To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

I've had a look and I didnt reply to ONE message a week ago. Fair enough to bring it up but really bad practice is ott

And lol to the people saying she wants my job...she has no concept of everything I do. I have got 2 really difficult time consuming projects over the line this week separate to what I do with her. There is nothing stopping her from replying to 1 unanswered message herself.

I have certainly been put in the position of being an LM without the appropriate training and when it is not my job. So if I dont develop her no one else will. But the hard part is I cant really talk to her about being professional either. It's a weird position to be in

I kind of agree with her. She is probably thinking not replying will make the company look bad, and ruin the option of going back to these leads if needed in the future.

I think it was a good suggestion. Her speaking up was a bit bold but then is she just there to file, or to have an opinion?

I'd get her composing and sending out a holding letter tomorrow. It would be better practice, really. Don't get hung up on where the good point came from. Just take it on board.

@Wowthisisreal I think her 3 month appraisal is coming up. If I was her LM I would be bringing that up. A sorry was all that was needed.

Being critical without offering a solution IS a problem imo. I think it is something you have to learn to do.

And thinking up a strategy sounds like nothing much will happen soon - whereas this just needs a 'ok yes you're right / can you get a response together and then send it out? Today'

So, she has a LM, but it's not you. Then manage the situation. She is on the project you manage, and you don't like what she's doing. Get her LM to talk to her.

Unless you'll feel silly saying 'Stop her making suggestions' and 'She keeps undermining my power'.

@Maria53 I do think you need to be clear though.

In the OP you're upset she disagreed with you and flagged bad practice and you indicate you feel it wasn't her place to do so as you are management. It 'stopped you in your tracks'.

Now you are saying you feel she needed to come up with a suggestion herself. It's a bit contradictory.

If you weren't open to the feedback what is to say you'd be open to a possible solution? Perhaps she had an idea but your reaction made her rethink sharing?

Be honest, before you wrote this thread, if she had said, "it's bad practise to not get back to people, I think we should go back to people." Are you saying you would have been fine with it? Because it sounds like you wouldn't based on your original post.

I have to agree with your assistant.

She's going places without a doubt

If this is in relation to social media/influencers, a week in their instantaneous world is like a year in the real world.

I would avoid phrases like its still a learning curve for me.... it may be, but she doesn't need to know that . This is telling her that you are unsure of yourself which is putting yourself down. I would have a Frank but professional discussion with her to explain again the reasons why a week was necessary and acceptable. In addition , the word ghosting is a negative phrase not professional for a work environment. Also.ask.her why she put the word.on the spreadsheet when 1) is that the type of terminology we should be using 2) when you had already had the discussion about the delay being acceptable and the reasons why . Il similar to you , I wouldn't talk to a manager like that, however, we are not all the same and try and embrace her giving her Frank opinion . However don't let her know you have self doubt and make sure you have a conversation about the spreadsheet to establish standards.moving forward

You really don't need a 'strategy', just a courteous email back to the people who made the effort to get in touch and put themselves forward.

I feel like I am reading a script from The Office with this thread.

I did take the feedback! I said to her we can put together a strategy which seemed reasonable? It is the fact she replied again after that saying it is very bad practice. She isnt accepting my suggestion to collaborate on a good strategy.

You seem to think 'lets collaborate on a strategy' is a reply, it isn't, it's a completely empty statement which was presumably interpreted as missing or ignoring her point. She wasn't being critical without offering a solution- the solution is obvious.

Not replying to an email for a week is a little rude and probably the type of people who are 'brand ambassadors' might be unused to that and a little put off. The 'strategy' is easy- send some emails.

She sounds a little blunt. I would value that but I would also be clear that some people would misinterpret it and counsel her on what I want her to do.

You come across as very defensive and with a very heirachical way of thinking. You keep refering to her as your assistant but is that her actual title? If so I can't see why you would not be her line manager.

If I was one of only two people working on a project with which I have no experience, I would want them giving very honest input and to be working in quite an egalitarian way- no matter how junior they were.

