To ask what I should do about my cleaner

[Crinkletinkle]

So I've just got a message from my cleaner saying she had come to my house to clean but it was in such a messy state that she walked out, and that she has decided to finish working for me.

Background is - she has been cleaning weekly for me for just over a year. I normally spend about about 20 minutes tidying things away prior to her coming though sometimes I don't if I run out of time. She hasn't mentioned it previously if I haven't tidied. She blitzes the house for a couple of hours and then if there is time she'll do extra things eg folding washing or changing sheets. She does a fantastic job and I really like her. I work full time with a long commute and am a single mum, so I really appreciate having a great cleaner.

She had a death in the family 3 weeks ago and messaged me saying she was not up to cleaning. I messaged back saying I hoped she was ok and to take the time she needed.

She hadn't texted to let me know she was coming this week so I'd assumed she wasn't. The house was definitely less tidy than it normally is - we had had friends with 4 extra children under 6 staying over during the weekend so furniture had been moved, there were still toys in the living room and pots and pans soaking in the kitchen. I'd planned to have a tidy up the previous evening but we'd had a car accident and I didn't get a chance.

She is a great cleaner and I hate the process of finding a new cleaner. I don't want to put her under more stress though. Would it be pushy to ask her to reconsider?

@flaviaritt

Bluntness

And the OP wants to know whether others agree that she should approach her. I don’t agree. I think the woman quit, rudely.

And that’s fine, but most people simoly don’t agree your haughty approach.

You also talk about people like they’re beneath you.

This is nonsense. You want things both ways in this discussion. You want the cleaner to be a self-employed worker with the right to say whatever she likes (which she is, I concede), but equally, you want to argue boo hoo poor cleaner when I point out that no employer has to accept an employee telling them their home is a state. They don’t. It goes both ways. Nobody is beneath anyone else in this equation.

And that’s fine, but most people simoly don’t agree your haughty approach.

I’m not haughty. I don’t want people in my home who are happy to be rude to me. There is a difference.

Yes @Crinkletinkle your Crystal Ball is broken.

Do people not have basic reading comprehension.

The op didn't know the cleaner was coming

The op had a car accident the night before.

You have too many people in your bubble.She's in NZ,so it doesn't matter.

All of this could have been avoided if the cleaner had told the op she was coming.Great inventions called phones.

@flaviaritt actually you’re completely wrong. I haven’t taken the poor cleaner approach, I have just pointed out to you a number of times that people normally treat each other with a little understanding and compassion, especially when you’ve previously had a good relationship and times are hard.

You don’t have to talk to, or about people, like they’re nothing just because they haven’t done exactly what you would expect in your world of perfect expectations.

I’ve had colleagues/friends/family be rude and blunt with me at times. I cut them some slack if it’s not normal behaviour cos I’m not an unfeeling robot.

The cleaner might go back, she might not. But the OP is much nicer person than you for not just cutting her off and having some empathy for her recent situation.

@flaviaritt, have you been bereaved?

I have, and I was off my head with grief for months. Little things that I would have sailed blithely past before suddenly seemed massive obstacles.
The cleaner is recently bereaved, didn’t think to message before coming on her usual day, and discovered chaos thanks to four under-6s and a lack of time to clear up.

It clearly overwhelmed her and she said Sod this for a game of soldiers.

Perfectly ok and reasonable for the OP to contact her, apologise for the state of the place due to a misunderstanding, and ask if she’ll consider staying on.
Because the OP is satisfied with the cleaner’s work and finding a new good cleaner is hard work.

You don’t have to talk to, or about people, like they’re nothing just because they haven’t done exactly what you would expect in your world of perfect expectations.

You are imagining this. I am done with this discussion because it is not like talking to a rational person. Bye.

KiposWonderbeasts

Sorry to hear that. I don’t agree with your conclusion, though. If the cleaner wanted her job back with me after this palaver, she’d have to ask for it. It sounds like the OP has been more than reasonable with her to me.

@flaviaritt

You also talk about people like they’re beneath you.

This is nonsense. You want things both ways in this discussion. You want the cleaner to be a self-employed worker with the right to say whatever she likes (which she is, I concede), but equally, you want to argue boo hoo poor cleaner when I point out that no employer has to accept an employee telling them their home is a state. They don’t. It goes both ways. Nobody is beneath anyone else in this equation.

That's common on cleaner threads. I think because cleaners/cleaner sympathisers expect people to look down on the job and the work and therefore set a higher bar for how a cleaner should be treated as a sort of negotiating point.

OP says that she usually tidies, and this time not only did she not do her usual tidy but the state of the house was much worse because of guests.

So the cleaner shows up, and sees the house is in a much worse state than she's ever seen it. Should she then not be worried about the OP? If the OP is supposed to be worried about the cleaner because of their longstanding relationship should the same not apply?

thecatsthecats

That’s what I thought. Her perfectly nice employer who usually tidies hasn’t. But it occurs to her to walk off the job rather than find out whether anything is wrong. Fine. She is entitled to quit. But not (IMO) to all the handwringing sympathy she’s getting here.

@flaviaritt oh, I’m imagining it, am I? Are all the other posters who pointed it out imagining it too then?

Maybe she thought as you had broken the 'Bubble of 6' rule, she didn't want to risk it?

Glad someone pointed this out!

The OP’s in New Zealand, so no bubbles. I bet she can even go to the pub.

Binsella

If you are, they are.

@flaviaritt ah yes, of course we are. Nothing to do with you being a haughty nightmare then. I pity anyone who has the misfortune to ever work for you.

Binsella

Really? Like self-employed cleaners? Plenty of work out there. If anyone doesn’t want to clean my house or doesn’t like me personally they have lots of other options, don’t they? All they have to do to get along with me is do their job, turn up on time and not be a dick. It’s not that hard.

A great cleaner who you usually get on with . Recently bereaved. Encounters a really messy house and loses her rag. I'd call her and check how she is. I wouldn't apologise as such for the mess but I'd explain your situation and see if you can both come to a working agreement. Life's tough enough as it is.

Glad someone pointed this out!

If you weren't aware that England is not the whole universe, you could simply have read the thread to see that the OP is in NZ, and subject to different rules

and all you have to do to be a decent human being is not behave like an emotionless bitch.

This is abusive, so I’m ignoring you from this point on.

@flaviaritt

As for "How dare she?" Why should she not? Because servants should know their place?

Not servants, no. Employees. You don’t talk to your client like that in any industry and expect to be employed.

She didn't want to be employed, that's the whole point. She quit.

She didn't want to be employed, that's the whole point. She quit.

I agree. My point is that I wouldn’t be trying to hire her back. Nor would I be apologising to her.

Did I hit a nerve there @flaviaritt? Thought you were out of our discussion a few posts ago, anyway?

I wouldn't send a card or engage again. Whats to be gained from that? She's quit in a way that makes it clear she doesn't like working for you.

I would just leave it.

Hire another cleaner, state that while you are hiring them for x hours to clean, you will aim to tidy before they arrive, but if you aren't able to for whatever reason, its OK for them to just do what they can in the time.

I have just pointed out to you a number of times that people normally treat each other with a little understanding and compassion, especially when you’ve previously had a good relationship and times are hard.

Do you think OP’s cleaner was exhibiting understanding and compassion when she told OP her house was a state and quit on the spot?