are not going to get any sensible answers on AIBU. It’s full of contrary weirdos who love to get a rise out of strangers on the net.

However, I’m a senior executive assistant. I’ve worked in the finance industry in the City for over twenty years, I’m at the top of my game and well respected, I’m often asked for my opinion on all sorts of issues. I would never talk to my boss the way your assistant talked to you. So unprofessional it makes my toes curl. You are right to be annoyed and she needs to fix up. I’m embarrassed for her.

You are pissed because your assistant has manners and even though its only been a week as you continually keep stating, she thought of something you did not and that's why you are pissed off. Your assistant knows how to treat people whereas it was not even on your radar

@mussymummy

You are pissed because your assistant has manners and even though its only been a week as you continually keep stating, she thought of something you did not and that's why you are pissed off. Your assistant knows how to treat people whereas it was not even on your radar

Funnily enough from the OP’s posts, I’m not getting the impression that this assistant has manners or knows how to treat people.

Yes, she made a valid point about getting back to people. But the way she expressed it wasn’t with manners.

Neither is telling someone “I don’t think your idea is a great one personally”. It’s rude.
Explain to someone why you think that idea may not work and offer other suggestions. Shooting someone’s idea down in the manner this assistant did, is not manners. And with some people, could dent their confidence.

Turning up for a meeting 30 minutes late with no apology, is not manners.

The OP is NBU or over sensitive nor is she self important: in the workplace there is a hierarchy and an acceptable tone and this assistants attitude is unprofessional.

There's nothing wrong with having an opinion, it's how she expressed it and the language she is using is inappropriate, that is the sticking point.

@Maria53 tell her you've given her comment some thought and would like to provide some feedback. Then tell her you can see her angle but it's too short a time frame to decide potential clients have been "ghosted" as you are still assimilating information. That being the case, if she could continue to compile the database whilst that decision is still being made and draft a positive response for the rejections (to be decided) and you will go from there. Then request she refrain from using the term "ghosted" as it's not an accepted term and then thank her for her valuable input.

Feedback sandwich.

Be kind, interested but firm. This is your rodeo not hers and she needs to understand that professionally she is crossing some lines.

I'm not remotely surprised at the glut of posters on here who don't grasp these basics. How you behave day to day with friends/relatives/online is NOT to be taken into the workplace. I sugg

She could have worded it differently. You are not peers and it sounds like she doesn't understand that.

Well, she could say nothing, sit back and watch you screw up.

I do something similar to this as part of my job.
When undecided and we have far too many applicants, I simply send a standard email to all explaining a) we've had a huge response and won't be able to utilise them all and b) we'll be adding people to our system over the next month so not to worry if they hear nothing for 3 or 4 weeks.
Any we don't use by that point get a thanks but no thanks email and can we keep you on file for next time? If they then reply 'yes' they get filed as potentials should we just need a few we dip into that list.

Otherwise we just get bugged by 'have you decided?' 'do you need me?' emails that , frankly, are a complete waste of my time.

You need some management training Incidentally your assistant was right

I spent many years as an Assistant, and I suspect this has nothing to do with "the help voicing an opinion", and everything to do with the tone in which that opinion was voiced. The OP stated that this was new for all concerned, which implies that she and the assistant do not yet have a relationship of any kind, let alone one based on respect and trust. The assistant has been hired in a subordinate role, and imo, old git that I am, should show some respect at least in the way she offers her opinion.

I think it's ridiculous she used the word ghosted.

Personally I think yabvu.
Being senior to her doesnt mean she cant disagree with u. It doesn't mean she can't voice her opinion. Ultimately the voice at the top with decide on which vioce is listend to. But its very short sighted/arrogant of you to never what anyone junior to u to only every agree with u and tell u great things. You are senior to her. Listen to her and polite agree or disagree then move on with your decision. This should have been a non event for u. She thinks its bad practice. U don't. U are confident in your reasoning.

