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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what I should do about my cleaner

228 replies

Crinkletinkle · 03/11/2020 09:38

So I've just got a message from my cleaner saying she had come to my house to clean but it was in such a messy state that she walked out, and that she has decided to finish working for me.

Background is - she has been cleaning weekly for me for just over a year. I normally spend about about 20 minutes tidying things away prior to her coming though sometimes I don't if I run out of time. She hasn't mentioned it previously if I haven't tidied. She blitzes the house for a couple of hours and then if there is time she'll do extra things eg folding washing or changing sheets. She does a fantastic job and I really like her. I work full time with a long commute and am a single mum, so I really appreciate having a great cleaner.

She had a death in the family 3 weeks ago and messaged me saying she was not up to cleaning. I messaged back saying I hoped she was ok and to take the time she needed.

She hadn't texted to let me know she was coming this week so I'd assumed she wasn't. The house was definitely less tidy than it normally is - we had had friends with 4 extra children under 6 staying over during the weekend so furniture had been moved, there were still toys in the living room and pots and pans soaking in the kitchen. I'd planned to have a tidy up the previous evening but we'd had a car accident and I didn't get a chance.

She is a great cleaner and I hate the process of finding a new cleaner. I don't want to put her under more stress though. Would it be pushy to ask her to reconsider?

OP posts:
Binsella · 03/11/2020 12:19

*She’s self employed, so like it or not, she can do what she likes.

Of course she can. And she quit.*

Yes, she did. And reasonable employers don’t overreact or take it too personally and often keep the door open for people who worked hard for them in the past because they have valued their work and it outweighs a minor incident such as this.

CheetasOnFajitas · 03/11/2020 12:22

[quote Pumpertrumper]@SpeccyLime

Genuinely didn’t mean it in a bad way. My house gets gross too. Kids and jobs and pets do that. No judgment from me![/quote]
No judgment, just describing OP’s house as “an absolute hole” and “disgusting”.

Alright then Hmm

81Byerley · 03/11/2020 12:26

I just read your post to my husband, and he suggested that you invite her round for a coffee, tell her what you've told us, and arrange a definite method of communication, if she will stay on. He also said if she's grieving she may not be reacting how she usually would, and is making decisions she might later regret . Basically, he sees the problem as a simple lack of communication.
On the other hand, she may just hate cleaning your house and was looking for an excuse! (I had a job cleaning a house whose previous owner was a professional footballer, so think big, posh, beautiful! I HATED that house with a passion, and got out of that job as soon as I decently could, after about a year.

Derbee · 03/11/2020 12:27

If she’s quit, she doesn’t need the money from you. She’ll concentrate on the tidy houses that are easier to clean. Nothing you can do really. Although she could have told you she was coming, so you could tidy. But the fact she didn’t, and has quit means she doesn’t need your business.

DownThePlath · 03/11/2020 12:28

@flaviaritt

Then she quit. Personally I would just ignore her and hire a new cleaner. How dare she speak to you like that? I wouldn’t dream of begging her to reconsider.
Yes, how dare the cleaner speak to the lady of the manor in such way Hmm
Bluntness100 · 03/11/2020 12:30

It would be unusual for her to quit over just one episode of messy, if your house is generally tidy, so I’d suspect that it is not normally as tidy as you think or wish to portray, this sounds like the straw that broke the camels back to me and she’s sick of it.

Only you know the truth here, but if she’s said it’s enough now, I’d guess she’s not throwing her toys out the oram for one episode of messy,

My cleaners been with me for over six years since I moved here, she has had to bin someone off because of the mess, the woman begged her to reconsider, and simoly couldn’t see the shit tip she lived in. She went back a few times because she felt sorry for her, and then just walked again, she showed me a (non identifying) image and the woman who thought it tidy was actually living in a cluttered mess.

I’d not have wished to go in an clean it, and I could fully understand how she didn’t either, she spent half her time trying to move stuff out the way so she could actually do her job and clean.

So if this really is a one off, text her and say you’re sorry, you didn’t know she was coming and had guests, but if she still says no, then I’d assume your home is just too messy for her and she doesn’t want the job.

TibetanTerrier · 03/11/2020 12:31

@flaviaritt
She has still be extremely rude to the OP . . . . . . . her rudeness and imagining she has the right to judge my home would mean I wouldn’t ask her back.
How dare she speak to you like that?

She hasn't been "extremely rude" at all, she's simply stated a fact that the OP has confirmed is true. If you think that's "extremely rude" I hate to think how you'd overreact if someone actually was extremely rude. And she's judging her workplace and conditions, which she has every right to do.

As for "How dare she?" Why should she not? Because servants should know their place?

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2020 12:32

@81Byerley

I just read your post to my husband, and he suggested that you invite her round for a coffee, tell her what you've told us, and arrange a definite method of communication, if she will stay on. He also said if she's grieving she may not be reacting how she usually would, and is making decisions she might later regret . Basically, he sees the problem as a simple lack of communication. On the other hand, she may just hate cleaning your house and was looking for an excuse! (I had a job cleaning a house whose previous owner was a professional footballer, so think big, posh, beautiful! I HATED that house with a passion, and got out of that job as soon as I decently could, after about a year.
Oh good a man has spoken. Do this op. He’s got a penis. So he must know how to deal with cleaners who quit.
Sostenueto · 03/11/2020 12:37

I was single mum working full time. Never needed a cleaner though. Just came home and cleaned myself. If u put away and clean up as u go u will not have a lot of mess to clean up. And it must have been in a bad state for cleaner to have actually decided to give up working for OP despite it being a financial loss to the cleaner and the OP freely admits to it being in a bit if a state. Also I suggest when u next have visitors kindly ask them to clean their own mess up which is the polite thing to do when visiting others houses.

