To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

Ive just quickly flicked through the thread and it does look in this instance as if your assistant is being rather tactless and unprofessional in the way she is handling herself .

However it is important for you to be able to accept constructive criticism even from someone that you consider to be below you in the hierarchical structure . For example taking the relationship between a PA and their manager , it is obvious who is in charge but the PA will bring a different set of skills and a manager who does not accept advice from them because they are an assistant tends to be showing both arrogance and insecurity.

So whilst in this instance I do think she needs a bit of coaching in professionalism , from the point of view of your own development it is good to be open to advice from all levels .

@AlecTrevelyan006

"It doesn't make sense to hire smart people and tell them what to do; we hire smart people so they can tell us what to do." Steve Jobs

I had no idea this quote existed but the first thing I tell new people at work is 'if we are doing anything you think could be better changed tell us!, we will listen and discuss'

It is what I am telling my son from the time he was little listen and learn and add to what you can in life but listening is a great skill as much as putting your ideas forward.

I’d want her to work on being polite and tactful but I wouldn’t want her to stop being critical. Assistants that do nothing but massage egos are awful in my opinion. I’d rather have a critical thinker who told me when they thought I’d dropped the ball.

I have to tell my bosses they are wrong all the time. It’s part of my job. I am the expert on certain subjects and share expertise on others. What your assistant said doesn’t remotely ping my radar as being inappropriate. It sounds like she is taking initiative; staying on top of things and considering company relationships. That doesn’t mean she is correct, but she is not wrong to express her concern.

*Why isn’t that normal? Are assistants not allowed to speak? Or have a mind of their own?

It sounds like this assistant is going places.^

Yes, the job centre, if she keeps pissing off her managers like this.

• "It doesn't make sense to hire smart people and tell them what to do; we hire smart people so they can tell us what to do." Steve Jobs*

I suspect that courtesy extended to the MD of a territory, but I very much suspect it didn’t extend to the MD’s admin assistant. People here are very black and white, aren’t they?

@abricotine

She didn’t make a suggestion. She was unprofessional. A decent assistant would have said “perhaps we shouldn’t leave it much longer; shall I send a quick holding email on your behalf?” She is very negative which doesn’t suggest a team player. Then again it’s very junior so maybe you could speak to her kindly and say you appreciate her raising it, but the entry on the spreadsheet was not office-appropriate language and you would prefer more constructive suggestions in future?

Good idea

I suppose you have to consider tones etc but I don't think what she said was bad

I think you're in the wrong job, or at the wrong level of seniority in that job, if can't work out how to manage your own assistant.

Most job adverts state that if the candidate as not heard anything within 6 weeks they have not been successful.
Employers do not have time to respond to everyone.

You do not have to justify what you are doing and she is not your equal she is a subordinate. If I spoke to my manager like that I would be in trouble

Some advice for the process, use a traffic light system, those with no chance give to her to send out a thanks but no thanks email.
Those maybe's send out a holding letter stating thanks for application you are now reviewing (this gives you room to call on them if you need to without making a commitment)
Those you like you can go after for more info.

I have been a brand ambassador and it is a privilege. You have to behave how the company expects as you are the face of their brand. If anyone gets snotty for not hearing back after a week, you might want to consider if they are the 'face' you are looking for.

Welcome to North Korea.

Seriously, if all you want from an assistant is someone who will kiss your arse, maybe this one isn't the one for you.

Depends on her tone, but I can't see that what she said is wrong. I give my opinions to my Manager all the time, because I have a particular expertise in my team, but am polite about it.

Was she hired for this project because she had experience in that area?
It could be that some of the applicants who weren't enthusiastic enough for you might have seemed to her as a better fit for your company or the particular product.

I was a manager and fully expected other members of the team to point out any deficiencies or omissions in my practice or work. I’d have been disappointed if they didn’t feel they could do it.

Ok, I’m going to go against the grain a bit here.

I work in our wider HR team (recruitment). The company I work for is very people focussed and we look at our own behaviours and how to adapt those behaviours when dealing with others, who may be very different to us in their behaviours.

Whilst she wasn’t wrong to challenge you around responding to people, it seems very clear to me from your posts, that she challenges in the wrong way and this sounds like something she needs to work on as part of her ongoing development.

Whether you’re a manager she’s speaking to is irrelevant. She needs to improve her style of communication overall by the sounds of it.

You can be direct and challenge things, but it’s about doing it in the right way so that you don’t rub people up the wrong way. Because they’ll only disengage with you when you do that. How you communicate with colleagues, determines how well they’ll engage and work with you in return. Something I think she needs to gain a better understanding of.

Good, effective managers take feedback well and either act on it or explain/discuss why they won't. You need to take a step back and maybe ask for some management training.

I would not worry about it. She wasn't really rude or horrid.

Irrelevant, but I have no idea what a brand ambassador is!

I agree with others that you need management training, and that your promotion had gone to your head a bit.

You say you're really overworked but your two ideas for responding to unsuccessful applicants has been "create a strategy" and create several templates to choose from. You're turning very simple tasks into big deals and people are going to notice.

YABU social media scouters and their lack of reality

Well I think surely most people would find that massively annoying. If someone said to me of something that I am responsible for "well I think that's really bad practice" I simply wouldn't give a shit about if it was the chief exec or the intern, it would grate on me big time!! I actually have a motto which is rather sad but due to lots of "big personalities" in the team - if you leave your ego at the door, we will then achieve so much more

However my ego (which is small) would struggle to stay at the door on this one. God I am annoyed for you op. Not an acceptable way to make a point. "I think it's really important to get back to people because X, y, z..." = Great thanks for your input. "Well I think that's really bad practice." = Fuck off.

In your position I would have explained to her that you are planning to get back to them but haven’t had time yet. I might then suggest that she drop them all a quick generic email saying thank you for their interest and that you will be in touch. It made me laugh that she wrote We ghosted them on the spreadsheet but I definitely would have asked her to change that and explained why it was unprofessional. She sounds like she needs some guidance re office etiquette and communication styles. But if she is the one receiving emails asking what is going on, then I can see why she might be eager to get back to them.

@SummerHouse

Well I think surely most people would find that massively annoying. If someone said to me of something that I am responsible for "well I think that's really bad practice" I simply wouldn't give a shit about if it was the chief exec or the intern, it would grate on me big time!! I actually have a motto which is rather sad but due to lots of "big personalities" in the team - if you leave your ego at the door, we will then achieve so much more

However my ego (which is small) would struggle to stay at the door on this one. God I am annoyed for you op. Not an acceptable way to make a point. "I think it's really important to get back to people because X, y, z..." = Great thanks for your input. "Well I think that's really bad practice." = Fuck off.

Yes, this is exactly what I was referring to in my point.

There’s a way to say things to people that don’t rub them up the wrong way. You can challenge and give feedback in a constructive way. Something this assistant needs to work on.

If you’re direct to the point of being rude, you’re immediately going to get someone’s back up and they won’t take on board anything you say from that point.

@Maria53

I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice.

I guess some here will just see it as sharing views - I'm not sure.

No matter the level of authority people should be able to tell someone that their way of conducting something isn't best practice. However, it all depends on her tone and if you feel it's wrong then nip it in the bud.

I don’t think telling a colleague that something they did amounts to bad practice is particularly offensive? Ultimately it is in everyone’s best interest to not bring the company’s reputation into disrepute. Especially if social media is involved. A viral scathing social media post from a popular influencer can decimate a company.

Being critical without offering a solution IS a problem imo. I think it is something you have to learn to do.

Isn’t it inferred that the suggested solution would be to respond to the influencers ASAP?