@Mancala57

You really don't need a 'strategy', just a courteous email back to the people who made the effort to get in touch and put themselves forward.

I feel like I am reading a script from The Office with this thread.

You nailed it!

Yes, either that or the situation is a tube and how much can we squeeze out of it

I think her 3 month appraisal is coming up. If I was her LM I would be bringing that up.

I agree it needs correcting but not saving for an appraisal. After the meeting you remind her that if she's late she should apologise. Easy.

I think if you feel you need to devise a strategy for how to respond to emails appropriately then this may be why your job is taking so much time. You don't need a strategy. You approach the brand ambassadors, send a holding email and then review your list.When you have decided who you want, you mail the others a polite no thanks.Thats the end of it. It's a very quick and easy task. If you are not her line manager I shouldn't worry to much about her being late, or abrupt. Thats between her and her LM.

As a senior manager, there’s little I find more irritating than one of the team getting annoyed with another member of the team (who isn’t a direct report) for a perceived “disrespect of status”. We’re people not peacocks ffs.

I agree with her to an extent- you've reached out, they e taken the time to reply. Whilst you might not use them on this project- they may be useful with another one. If I replied to an email and said sure sounds good and heard nothing, I wouldn't want to work with you if you emailed me again. Have her send a generic thanks for your interest, if you are suitable for this project we'll be I touch email. Then you leave the door open to a future collaboration.

She is right that you shouldn't leave people hanging when they are responding to your request for
help. You shouldn't be sending anything out without a plan in place for handling responses.

This woman sounds fed up with your inaction but doesn't quite have the skills to make it right.

You'd be better off working together - she sounds pretty on the ball. You can learn how to run an email campaign from her and she can learn about tone of voice and how to spellcheck from you.

@Maria53

I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice.

I guess some here will just see it as sharing views - I'm not sure.

She may be your assistant, but she's not your servant who has to agree with everything you say. It's not against the law for people to express contrary options.

Also your potential leads could be upcoming celebs I’m guessing....in which case I wouldn’t want to alienate them from your client so your assistant is spot on.

*contrary opinions

You don’t need a strategy to send a rejection email OP.

She’s right, you shouldn’t have delayed responding to them. I’m a senior assistant and have, plenty of times, had to question something my bosses have/have not done. One of these is the senior partner. Luckily, they all respected my opinions as I’m not a lesser person than them.

Going by her language, your assistant hasn’t warmed to you. Are you perhaps giving off (as you are in this thread) a sense that you think you are “better” than they are?

@flaviaritt

She can be very direct. In a meeting the other day I was annoyed because I came up with an idea which my LM liked. Assisstant said 'oh I don't think that is a great idea personally....' !

Cue everyone pretending this is absolutely normal and fine. 😂

Why isn’t that normal? Are assistants not allowed to speak? Or have a mind of their own?

It sounds like this assistant is going places.

As a manager, I'd feel that I had failed if a member of staff didn't feel able to give me honest feedback. Yes, it's helpful if they can come with solutions, but that isn't always possible. I'd hate to be so hierarchical that someone didn't feel able to express a genuine concern.

Whether you agree with the feedback or not is irrelevant. If you disagree with her, or find her use of terminology inappropriate, then tell her that. However, don't create a culture in which the people below you can't speak their mind.

I have certainly been put in the position of being an LM without the appropriate training and when it is not my job. So if I dont develop her no one else will. But the hard part is I cant really talk to her about being professional either. It's a weird position to be in

Of course you can, you don't need to be a line manager or training to give someone new and inexperienced working for/with you on a project a bit of friendly guidance or a steer in the right direction.

She didn’t make a suggestion. She was unprofessional. A decent assistant would have said “perhaps we shouldn’t leave it much longer; shall I send a quick holding email on your behalf?” She is very negative which doesn’t suggest a team player. Then again it’s very junior so maybe you could speak to her kindly and say you appreciate her raising it, but the entry on the spreadsheet was not office-appropriate language and you would prefer more constructive suggestions in future?

"It doesn't make sense to hire smart people and tell them what to do; we hire smart people so they can tell us what to do."
Steve Jobs