Birdsong111 · 03/11/2020 12:38

I would normally have said her message to you was really rude but it sounds like she’s struggling with the bereavement. I would text and explain the situation and that you value her work but don’t ask her to return just wish her well for the future. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up sending you an apology to be honest.

Sostenueto · 03/11/2020 12:41

Cleaner was probably completely fed up cleaning a house that was more hard work than what she was getting paid for!

ZoeTurtle · 03/11/2020 12:42

Lady of the manor? Servants? Are some posters a little jealous that OP can afford a cleaner...?

Derbee · 03/11/2020 12:44

“Oh good a man has spoken. Do this op. He’s got a penis. So he must know how to deal with cleaners who quit.“

@Bluntness100 haha, this is one of my pet hates on MN

Derbee · 03/11/2020 12:45

Posted too soon. As though running any discussion past Your male partner will help everyone arrive at the correct conclusion

DownThePlath · 03/11/2020 12:48

@ZoeTurtle

Lady of the manor? Servants? Are some posters a little jealous that OP can afford a cleaner...?
Hahahahaha😂
flaviaritt · 03/11/2020 13:11

As for "How dare she?" Why should she not? Because servants should know their place?

Not servants, no. Employees. You don’t talk to your client like that in any industry and expect to be employed.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 13:11

@ZoeTurtle posters aren’t jealous, they’re objecting to some people talking about cleaners as if they’re lowly beings who should have no emotions and no rights (this isn’t directed at the OP in any way).

DownThePlath · 03/11/2020 13:14

[quote Binsella]@ZoeTurtle posters aren’t jealous, they’re objecting to some people talking about cleaners as if they’re lowly beings who should have no emotions and no rights (this isn’t directed at the OP in any way).[/quote]
This.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 13:14

@flaviaritt you have clearly never worked in the hospitality industry, the construction industry or many others that I know of through friends and family. People are short and blunt all the time, because they’re not robots and they behave with different personalities and emotions. How do you get through life when you’re so easily offended?

Newfornow · 03/11/2020 13:16

I really believe a cleaner should not treated like a maid. Washing up pots from the night before is one example.
I always tidy first. That’s just my preference. It’s up to you and cleaner to agree what’s not ok.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 13:19

@flaviaritt if the cleaner had text OP and said “listen love, your house is a fucking shithole, and you’re a fucking twat of an employer to boot cos you don’t do XYZ to support me as your employee, so you can shove your job up your arse”, that would be rude.

Thespottytortoise · 03/11/2020 13:24

She's self employed and perfectly entitled to speak to you like that, and you are perfectly entitled to not want her to continue cleaning for you.

For what it's worth, when cleaning someone's home, especially a family home, surely you expect it to be lived in?

Obviously it shouldn't be awful, but other than that, the tidier it is, the easier it will be to clean, so more will be done in the time, so it's up to the client surely whether they want decent value for money or not?

Having someone clean is meant to make life easier, not more stressful.

Some people I know with a cleaner have a box in each room and if there is stuff in the way, the cleaner can dump things in the box so they can get in with cleaning.

Whysrumgone · 03/11/2020 13:37

@81Byerley

I was a cleaner, and although it was always easier to clean a tidy house, I often had to tidy before I could clean. What she has forgotten is that though your house is her place of work, primarily it's your home, and how you live is nothing to do with her. My clients who were tidy just had more done for them, simply because I could just get on and clean, and usually had time to clean a couple of windows , sweep and scrub a balcony, clean the front door, etc.. The untidy ones came home to a clean (and tidy) house, but I didn't have time for extras. I'd be inclined to text thanking her for her hard work, and then move on and find someone else.
This. I try to avoid cleaning posts because I find the attitude on Mumsnet bizarre. You’re being paid to clean. Tidying is part of cleaning. I tidy aswell as clean, I don’t advertise myself as a ‘tidier’ though, because it’s cleaning. I charge by the hour and I do what I can in the hours I’m being paid for. The client can state areas they’d prefer me to concentrate on, but if I walk into a messy house then they have to accept that I’m going to be putting stuff away more than I’m going to be dusting, bleaching and mopping. It doesn’t matter what aspect of cleaning I do, I’m just as happy to do your dishes, washing or even sort out a cupboard as I am hoovering. If the client wants me to clean the whole house but I’ve run out of time because it’s messy, then it’s tough shit really. It’s done to my own discretion whether I’ve got the time and inclination to stay longer, they’ll be paying me extra if I do though. The only time mess has been an issue for me was when I was working for caravan and student accommodation cleaning companies where I’d be paid per caravan/room I cleaned, and I would have to put my foot down if the amount of mess made each job too long. I know there’s far too many self employed cleaners round here trying to make ends meet to be walking out of jobs because they want to be fussy about which bits of the house to clean
Eddielzzard · 03/11/2020 13:41

81Byerley, your opinion as a professional cleaner is much more valuable in this instance than your DH's. Unless he is also a professional cleaner of course...

gumball37 · 03/11/2020 13:44

Wow. So I am horrible at keeping things today and cleaning. I'm sure people would refer to my house as "very messy". My previous cleaning lady (previous because I moved from the area) didn't care at all. She was amazing. Sometimes she'd have to focus on certain areas and didn't get to others in her timeframe.... But never once was she rude about it. In fact, she is now one of my closest friends.

Find someone new.