Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

[WendyToba]

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

If she's so close to the wire that she can't pay £10 for a school trip and yet still goes for a meal out ordering steak (presumably one of the most expensive items on the menu) and a whole bottle of wine for herself then she's either just reckless and irresponsible or she's got genuine alcohol problems. Paying her way would just be enabling that behaviour. (As well as being totally unfair on you, obviously).

sharing is just what we do around here to be fair

Ignore her. People who are into sharing don't expect others to pay for their own purchases. Sounds like you've learned the lesson your husband learned a while ago.

@sapnupuas
Tbh you’re right - there is no evidence of this from her friend, only what sil is saying.
Although saying that - I would completely distance myself from both & find totally independent friends of the sil as after the latest text I wouldn’t feel comfortable spending time with either them.

I get that some people are sadly like this in rl but shocked that they are so blatant about it?!

Wtf?

Your sil has some brass neck. I'd reply with what @Greenkit has suggested. Perfect response 👌

Why would she expect you to pay for their wine? Why don't people just pay for what they eat I do not understand it ffs

Her reply about sharing, the whole point is - it isn't fair. You didn't have wine, you shouldn't have to pay for it

It sounds as if you paid for more than you ate. Work out exactly what you spent and graciously tell her that the difference is your contribution to her £10.

I’m teetotal and there is no way I would ever contribute to anybody else’s order of alcohol. I don’t care how uncomfortable others feel (I sure as hell don’t ) when I point this out to them.

Oh OP. I'm sorry you've been treated like that. Your SIL is clearly a CF. It doesn't sound like it's much of a loss if you don't go out with her again.

Go OP! Thought this would be one of those frustrating threads where the OP let's people treat them like a doormat but good for you.

She must have fully expected that you would drink very little and then subsidise her wine consumption. If you had drunk at the same rate as her and her mate, your share of the bill would have covered your own wine and she would still have had to cough up for hers. That is some major CFery!

@WendyToba

Schools aren't doing trips.

Her DC’s is. It’s a nature trail type of thing. They make a donation every so often for the lunch they take and other materials. Can’t remember what they are

She should have thought of this before she had a bottle of wine and let her kids choose desserts that weren't included in the kids' meal menu.

Tell her you are a bit short yourself this month and can't afford it.

I'm shocked that you paid 25 quid for nuggets, olives, cheesecake and a wkd, you wouldn't even pay that much here in Ireland and we're known for marking up food and drink prices.

I know you've been texting her but I think I would have just said, splitting the bill is fine if everyone has similar priced food and drink , not when some of the group is having wine. It's not fair to expect the person having the cheapest amount to pay way over the actual cost. If we do go out in the future I'll pay my own bill separately and that way you and your friend won't need to have a bitching session as to how much I paid.

(You will never see that tenner again you lend her it.)

Agree with @SchadenfreudePersonified she probably thinks that a tenner is what you owe her and would probably feel justified in not repaying it (since you didn't sub her meal). She is CF and I'm relieved to see you sticking up for yourself.

@WendyToba

Soov in their defence it was a 6 so not lunchtime at all

Sorry misread. But at 6pm I'm still surprised.

She's nasty & stupid with it!

No loss, but obviously it hurts when you realise that someone who you thought liked you actually doesn't.

Flipping heck.

Here's some pity you didn't ask for, now pay me for it.

She should be embarrassed but, invariably, her type never are.

I wonder if she will double down and carry this on, trying to get money out of OP.

SILzilla or Winezilla in the end, maybe.

Wow she sounds like a grade a ass! If your kid comes first don’t order steak and wine, she could have had a cheaper meal still had a nice time and afforded the school trip.

Don’t ever lend her money she doesn’t care about you at all.

Love that you only got invited to help pay for part of the meal like a social Prostitute and then acted like they were the saints for “being nice”

I would reduce contact if possible

She’s ridiculous, I’m sorry you’ve been left feeling shitty though OP.

I also wanted to say though that these are exactly the sorts of threads the daily fail like to pick up as ‘news’, and given you’ve said enough for these two women to identify you, I’d be circumspect about posting very much more here now.

Did you include all your drinks in your totting up?

She's a cow either way but I wondered if you'd left them short.

God, she sounds awful. I really wouldn't spend any more time thinking about her. Definitely don't lend her any money, cheeky mare.

I haven't had a WKD in YEARS. Your post brought back fond memories!

I think I'd reply "Well TO BE FAIR, where I come from we don't think it IS fair to expect others to pay for our meals and wine.

Secondly, I am not an ATM and I can't lend you any money as I am skint.

Thirdly, I don't need you thinking you are doing me a favour by inviting me out just to cover the cost of your boozing.

Fourthly, why are you asking me for money? Ask your mother, brother etc, you know, some you are actually related to.

And finally, just fuck off you cheeky fucker.

If she’s “a bit skint” why is she going out for dinner and buying bottles of wine etc.. talk about priorities.
She sounds like a dick .

I agree with the PP: as outrageous as she's being about the cost of her alcohol, the fact that she and her friend drank an entire bottle of wine each whilst in charge of small children is seriously neglectful Or were they counting on you not just paying for their wine but also looking after their kids whilst they were incapable of properly doing so, having drunk said wine?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt that the trip does exist and need paying for, it would be shameful enough if she'd spent their trip money on herself at Starbucks; spending their money on something that also puts them in danger sounds quite neglectful to me. I'd wonder if she has form for it.