To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

Hmm do you think your to important now?. If someone expresses a mild interest you respond not ignore them!! She is right and you need to learn others have views. Did they not teach you this at private school! It was taught in state school !

If something is wrong, it's just wrong. Sometimes it can't be sugar coated. This week my boss asked me to translate Instagram hashtags into English, like, just literally translate them. I told her in no uncertain terms that this was wrong, not the point of hashtags, and I could suggest some trending hashtags in the same area but I wasn't a social media manager. No doubt she didn't like it, because it probably sounded like insubordination to her, but honestly, if you haven't thought something through or you're out of your knowledge area then you're sometimes going to look a bit daft. Happens to the best of us.

Meh. All this 'strategies' and 'templates' you think a manager needs.

You need to find a way to be MUCH more effective, both as an employee and as a manager. The clue is in the fact you are struggling to manage your time.

You can ask your line manager for access to training both for time management, and for person management.

One of the first things you will learn on a management training course is that an assistant is not there 'to make your job easier' - she is there ultimately in order to benefit the company for which you both work. Part of your role as a manager is to develop ways for HER time to be spent more effectively. If you cannot do this for yourself you are unlikely to be able to manage her.

It is OK to ask for help and training.

I'd start by stopping calling her your assistant, and start calling her your colleague. You're not better than her, but these posts scream that you think you are. You obviously know more about the business as you've been there longer, but she will have lots of other experiences to offer. She sounds frustrated by you, and you sound afraid of her. Do you feel threatened by her? Be honest. Do you coach her? Do you ask her opinion on things and genuinely want to hear what she thinks? Do you give her some independence and her own areas of responsibility? Or do you throw work at her like a bone at a dog?

I'd start by stopping calling her your assistant, and start calling her your colleague.

🥴

If you are having problems with the performance you should raise them with her manager, in a factual way. It can be difficult operating in a matrix management where you are responsible for overseeing work but don't have line management authority.

You also come across as very insecure and she is probably picking up on this. It sounds like you are trying really hard present yourself as more senior and this isn't coming across as authentic. Maybe you just need to focus on being you, rather than who you think you should be.

I also think it's worth considering what your assistant is saying and learn from it. Use their strengths to improve your work. If you haven't contacted the candidates for the brand ambassador roles, they may well loose interest or decide they don't want to work with you. A holding email is actually a good idea to keep them warm.

@switswooo

1 week is nothing, I’ve been applying jug to jobs and companies take 1m + to get back to applicants.

OP, if she was as good an employee as she is making out to be she should have drafted a response email to the rejectees and compiled a list of people to email. She’s your assistant, she needs to assist you!

But from my reading of it OP didn't put out a general advert, they contacted people directly to ask if they'd consider being brand ambassadors? If so I think that's quite different and not acknowledging their reply after a week is bad practice.

She sounds ace! I much prefer someone who is direct and speaks out, even if I disagree with what they're saying. I can't bear all the corporate talk of strategies, synergy and all the other guff!

It's constructive feedback.. My manager gives me constructive feedback all the time and I the same with her. We have a great relationship because of it.. I think she's allowed to express opinion... As long as she wasn't rude in doing so.

I’m not sure she’s getting much support from you either you clearly don’t like her op. Saying you do doesn’t make it true. She’s got your back up because you don’t want to be criticised .

Be a grown up about it. And you are not her manager. She may be doing elements of the same role as you due to work load, but that’s it. You need to get over yourself here.

Just because she's assistant to you doesn't mean she can't express opinion if she thinks your way of working isn't the best approach.. You're also not better than her either which is how you're coming across by your original post.

She will be in invaluable. She has standards and opinions. You don't want to surround yourself with yes people. Look what happened to Trump 🤣

I would absolutely flag bad business practices to management. Management who are unable to take constructive feedback would be a big red flag in any organisation I have worked for. YABU for being unhappy about this feedback, it is not unprofessional.

FWIW I think no reply or acknowledgement for a week is very poor practise. I work in a similar environment and I would say response within 48 hours is best practise.

What IS incredibly unprofessional is the comment in the spreadsheet. Very poor practice for anyone to do this. Incredibly shady or her as she is (in theory) publicly calling you out. I wonder if this came before or after her feedback to you? If after, perhaps she felt frustrated she wasn't listened to. Still doesn't justify this though!

I think she’s right to bring it to your attention. Perhaps she was concerned you weren’t going to reply. A holding email thanking them for their interest would be nice. You never know when you might need them in the future.

If I feel collegue is doing something that would reflect on us as whole I tell them same as I would want to be told if I was doing something wrong also.

Where I work my boss says there is no hierarchy we all work together and that included him, we all are treated the same there is no 'I am better or higher than you so I am more precious'

I would take what was said think about it, if I could improve I would or would tell them what I thought in return if I felt they were in the wrong

I also find I learn more by listening to others and not assuming I am right straight off

I'd get the assistant to put together a holding email - a week isn't too long to have left it, but probably timely to do it now.
Sounds more of an issue with the way she's worded it, but if you want to develop her in the role, you do need to encourage her to speak up rather than put her down, or feel uncomfortable that she is 'challenging' you.

In terms of not getting back at all - or after an interval of much more than a week, as the subject is brand ambassador, that will be on people's minds, and you're the Brand Ambassador for your organisation for the people that you've reached out to.
You never know when you may want to approach them about something else - or when they may be looking for someone offering similar services.

Apropos of nothing, op, when I came on the forum, in the 'Trending Now' box I saw: 'To feel hacked off with the way my ass'.

She sounds like she has autistic traits. Worth exploring in order to support the aspects affecting work both positively and negatively.

The assistant is making you look bad - they are lining you up to look terrible. The comment “we ghosted them” is emotive and extremely unprofessional and provocative. Disgusting.

She’s making you look bad and lining herself up for your role. Also, the company sounds a bit crap TBH. Good to see you have an exit strategy. Good luck OP, you are NOT being unreasonable!

@DotBall

She sounds like she has autistic traits. Worth exploring in order to support the aspects affecting work both positively and negatively.

Is this actually serious? a person tells someone they are doing something they think is wrong so they have to be autistic? seriously?

@Pebbledashery

It's constructive feedback.. My manager gives me constructive feedback all the time and I the same with her. We have a great relationship because of it.. I think she's allowed to express opinion... As long as she wasn't rude in doing so.

It’s hardly constructive feedback writing facetious and unprofessional comments in a spreadsheet

@Bootikin

The assistant is making you look bad - they are lining you up to look terrible. The comment “we ghosted them” is emotive and extremely unprofessional and provocative. Disgusting.

She’s making you look bad and lining herself up for your role. Also, the company sounds a bit crap TBH. Good to see you have an exit strategy. Good luck OP, you are NOT being unreasonable!

Far out!

Maybe she is receiving messages from them asking what is happening. I would be feeling bad leaving people hanging like that.

Now reading the drip feed... turning up late to a meeting and not apologising is also very unprofessional.

My boss once handed me a document and said "read that then tell me what I think". He knew I was an expert in the area and equally he knew he was going to be in a meeting where our groups response would be required.