To consider letting DD stay alone overnight?

[DreadingSeason2020sFinale]

Sorry, may be long.

My dad is dying. He lives at the other end of the country so when the time comes, DH and I will need to go there for a couple of days for the funeral.
MIL lives two streets away in our small, quiet village.
DD who is 14 years old wants to sleep in the house at night on her own with the cat, and her sister (11) and brother (8) can go stay at gran's. She doesn't want to sleep in gran's double bed with her siblings and says she can look after our cat this way too but accepts that cooking while at home alone would be off the table so could eat a hot dinner at her gran's house then leave.

Now, with anyone else's kid it would be an immediate and obvious hell no, too young, however, DD has consistently proven herself to be mature, sensible and very independent so I'm actually considering saying okay! I just don't know. Am I crazy?

She gets herself up in a morning. Refuses (politely) all offers of a lift to school and has never been late, sorts her own breakfast and lunch, organises her own uniform and PE kit, (DH and I still do the laundry but once washed and dried the kids deal with their own), she never stays up too late and goes to be without any prompting, I haven't needed to wake her up for school in a good 6 years now, she happily 'babysits' (it's not really required as the younger kids don't need watched) her siblings and even cooks them a lunch if we're out a while, and is generally just a really good and mature young lady. Far more so than I ever was or am now

If anything, I often feel a bit sorry for her because she's that "grown up" I wonder what she's missing out on. I'm as daft as a brush and quite frankly, never half as serious as my girl is.

I appreciate there's people from all different places on MN but for us so will have a completely different perspective of dangers, but for us, we are in a quiet village where people don't lock doors when home during the day so physical safety from others isn't a huge concern. I know she would be more than fine (especially considering our neighbours/friends) are right here 24/7) but it's just not sitting right with me. I cannot think of any reason at all to say no except for the fact she's 14.

What would you do?

I can't believe how many are saying they would and it's okay. 16 is the youngest it's recommended, FOR A REASON.

Has she been alone at home for evenings? She sounds very sensible so if she is prepared I think it is fine. Does she have an equally sensible friend who could sleep over to keep her company if their parents were ok with it?

I can't believe how many are saying they would and it's okay. 16 is the youngest it's recommended, FOR A REASON.

It depends on the child. My kids would be fine, they’re mature and sensible. I know 18 year olds that I wouldn’t trust at home alone though.

Sounds like you have the perfect daughter OP and as such I think the least you can do is reward her with some trust. I’m sorry about your Dad.

I would, my Mam did similar with me when I was 14, I was absolutely fine. Gran lived a street away and kept checking on me

Thanks @Angelina82 I am so very, very proud of her every day though I do worry sometimes that she is missing out on a few rights of passage with being the way she is. When I was her age I was dossing about with my mates, going clubbing at 15, staying up til the early hours and trying to get out of going to school the next day because I was so tired and refusing completely to get out of bed and naughty me, I even smoked (something which she would be disgusted at) My mother had checked out at parenting when I was around 12 so lived my own life, cooking my own dinners with DSis, working my part time job and buying everything I needed myself.
With my teen years its little wonder I got my own place at 16.

@Sertchgi123

I can't believe how many are saying they would and it's okay. 16 is the youngest it's recommended, FOR A REASON.

Often with recommendations like this, the are considering all kinds of children, who may be perfectly normal but not all that mature.

A 16 year old in many modern western countries can legally consent to sex, become a parent, marry, join the military, drive, move out of home, quit school. In some places they head off to live at school for higher education at that age.

It's pretty odd to imagine that only at the moment they are able to handle these kinds of things, are they able to stay a night or two home alone down the road from their gran. Not much of a hierarchy of gaining responsibility and confidence.

I’d get grandparents to stay at your house. They have your room. Easy?

Why wouldn't you take her with you to your dad's funeral?

Is it because of the limited numbers?

No way would I leave my 14yo DD like this. She’s also very sensible and mature.

Tbh I'd be worried she had secret plans to party / have a boy around as I would of done at her age , but I was a devious so and so
Only you know if you'd be happy to leave her.

