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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what I should do about my cleaner

228 replies

Crinkletinkle · 03/11/2020 09:38

So I've just got a message from my cleaner saying she had come to my house to clean but it was in such a messy state that she walked out, and that she has decided to finish working for me.

Background is - she has been cleaning weekly for me for just over a year. I normally spend about about 20 minutes tidying things away prior to her coming though sometimes I don't if I run out of time. She hasn't mentioned it previously if I haven't tidied. She blitzes the house for a couple of hours and then if there is time she'll do extra things eg folding washing or changing sheets. She does a fantastic job and I really like her. I work full time with a long commute and am a single mum, so I really appreciate having a great cleaner.

She had a death in the family 3 weeks ago and messaged me saying she was not up to cleaning. I messaged back saying I hoped she was ok and to take the time she needed.

She hadn't texted to let me know she was coming this week so I'd assumed she wasn't. The house was definitely less tidy than it normally is - we had had friends with 4 extra children under 6 staying over during the weekend so furniture had been moved, there were still toys in the living room and pots and pans soaking in the kitchen. I'd planned to have a tidy up the previous evening but we'd had a car accident and I didn't get a chance.

She is a great cleaner and I hate the process of finding a new cleaner. I don't want to put her under more stress though. Would it be pushy to ask her to reconsider?

OP posts:
myusernamewastakenbyme · 03/11/2020 17:59

Ive cleaned in the past...id be quite happy to stand at someones sink and wash dishes...got to be better than trying to clean shower screens or cleaning windows.

YouKidsIsCrazy · 03/11/2020 18:05

As a cleaner you are there to wash surfaces, dust, hoover etc

Actually you are there to do whatever you have agreed to do with your employer, which could be tidying, or anything else

supersonicginandtonic · 03/11/2020 18:08

I do apologise OP I didn't realise you didn't live in England. I am sorry.

CheetasOnFajitas · 03/11/2020 18:26

@SpeccyLime

As *@supersonicginandtonic and @TrevorSimon* have so ably proven, some posters will find any excuse for a pile on and something so simple as actually reading the thread and knowing what is going on isn’t going to stop them...
And with the new “see all OP’s posts” button you don’t even have to read the whole thread to get all the relevant info before commenting!
Tootsey11 · 03/11/2020 18:33

@YouKidsIsCrazy

I've never had a client ask me to tidy in over a 100 houses. It's very difficult to tidy someone else's house, as you don't know where other people want stuff put.

A good client will ensure richness so that a cleaner can do their job.

Tell me, how many houses have you cleaned?

PegasusReturns · 03/11/2020 21:24

@Tootsey11 my cleaner definitely tidies - why wouldn’t she?!

Original poster
Crinkletinkle · 03/11/2020 21:25

Thanks very much for the comments, they have been very helpful in clarifying my thoughts.

The tone in her message about my house being in a state is out of character for her. It didn't offend me as I employ her for her cleaning skills rather than diplomacy, but I worry that it indicates she is under a lot of pressure and while I'd like her to clean for me I don't want to put her under more stress if this is not actually the right job for her by asking her to reconsider.

I have thought about whether my house is usually particularly untidy and if she reached the end of her tether over a long period of time. That is possible. I think it is about average tidiiness compared to other people I know. But I guess it doesn't actually matter too much as the point is what she is able to tolerate. I agree with posters who have said that it is harder to tidy other people's house as you don't know where to put things - I hadn't really thought about that before but I suspect it's part of the reason she was upset.

I've texted her the following: just wanted to reiterate that I really appreciate all the work you have done over the past couple of years. I am sorry you faced the mess yesterday. I can imagine it would have been overwhelming. I hadn't realised you would be coming and the mess wasn't left intentionally for you to tidy. I have made payment for yesterday as I know you would have cleaned if you had been able to. I didn’t mean to offend you especially when I know you've been dealing with a family loss. I hope you are ok. I would love to keep on contact if you'd like to have a coffee at some stage.

If she reconsiders that's great, but if not I feel ok with where I have left things with her. I think the experience has been ia good lesson for me to be clearer with arrangements and expectations in the future.

OP posts:
Winterterrace · 03/11/2020 21:31

That’s perfect. Good luck with the cleaner hunt if she doesn’t get back to you.

Winterterrace · 03/11/2020 21:46

That’s perfect. Good look with the cleaner hunt if she doesn’t get back to you.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 22:08

That message is perfect OP and still paying her is a classy touch too. Whatever happens now, I think you’ve done everything you could do to move on on good terms.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 22:08

That message is perfect OP and still paying her is a classy touch too. Whatever happens now, I think you’ve done everything you could do to move on on good terms.

ZoeTurtle · 04/11/2020 08:11

I don't understand why you're apologising instead of her, but good luck...

notquiteruralbliss · 04/11/2020 08:28

Gosh - I wouldn’t really want her back. She and you are not a good fit. But I would want to end on good terms.

