To feel sad my mother is going to be a grandmother so late?

[NoMoreMrNiceGaius]

Hello all, we have been actively trying for a baby for around 2 years but had to wait for 3-4 years before then for health reasons. Currently on 3rd IUI with hormones and feeling very down and fed up lately.

I have mostly come to terms with my own disappointment but lately I've been worrying about my mother. I'm 33 and she is almost 61. She lives in another country and because of Covid I haven't seen her in a year. Normally I see her at least twice a year.

She is my best friend and growing up I always imagined her constantly being there when I had a child/children. She was a teacher and loves kids and is really great with them. I always knew if I had children they were going to adore their grandma.

Now the reality is looking more like they are hardly going to get to know her, and by the time they are old enough to remember their memories, she is going to be close to 70, and she will definitely not be one of the energetic/fit 70 year olds.

I don't have siblings and she has no other grandchildren or other children in the family. She actually has very little family left at all where she lives.

AIBU to feel like I have stolen her best years of being a grandmother from her? To feel so sad and guilty that she will miss so many big moments, when their other grandparents will see them all the time? (And they already have 5 grandchildren) I deeply regret moving to another country and not thinking about how it would be for her when she gets older.

I'd love to hear any experiences, positive or negative, of people who had grandchildren after 65, or who live in another country and dont get to see them often.

What do you find easy or especially hard? Do you ever resent your children for you not being able to be more involved or not being a grandparent when you were younger? Would you ever tell your daughter/son if you did?

My mother in law was 60, father in law a year and a half older and my mother 70 (dad had died some years earlier), when I had my son at 29. All three were marvellous grandparents and did lots of fun things with him. He also had a great grandmother who was adorable, all the great-grands loved her (she lived to 103).

You can't generalise, grandparents can be good or indifferent at any age.

My mum was in her mid 70s when DS was born and had already had a stroke snd hip fracture which affected her mobility. My Aunty told me mum had worried she would not be able to be a proper grandma as she couldn’t pick him up or offer to look after him. It just wasn’t true. Being a grandma is about much more than that. We saw her all the time and DS loved her to bits. They could still cuddle, read, play games, sing songs.

The sad part is that she became poorly with dementia and died when he was 8 and now he can’t really remember her being well (he is 14).

Early 60s is the perfect age but it is never too late. You are under no obligation to provide grandchildren. Life plays out differently for people. Mum was 39 when she had me and I was 34 when DS was born. It’s just how it was. Don’t over think it.

Good luck.

This is such self indulgent twaddle. You don't owe your mother grandchildren.

Mine died a decade before her first grandchild was born. Maybe you could focus on being glad that your child will have family to love them, regardless of age.