To consider letting DD stay alone overnight?

[DreadingSeason2020sFinale]

Sorry, may be long.

My dad is dying. He lives at the other end of the country so when the time comes, DH and I will need to go there for a couple of days for the funeral.
MIL lives two streets away in our small, quiet village.
DD who is 14 years old wants to sleep in the house at night on her own with the cat, and her sister (11) and brother (8) can go stay at gran's. She doesn't want to sleep in gran's double bed with her siblings and says she can look after our cat this way too but accepts that cooking while at home alone would be off the table so could eat a hot dinner at her gran's house then leave.

Now, with anyone else's kid it would be an immediate and obvious hell no, too young, however, DD has consistently proven herself to be mature, sensible and very independent so I'm actually considering saying okay! I just don't know. Am I crazy?

She gets herself up in a morning. Refuses (politely) all offers of a lift to school and has never been late, sorts her own breakfast and lunch, organises her own uniform and PE kit, (DH and I still do the laundry but once washed and dried the kids deal with their own), she never stays up too late and goes to be without any prompting, I haven't needed to wake her up for school in a good 6 years now, she happily 'babysits' (it's not really required as the younger kids don't need watched) her siblings and even cooks them a lunch if we're out a while, and is generally just a really good and mature young lady. Far more so than I ever was or am now

If anything, I often feel a bit sorry for her because she's that "grown up" I wonder what she's missing out on. I'm as daft as a brush and quite frankly, never half as serious as my girl is.

I appreciate there's people from all different places on MN but for us so will have a completely different perspective of dangers, but for us, we are in a quiet village where people don't lock doors when home during the day so physical safety from others isn't a huge concern. I know she would be more than fine (especially considering our neighbours/friends) are right here 24/7) but it's just not sitting right with me. I cannot think of any reason at all to say no except for the fact she's 14.

What would you do?

No I wouldn't. Wouldn't you worry about her? I wouldn't want to leave my DD on her own regardless. Even if she's mature, there are plenty of things that could go wrong.

When my mum left me on my own I got up to all sorts!

I started home alone for the first time at 16, accidentally locked myself out and my mum from a 4 hour drive away had to organise for someone to come change the locks. I was a dick. Your daughter sounds lovely though, do what you think is best op.

Stayed not started

She would likely be absolutely fine but something unusual could happen fire, break in. a slip in the shower whatever and she will be alone. I am sorry to say this but you would also be found to be negligent if the police or an ambulance was called.

@NetflixWatcher

I started home alone for the first time at 16, accidentally locked myself out and my mum from a 4 hour drive away had to organise for someone to come change the locks. I was a dick. Your daughter sounds lovely though, do what you think is best op.

My mum and I locked ourselves out not long ago. Her in 50s me in 30s😂 Had to beg neighbour to let us call locksmith. While cooker was on. Don't feel bad about being locked out at 16😂

I wouldn’t mainly because if she does need help then that would involve your mil having to leave the younger ones on their own to sort your daughter out which would put everyone at risk. Sorry but for that reason I’d say no. You don’t want to be worrying about her first sleep over on her own at this time.

Just to reiterate, FIL lives with MIL. They also have keys, NDN has a key too. No locksmiths required.

From what I read your daughter sounds perfectly capable of being home alone. Hell, at her age I often had to make dinner for myself, do all my chores including feeding the animals and was alone from when I got home from school till my mum got home sometimes at 7 as her boss was exploiting her. She would also leave me home alone for increasingly longer periods. Starting when I was around 9 she would leave me alone to drive to the shops and over school holidays I'd wake up alone after mum left for work and walk to my nans as I've never been a morning person. At 14 she would sometimes wake me up to tell me she was going to my dad's for the night (we didn't live together as a family till I was nearly 15) and to make sure I got up in the morning, she'd also be out late at dog training with our German Shepherd on some nights. Even when he wasn't there I still had 2 collie crosses or any number of dogs my mum was pet sitting to protect me. My grandparents also only lived up the road and my disabled granddad would often ring to check on me when I was home alone.

Some things to consider are:
Telling her to LOCK THE DOOR at all times even when she's home.
When it gets dark to close all curtains and/or blinds.
If you're not too worried about burning out a bulb or electric, to leave a hallway light on to give the illusion someone is up.
If you have a cat flap, to lock it at night before she goes to bed.
Call her when she's due home and once in the evening to check on her and make sure she knows she NEEDS to answer.
Ground rules for friends over; this one shouldn't be an issue with current events.

Honestly if she's going to grans each night for dinner she should be okay, but maybe tell her to have her mobile on her, give gran a text when she gets home and carry a little flashlight as it gets so dark early.

@CrazyPigeonLadyMarried2Trans

From what I read your daughter sounds perfectly capable of being home alone. Hell, at her age I often had to make dinner for myself, do all my chores including feeding the animals and was alone from when I got home from school till my mum got home sometimes at 7 as her boss was exploiting her. She would also leave me home alone for increasingly longer periods. Starting when I was around 9 she would leave me alone to drive to the shops and over school holidays I'd wake up alone after mum left for work and walk to my nans as I've never been a morning person. At 14 she would sometimes wake me up to tell me she was going to my dad's for the night (we didn't live together as a family till I was nearly 15) and to make sure I got up in the morning, she'd also be out late at dog training with our German Shepherd on some nights. Even when he wasn't there I still had 2 collie crosses or any number of dogs my mum was pet sitting to protect me. My grandparents also only lived up the road and my disabled granddad would often ring to check on me when I was home alone.

Some things to consider are:
Telling her to LOCK THE DOOR at all times even when she's home.
When it gets dark to close all curtains and/or blinds.
If you're not too worried about burning out a bulb or electric, to leave a hallway light on to give the illusion someone is up.
If you have a cat flap, to lock it at night before she goes to bed.
Call her when she's due home and once in the evening to check on her and make sure she knows she NEEDS to answer.
Ground rules for friends over; this one shouldn't be an issue with current events.

Honestly if she's going to grans each night for dinner she should be okay, but maybe tell her to have her mobile on her, give gran a text when she gets home and carry a little flashlight as it gets so dark early.

I had pretty much the exact upbringing. Back then leaving me in the house or on the farm while mum got on with stuff elsewhere or was working wasn't even something you thought about. She just went.

I'm sorry but one part of your post did tickle me. The thought of needing to tell a 14 year old to keep her phone with her made me snort. I don't know if she's had an iPhone OUT of her hand since she was 11 or so. That lassie texts me from rooms in the same house I wouldn't be surprised if it hasn't replaced her teddy in her bed!.

Graciebobcat

I wonder why then, if op is so confident about her daughter's confidence, competence and maturity, she felt it necessary to seek opinions on whether to leave her home alone or if as she says

'Now, with anyone else's kid it would be an immediate and obvious hell no, too young, however, DD has consistently proven herself to be mature, sensible and very independent so I'm actually considering saying okay! I just don't know. Am I crazy?'

though, with respect, it is perhaps it is the op who should explore twhy she does doesn't know- she must have doubts herself about the appropriateness, or any other factors that are influencing her judgement.

no idea why the last message is so garbled, autocorrect on 'phone I hope, rather than brain blip...

@DreadingSeason2020sFinale "but it's just not sitting right with me."

Your feeling this way gives the answer what you should do.

Yes logic says she can stay alone. But that feeling you are having is your gut/higher self/sixth sense/motherly instinct - whatever you call it.

It's telling you not to leave her alone. Listen to it. It can see beyond logic which you cannot rationally explain. All the best