When I have a cleaner they generally do most of the domestic stuff - cleaning, tidying etc. I change sheets and do laundry as that’s my preference but they do the rest. I don’t even think about it. That’s why I employ then, to take on some of the mental load of keeping the house under control.

My cleaners tend to work for long term and work some where between 4 and 8h a week depending on their schedule /what they think needs doing. I leave what they do /?how long they spend entirely up to them and am appreciative of the difference they make.

IncandescentSilver · 04/11/2020 08:30

She can't be bothered doing the job any more and has become unreliable. I'd accept her resignation, rather than chasing after her, trying to persuade her to work for you.

But the British do tend to fetishism any manual labour type work. All unqualified workers are seen as salt of the earth types, empowered by infinite wisdom, who must be coaxed and gently handled in order to do what they are paid for.

Unlike my German friend, whise cleaner left her a note saying "Sorry, too to clean this week" and didn't do the stated hours. She just phoned her up and sacked her!

The British OTOH would gave silent hours debating whether the cleaner has personal problems or needed support, paid her anyway and sent a pleading message like the one the OP sent. Whereas anyone in any other job who did this would be treated harshly by their emoyer, and rightly so.

Palavah · 04/11/2020 08:35

Good message OP.

She didn't call OP's house a shit hole. Let's say you are a waitress and you're asked to serve dishes that haven't been cooked properly - you would point out that they weren't in a state that you could do your job.

She's done the same - it's just because of the stigma around cleaning that some have taken it as an insult.

OP has said herself that she hadn't prepped the way she would expect to.

Twistered · 04/11/2020 09:24

It sounds like she just got overwhelmed , the recent bereavement and then the unexpected mess in your house has just pushed her fragile state .

Op I think your message to her is perfect

Smallsteps88 · 04/11/2020 09:42

@flaviaritt

Then she quit. Personally I would just ignore her and hire a new cleaner. How dare she speak to you like that? I wouldn’t dream of begging her to reconsider.
How dare she speak to op like that? Like what? Confused should she bow and scrape and apologise for daring to breathe in OPs direction before requesting permission to speak?

So I've just got a message from my cleaner saying she had come to my house to clean but it was in such a messy state that she walked out, and that she has decided to finish working for me.

Valkadin · 04/11/2020 09:47

What a good message op. Plus it is hard to find a cleaner that fits as they are in your living space and you want standards to meet. I still miss my old cleaner, I did try a couple after she left but the fit wasn’t quite there.

Smallsteps88 · 04/11/2020 09:54

Btw- good message OP. She does sound like she’s just not in a good place and maybe isn’t quite ready to be back at work, even if financially she needs to be.

FWIW I’m a cleaner and I know everyone says “cleaners clean, they dont tidy” but I tidy. Sometimes I arrive and the house is a bombsite (family homes mainly) so I assess which rooms are going to be most beneficial to the family to be cleaned (kitchen and bathroom are priorities IMO) and what I can realistically do in the 2/3 hours and then I just get stuck in. Of course it means other rooms aren’t done that day and maybe my clients secretly would prefer me to step over the mess and hoover around it but that’s not the feedback I’ve been getting. I wouldn’t feel id done a good job if I did that. I’d rather have 2 or 3 rooms spotless and useable for when they come home and can just relax in/cook in/wash in than have them all as messy as when they left but partially hoovered and wiped.

CheetasOnFajitas · 04/11/2020 10:20

Good message, interesting though that you suggested meeting her for coffee- kind of blurs the lines between cleaner and friend a bit? Would you have had coffee and chats with her before?
Unless you meant that you could meet to discuss terms of re-employment and were suggesting a cafe as neutral ground?

I ask because I got into a situation a while back with a cleaner who started to unload to me about her personal life every time she came round (I was on maternity leave so often at home) - full graphic detail about her relationship, asking me for advice about what I would do, getting me to help her fill in forms and things (she was but a native English speaker). It made me really uncomfortable and although I did try to be sympathetic and help her out it got unbearable and interfered with her work. She was also quite judgmental about my parenting!

Bluntness100 · 04/11/2020 11:16

Good message but I’m confused you didn’t ask her to reconsider which was your objective but shut it down and just moved it to meeting for coffee, I guess you changed your mind? Because that message doesn’t give the impression you want her back, it says you don’t

YouKidsIsCrazy · 04/11/2020 11:19

Your cleaner turned up wihtout notice, slagged off your house, left without doing a thing, and then quit.....and you paid her and apologised?

Brits are so fucking weird.

Calmandmeasured1 · 04/11/2020 11:28

Perfect message OP.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 04/11/2020 11:46

@DeciduousPerennial

But.......she didn’t tell you she was coming 🤷🏻‍♀️
Yes, this Confused What was she expecting?
Etinox · 04/11/2020 11:50

It’s a perfect message if you’re a Saint or are prioritising not feeling bad and are able to find another cleaner. She’s been unreasonable turning up without notice then having a strop.

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