Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

[WendyToba]

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

Cheeky buggers! I wouldn't be rushing to go out with them again any time soon (a positive gift from Covid/lockdown!)

I didn’t share the wine!

Vetti Only if it’s chocolate orange that’s on offer

@WendyToba

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’

'If that's the sort of thing you are used to doing then that's the sort of thing you should discuss first. It's not how I do things'.

She’s bonkers.

Reply with “everyone paid for what they had, you can’t get fairer than that.”

Ask her to forward the receipt so you can have a look. See what comes back.

Good on ya. I think if they dont come back with an apology, I wouldn't reply again..or see them again tbh.

@WendyToba

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’

Oh, I hate this sort of thing.

How, precisely, is it “fair” for you all to split the cost evenly when one of you is having drinks that cost maybe a third of what the others drinks cost?

How is it “fair” to make one person subsidise someone else’s drinks?

It’s not fair at all and it comes across as her trying to freeload off you.

Sharing only works when everything has similar food and drink. What she is actually suggesting is that you subsidise her and her mate and not by a minor amount.
Total cheeky fuckery from her and her mate, when they had steak and wine and you had chicken nuggets and WKD, hardly fair.

A "few" bottles of wine?! Between 2 of them? How many?

Oh, so they have the hump as you didn’t subsidise them. If it bothered them that much why didn’t they mention it at the time?! Splitting is fine in my world if you roughly have the same, if not then no

The reply is a harsh one.

She said ‘We were just being nice inviting you out with us. Just thought you’d be kind and share. Never mind, but now I’m a bit skint. Can you lend me £10 until tomorrow? Need cash for a school trip that needs to be in after school today latest 🙏’

I’m really upset to read that. She knows I’m a bit lonely here. My own family are 70 miles away and I moved here as it’s H’s hometown. I thought I’d been included. Clearly I’m just an ATM. Awful as I’m just so lonely especially during COVID crisis

I don't ususally say this but what a cheeky fucker.

I wouldn't reply.

Schools aren't doing trips.

A "few" bottles of wine?! Between 2 of them? How many?

That was misleading of me. I think they only had 2 bottles, so not a few. Sorry

@WendyToba

Vetti Only if it’s chocolate orange that’s on offer

Deal. 😁

Cheeky cow. Your last response was spot on. If you'd split the bill equally you'd have been subsidising their meal to the tune of about 15 quid each (depending on cost of x bottles of wine). Nope, get lost scrounger.

Schools aren't doing trips.

Her DC’s is. It’s a nature trail type of thing. They make a donation every so often for the lunch they take and other materials. Can’t remember what they are

WOW what a bitch.

Ignore that text!

Bloody manipulation bingo right there!

Be nice by paying for my wine

Be kind by subbing my drinking

I prioritised going out and getting pissed above my child's needs.

Bore off.

@WendyToba

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’

It seems that SIL wants to share your money.

My reply back would be way harsher

“Maybe you need to learn to manage your money better and budget. You shouldn’t have gone out for dinner if you wanted to pay for the school trip”. I hate it when people do the “never mind” thing, it’s always so indulgent.

I get a vibe of CF so l wouldn’t even reply and wouldn’t ‘lend’ any money as you won’t see it again. She will justify it as you paying her back

I hate splitting bills for this reason. Someone always pays for more than they got.

She sounds like a horrible piece of work. If she couldnt afford her wine she shouldnt have had it.

That's a horrible reply from your sil. I'd ignore her begging. In fact, don't reply at all. And get your dh to have a word with her.

Is this for real? That’s the most manipulative shit I’ve ever read. She splashed out on alcohol, blames you for not paying for it, and now expects you to fork out for her child’s trip to make up for your lack of kindness.

The mind boggles. What a waste of space. Ignore ignore ignore.

I would reply - Why on earth do you think I should pay towards the 2 bottles of wine I didn't drink?