To think this isn't stingy?

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

Dp has just got home from work and complained at the "stingy" portions left for him. This consists of 5 (good quality) sausages, carrots, peas, broccoli and a large bowl of mash (3 generous portions). Aibu to think this is not stingy at all?

Fwiw he has already eaten breakfast, a pack up and a bacon and egg sandwich from a food van ( I only know this as h3 messaged me). And I know someone is going to ask if I underfeed him (it isn't my job to feed him) but he is 5ft 9 and at least 20 stone.

When I started replying you hadn't posted your update about being raped. I was referring to your eating disorder and drug addiction. I am sorry to hear you have also been raped. I would never minimise something like that.

But my sentiment stands even more. If you have experienced such trauma in your life, your points of reference will have shifted.

Just tell him to make his own dinner from now on.

What you are feeding him I'm not feeding him it but thanks for blaming me. Leftovers were in the fridge, he helped himself.

I'm truly shocked by the responses. How on earth is OP suppose to police his eating, should she hide leftovers, buy a secret fridge, chain cupboards, monitor his allowance, pack his lunch.
He is an adult FFS.
It is ridiculous. He needs counselling.
Over eaters anonymous have lots of meetings in UK and Ireland.
The sooner people on this level of disordered eating go through addiction channels treat it as an addictive issue he won't get to the route of his issues.
The space in his stomach is insatiable my DP's stomach is huge too, he believes he has to fill at to the brim with a meal.

Bloody hell this is getting deep. He eats too much, his fault needs help. He is selfish for eating your dietary snacks. He is rude for blaming you for his addiction. End of.

I'm truly shocked by the responses.

I was too until I remembered that any thread related to obesity ends up with people explaining that obesity is never person's issue, but is always caused by outside factors and personal responsibility is basically a myth which just makes people feel bad and in essence is used to fat shame. Many of us saying that we simply overeat so it's not always about poverty or massive psychological issue, get called anecdotes and that we basically don't count... We also don't count in studies and research actually. I saw 5 different obesity researches in my are in last 2 years. I fit none of them. I don't drink fizzy drinks nkr do I have MH issues (I know of).

Now, he may have ED or other issues (he probably does have some issues), but as an adult with a capacity it is his personal responsibility to try to make it better. Because we all know that who doesn't want to be helped, can't be helped. But that again, doesn't ring right with "personal responsibility is a myth around the food" crowd so they will rather blame OP for feeding him. You know, as if you can just unilaterally decide to put another adult with a capacity on a diet....

Also, IF it is an "addiction to food" then personal responsibility too applies. Like to other addicts.

Anything to defend the fat one, eh. If he had other issues he would be spated here.

Crikey that is loads!
I would only cook 6-8 sausages for myself & DH and that would be in a traybake with loads of veg and likely no potato at all
My DH is 6’3 and weighs around 19 stone too xX

Ps: I would go absolutely ape shit if he was eating all of my snacks and chocolates/gifts etc

Sausages 😂

Tbh i would completely stop buying any snacks whatsoever apart from fruit.

Then if he wants them he had to buy them himself. Perhaps keep a tiny secret supply to give the odd treat to the kids when he's not there.

I'd also suggest doing something like Gousto box, where you're sent the exact measured ingredients for your meals. Then he can't overeat without taking food from you and his kids.

Bloody hell, he needs to cut down. He's overweight and it will impact his health. You need to tell him straight.

Meowza74 I keep mine at work and keep the kids hidden. He'll hunt for any treats because he's found some a couple of times.

You need to tell him straight. I have countless times. This thread has helped me understand it isn't actually my fault.

Or my responsibility.

Can you do something like the Gousto idea? We've been doing Gousto for a few months and really enjoy it.

lemmywinks84 I've looked at it but couldn't afford it I'm afraid.

What would happen if you only shopped weekly for meals for normal portions and no snacks?

Would he cook and eat what you'd bought for future meals for you and DC?

He would buy snacks or borrow money to buy them.

He wouldn't cook unless it was freezer food.

Then maybe do that? Stop providing the extra food for him, let him pay for his own crap out of pocket. Just provide 3 normal meals a day.

Dare I suggest a portioning plate?

@WaterOffADucksCrack does his family kno what he is borrowing momey from them for?

A portioning plate is a great idea to know what a normal portion looks like, but I suspect OP does know what a normal portion looks like and her DP would refuse to use it.
Does he try to plate large serves for DC if he cooks?
I remember you posting about the chicken curry, he has no idea about appropriate portions.
Some people have a system in the fridge and pantry for each day of the week and what ever is required for those meals goes into the appropriately labeled container. This has been used to stop teenagers eating ingredients for other meals later in the week.

What happened with the chicken curry?

Really hard situation OP. I'm not sure what I'd do. Not sure what you CAN do, tbh. You shouldn't have to threaten someone to get them to look after themselves.

The sleep apnoea could actually be partly causing the overeating, if he's trying to eat his way out of tiredness. Otherwise it sounds like emotional eating. Has anything in his life changed around the time his eating ramped up?

Could you call the Dr, explain he refuses to see them and see what they suggest as a way of persuading him?

Otherwise you could look at finding something like a student hypnotherapist, you can sometimes get really cheap sessions, might help him be more mindful.

Overeating aside he has been really rude to you though, and owes you an apology just for taking to you like you're his slave

I can’t remember exactly, but OP had cooked a curry and had enough left over for the next nights meal for the whole family.
I think maybe 5 chicken breasts worth.
Hubby ate it as an after dinner snack.

5 chicken breast fillets? We do a thigh fillet per serving in a curry. There's me and my 14 yo DS who isn't eating me out of house and home yet. One chicken breast fillet should be plenty for a man.