The other way of looking at you being in a safe village environment is that people know one another and that means people would know there is a 14 year old alone in the house at night.
What do you think would happen if someone broke in? It’s improbable but not impossible and I wouldn’t risk it.
Wouldn’t you take your children with you for your Dad’s funeral assuming that they had a relationship with him?

Is she a just turned 14 or a nearly 15.
I think I’d let her.

Haven't RTWT, but I absolutely wouldn't. I can't remember the name, but there was that little girl who was opportunistically kidnapped from a tent in the garden and murdered. The killer heard the children planning to sleep out in the garden earlier that day. Imagine if someone found out your DD was sleeping alone in the house and broke in. Yes, it's incredibly unlikely but even the thought of it would keep me up all night.

I would. It sounds like we have a similar daughter.

Just before lockdown we left DD (14) overnight to attend a friends surprise birthday party. We left at 6pm, overnighted and were back by 11am. We were about 45 mins away. DD bloody loved it! She (apparently) had a really long jacuzzi bath, played her music too loud and had a Netflix marathon on the ‘big tv’. We spoke by text a couple of times and she was absolutely fine.

A couple of weeks ago we left her again to go and close up our caravan. She’s now 15. We left at lunchtime, overnighted and returned for lunchtime. We were about 2 hours away. Again she was absolutely fine, fed and watered herself. In fact her only concerns were that the dog farted on her bed and refused to go for a wee in the rain!

I find her in poor taste I have to say. She isn't willing to sleep Inna double bed with her siblings so that you can go when your dad does? Her timing is dreadful. And she doesn't sound very emotionally mature.

@Iwantalonglie

Haven't RTWT, but I absolutely wouldn't. I can't remember the name, but there was that little girl who was opportunistically kidnapped from a tent in the garden and murdered. The killer heard the children planning to sleep out in the garden earlier that day. Imagine if someone found out your DD was sleeping alone in the house and broke in. Yes, it's incredibly unlikely but even the thought of it would keep me up all night.

The horrific murder of that poor wain is nothing like what the Op is posting about though, not even remotely.

I’d be fine with this - I can see my 10 yr old turning into your 14 yr old! I think you’re going to get a mixed response because people find it hard to put themselves in your actual position - mature child, safe village, trusting parent, granny not far away as a safety net. All sounds fine to me.

I stayed home on my own for a couple of nights at 14 when my parents went away. I also cooked most of the family meals when they were there, and left home at 16.

• And that was before mobile phones were ubiquitous. She should be fine - pre-arrange for her to text or call at certain times if you are concerned.

As other have said, she should be able to cook simple meals at her age - when do you plan to teach her basic life skills like that?

@Iwantalonglie

Haven't RTWT, but I absolutely wouldn't. I can't remember the name, but there was that little girl who was opportunistically kidnapped from a tent in the garden and murdered. The killer heard the children planning to sleep out in the garden earlier that day. Imagine if someone found out your DD was sleeping alone in the house and broke in. Yes, it's incredibly unlikely but even the thought of it would keep me up all night.

As horrific as that was it was in 1995 and I can't find any other child kodnapped and murdered from their garden. That is 25 years - 1 child. The child left at home alone has a bigger chance of being in a train crash than being kidnapped from her home and murdered.

I would ask one of her friends mums if she could sleepover at theirs..
Anything goes wrong how is mil going to help being as she won't come to yours and also has the younger ones .
Could she not come with you? Did she have a relationship with your dad?? I would expect a 14yr old going to the funeral in our family..

Do it! 14 is more than old enough.

I would. Have left my son home over night at 14. It helps them grow up a bit too.

CATTESTREET

In my experience, any under 16yrs child being left home alone overnight ALWAYS results in safeguarding, regardless of the perceived competency of the child.

Under 16's left for a couple of hours (with safety plan and back up adult emergency contact) are usually ok- Police and Social Services will risk assess this and decide whether to act- this usually includes speaking to parent(s) emergency contact and child.

and they all have to be able to tell us the same safety plan independently