OP Management need not be a dictatorship approach! That's the old way!!
There are LOTS of new approaches to management these days. Try being more open and transparent, get your PA on board to help you make strategies, plans etc. This snowball approach means that as you move up and on you will take others moving with you at the same speed in the same direction towards the same goal! Job= easier, morale = way better!!

@dollyodee

OP Management need not be a dictatorship approach! That's the old way!! There are LOTS of new approaches to management these days. Try being more open and transparent, get your PA on board to help you make strategies, plans etc. This snowball approach means that as you move up and on you will take others moving with you at the same speed in the same direction towards the same goal! Job= easier, morale = way better!!

Exactly this. I think OP feels undermined by the way the assistant behaved. She needs to get the assistant to help as you have said

Christ you really are up your own arse OP. You wouldn't last 2 minutes in my job. We constantly question our manager or offer opinions at my work. He is younger and very good at his job but many of us are older and have more experience in different areas. Sometimes it even becomes a bit heated however he realises that we are just passionate and want the best for our customers. Plus your assistant is right a simple thank you for expressing an interest letter would take very little time to do but is polite and keeps people in the loop. Expect more questioning and comments OP. If you can't handle it then go find a lap dog

I have n’t read the whole thread, but I think you’re damaging your brand. Contacting potential brand ambassadors and not replying will give your company a bad name, particularly when you’re contacting more than you need.

@FelicisNox

The OP is NBU or over sensitive nor is she self important: in the workplace there is a hierarchy and an acceptable tone and this assistants attitude is unprofessional.

There's nothing wrong with having an opinion, it's how she expressed it and the language she is using is inappropriate, that is the sticking point.

@Maria53 tell her you've given her comment some thought and would like to provide some feedback. Then tell her you can see her angle but it's too short a time frame to decide potential clients have been "ghosted" as you are still assimilating information. That being the case, if she could continue to compile the database whilst that decision is still being made and draft a positive response for the rejections (to be decided) and you will go from there. Then request she refrain from using the term "ghosted" as it's not an accepted term and then thank her for her valuable input.

Feedback sandwich.

Be kind, interested but firm. This is your rodeo not hers and she needs to understand that professionally she is crossing some lines.

I'm not remotely surprised at the glut of posters on here who don't grasp these basics. How you behave day to day with friends/relatives/online is NOT to be taken into the workplace. I sugg

Exactly this.

I'm glad you're not my manager, all you keep on about is how busy you are? Makes me think you have no ability to delegate and actually manage people to be able to help you.

If you're doing the work of two people as you state you are, that's ridiculous and you need to assert yourself and tell your employer.

You might want to take some advice from your assistant with that.

The drip feeds were also ridiculous and just made me think that bits were added to make you sound right.

A good manager does not always say yes to their employer, they should be able to negotiate for their team.

You get on with your unpaid overtime, but don't moan about it. You could speak to your employer and explain?

As a manager, I am thrilled when staff make suggestions. For one thing it confirms I'm approachable enough for them to feel comfortable doing so and for another, quite often they are right and/or their ideas are worth hearing! I don't assume I'm always right just because I'm in charge and I wouldn't want my staff to either. Staff who question current practice are doing the right thing IMO.

^ this

Well, she’s right. It’s just rude not to reply, even it’s a ‘thanks, we’ll keep you in mind for future work’. If a company ghosted me I wouldn’t bother applying there again.

Oh god don’t become like teacher who “demands” respect because ...
accept that work, even senior positions are a two way working street.
It’s great they confidence to give their views. Tow heads better than one.
Fro
The start you sound like an upperty new boss type.

She's obviously had some bad experiences being ghosted herself and feels terrible about her team doing the same to clients. She has a point, and it's good she raises this with you not your boss. Given your reaction, maybe next time she'll go straight up the food chain. You should encourage her frankness and get her to draft a good response and see if she does so maturely.

I wish I could take back my ‘YABU’ vote. After reading the whole thread she sounds difficult to say the least. Good luck!