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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner still legally married - AIBU

215 replies

LegallyBlonde30 · 05/11/2020 18:44

I have been with my partner for 6 years. I have just given birth to our second child. He supports us all, we rent a nice flat in a nice area and have a good relationship but he is still legally married to his ex wife, whom he has 2 older children with. I try not to pressurise him and ruin what we have but it is starting to bother me that technically, I have 2 kids with a "married man". Whenever I ask about it, he says he will divorce her eventually, but that it is expensive and he is waiting until he can afford it. He is also worried she will try and take money from him. AIBU?

OP posts:
Newfornow · 05/11/2020 19:02

This is madness. Tell him to divorce her. You are in a vulnerable position

LEELULUMPKIN · 05/11/2020 19:02

No "technically" about it.

You have two kids with a married man OP.

As his legal spouse isn't she his next of kin then too?

You are in a very vulnerable position.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/11/2020 19:02

Please tell me you have your own income separate from him?

movingonup20 · 05/11/2020 19:04

Divorce costs £550 online!

Mycircusmymonkey · 05/11/2020 19:05

I hope you are financially independent and keep your finances very seperate.

Original poster
LegallyBlonde30 · 05/11/2020 19:07

My partner owns 2 successful gyms and he is worried she will try and get a lot of money out of him. He does pay her maintenance and no, I don't have my own income, he supports us. I don't know what his ex wife thinks about is as I've never asked her or him.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 05/11/2020 19:07

Talk to a solicitor about how to improve your position. If he's not divorced her after 6 years he's not going to.

MissConductUS · 05/11/2020 19:09

My partner owns 2 successful gyms and he is worried she will try and get a lot of money out of him.

If the gyms are marital property she already owns half of them. This is another bit of information to give the solicitor.

peachypetite · 05/11/2020 19:10

Why have you put up with this for SIX years and had kids with him?!?!

Mycircusmymonkey · 05/11/2020 19:10

Blimey if he dies she gets a jackpot and you get jackshit

Marchmarch · 05/11/2020 19:11

Do you live with him? Is it his house?

Original poster
LegallyBlonde30 · 05/11/2020 19:12

@Marchmarch

Do you live with him? Is it his house?
Yes we live together but it is rented
OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 05/11/2020 19:12

So he doesn't want his wife to have what she is legally entitled to?

I don't fancy your chances without any of those legal entitlements OP.

Marchmarch · 05/11/2020 19:12

Oh I see you are renting. This gets worse.

Marchmarch · 05/11/2020 19:13

Sorry crossed posts.

What else do you know? Who owns the wife’s house and how much is owing on it?

Original poster
LegallyBlonde30 · 05/11/2020 19:14

@Marchmarch

Sorry crossed posts.

What else do you know? Who owns the wife’s house and how much is owing on it?

She rents too
OP posts:
EarPhones · 05/11/2020 19:17

She has legal right to marital assets and is probably not bothered if having a longer marriage on record works in her favour. She might inherit all of it in worst case scenario.

GroundAlmonds · 05/11/2020 19:18

I think there is a probably a reason he doesn’t house any of his partners in owned properties. Does he own property elsewhere.

He is being incredibly greedy and slightly stupid.

FelicityPike · 05/11/2020 19:19

She’s going to get (at least) 50% of EVERYTHING. The house, the businesses, his pensions, the lot.
If he’s ever in an accident or needs urgent medical attention you can’t consent as you’re not his Next of Kin.
As everyone else has said you’ve put yourself in a helluva position here.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/11/2020 19:19

Jeez give the girl a break.

So this is why. It's not the cost of the divorce, it's because she will be legally entitled to half the assets by the sounds of it.

He needs to sort out a will or you will be in serious financial trouble if he dies. If you think you can manage on half what he makes now, then you are not being unreasonable to expect him to divorce her.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 05/11/2020 19:19

There is no such thing as a legal next of kin in English law, except in limited cases involving under 18s.

FelicityPike · 05/11/2020 19:20

Cross posted....so not houses.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 05/11/2020 19:20

I take it you understand she is very likely legally entitled to half his business?

vanillandhoney · 05/11/2020 19:21

If he died tomorrow, she would get everything and you'd be homeless as you have no income of your own.

He can clearly afford a divorce Hmm

AcornAutumn · 05/11/2020 19:21

@LegallyBlonde30

My partner owns 2 successful gyms and he is worried she will try and get a lot of money out of him. He does pay her maintenance and no, I don't have my own income, he supports us. I don't know what his ex wife thinks about is as I've never asked her or him.
Well, that’s your answer

He’s more worried about paying her than he is about leaving you and his children penniless if anything happens to him.

But he can’t delay divorce forever, can he? I thought after five years one party could go for divorce without the consent of the other.

You need to think about your finances and I mean yours, not his.