Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

[WendyToba]

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

I would not be sharing the cost of their few bottles of wine.
Were they drunk ?

Look up the prices on the website. A WKD would be £4.50*, their bottles of wine more like £12 each. Then ask why she thinks you should be subsiding her drinking.

*total guess, I haven’t drink it since I was a teenager.

Reply with the visit of a bottle if blue wkd (under 4 quid) vs the cost of several bottles of wine (20quid plus). And if it was me I would also tell her that quite frankly you think she has a cheek to suggest you should have split that with them when you didnt drink any.

You need to nip her thinking like that in the bud asap. Bloody cheek.

*cost of a bottle

nimb No, don’t think so. SIL’s friend was a bit tipsy but SIL is a hardened drinker so didn’t even seem a bit pissed

And SIL wouldn’t have been drunk texting me this morning

I don't quite follow the logic. This should have been sorted at the time. Seems like she's just trying to start an argument by saying it now.

Only way this would make sense to me is if you had previously been out and you were left owing a round at the end of the night.

I would reply "We all paid for our own. I thought that was fairest as I only had one drink. Not sure what the issue is?"

I don't really understand why her friend liking her is relevant. What do you normally do? I don't know how much drinks are ( I don't drink in pubs or bars) but guessing a small bottle of that would be less than wine. Why should you pay for others alcohol? And who drinks a few bottles of wine at lunchtime with their kids? A few to me is more than 2?

I wouldn't engage further. You've given your reasoning. If she's going to come back saying 'why' when you've explained, like an argumentative child, it isn't worth your while to humour her.

Soov in their defence it was a 6 so not lunchtime at all

She is being really cheeky. I would just reply really factually, something like ‘my one WKD was £4 whereas each bottle of wine was £15 so it obviously wouldn’t have been fair to split it equally’ and leave it at that.

Not the point but two women in charge of small children had “a few bottles” of wine between them?? They must have been absolutely trashed and in no state to parent.

There’s usually a conversation about how to split the bill, where you’d presumably say “let’s all pay for our own shall we?” Not unreasonable at al for you to do that but assuming they must have been absolutely incapable with drink perhaps they’ve forgotten what you actually ate and drank?

How many bottles of wine were there?

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’

I wouldn't text back, I'd call her and act confused. "Sorry SIL I thought I'd give you a quick call because I didn't understand your text - what on earth are you talking about? I didn't drink any wine last night!"

Look up the menu online and add up what you had then show her tell her you more than paid your share and you don't actually think it's a problem that they paid for their own meals and drinks.

You paid for your share. Splitting the bill only works if you've consumed broadly the same, which you didn't. She is BU to think otherwise and even more U to raise it with you. Is she usually confrontational given any opportunity?

Ah, x-post.

Reply "ah I didn't realise that was the etiquette - we can share the wine and cost next time :)"

SIL knows full well I don’t drink wine as it gives me migraines

I'd say "why didn't you suggest this at the time? Is it because you were too pissed to know what was going on?"

X post.
Point out that sharing is a two way thing. Like getting a big sharing dish and splitting the cost with you all eating equally. What she's complaining about is not you not sharing, it's you not subsidising her and her friend.

I'd say "why didn't you suggest this at the time? Is it because you were too pissed to know what was going on?"

I could never Haha, I wish I could. Are there people out there who would actually say this to someone?

Oh, and ask her what exactly she shared with you!

Sounds like they wanted to split the meal, and because they had a 3rd person, would be able to drink more as you would be subsidising them.

I hate those type of people

Unless it’s agreed on before you even order, just pay for what you eat and drink!

I replied ‘that it only works if we had roughly the same. We didn’t! What are you on about lol’

I don’t have a response but will tell you what she says

I will pay you your weight in chocolate if you say to her - really, what you are complaining about is that I didn't pay for part of your meal, right? 😁