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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what I should do about my cleaner

228 replies

Crinkletinkle · 03/11/2020 09:38

So I've just got a message from my cleaner saying she had come to my house to clean but it was in such a messy state that she walked out, and that she has decided to finish working for me.

Background is - she has been cleaning weekly for me for just over a year. I normally spend about about 20 minutes tidying things away prior to her coming though sometimes I don't if I run out of time. She hasn't mentioned it previously if I haven't tidied. She blitzes the house for a couple of hours and then if there is time she'll do extra things eg folding washing or changing sheets. She does a fantastic job and I really like her. I work full time with a long commute and am a single mum, so I really appreciate having a great cleaner.

She had a death in the family 3 weeks ago and messaged me saying she was not up to cleaning. I messaged back saying I hoped she was ok and to take the time she needed.

She hadn't texted to let me know she was coming this week so I'd assumed she wasn't. The house was definitely less tidy than it normally is - we had had friends with 4 extra children under 6 staying over during the weekend so furniture had been moved, there were still toys in the living room and pots and pans soaking in the kitchen. I'd planned to have a tidy up the previous evening but we'd had a car accident and I didn't get a chance.

She is a great cleaner and I hate the process of finding a new cleaner. I don't want to put her under more stress though. Would it be pushy to ask her to reconsider?

OP posts:
Binsella · 03/11/2020 10:46

@flaviaritt as I said, people are prone to being short tempered/unreasonable when there are other bad things going on in their lives. It’s been a bad year all round, and having a death in the family too would be just awful. Sometimes, as an employer, it’s about recognising others difficulties and being sympathetic to that and understanding that we all lose our patience sometimes. People usually deserve second chances at work, especially when, as the OP says, she has done a fantastic job.

I hope that if you’re ever having a bad time and you lose your shit at work, someone extends a bit more understanding and kindness to you that it seems you would to others.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 10:51

I agree that no one actually needs to apologise here though, just have an adult discussion and explain how wires were crossed.

They’re not a pair of 6 year olds who have had a fall out in the playground.

flaviaritt · 03/11/2020 10:53

Sometimes, as an employer, it’s about recognising others difficulties and being sympathetic to that and understanding that we all lose our patience sometimes. People usually deserve second chances at work, especially when, as the OP says, she has done a fantastic job.

If she wants a second chance she can come back and apologise, can’t she?

Calmandmeasured1 · 03/11/2020 10:54

It is probably the straw that broke the camel's back. Having a death in the family often leads to a re-assessment of what is important and meaningful in life. If she dragged herself back to work and walked into an almighty mess, I can understand why she has quit.

I know you said to take as much time as she needed but did you think to just check in on how she was coping?

I would accept her resignation but I would also telephone and explain why the place was so messy and tell her that you would definitely have tidied if you knew she was returning. Ask her if there are other occasions when she hasn't felt comfortable cleaning your home.

Ask her how she is doing and offer genuine sympathy. Don't exert any pressure and just see if she offers to come back after your explanation.

HollowTalk · 03/11/2020 10:55

I think if I were her I would've just done the kitchen and living room, if that's all I had time for. I would've left the other rooms just as they were.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 10:56

If she wants a second chance she can come back and apologise, can’t she?

@flaviaritt there’s that attitude of yours again. Who are you, her Mum?

Sunshineandflipflops · 03/11/2020 10:56

@Dontstepinthecowpat

I would look for someone else but it is important to have the house tidy so they can ‘clean’. I appreciate though you weren’t expecting her. I sometimes feel like stopping having a cleaner as if I’m late from work the night before they come I find it really stressy trying to tidy up in the morning before school and work so it’s ready for them to clean. I’m someone who is naturally tidy though so I can’t imagine what some houses must be like!
This. I used to have a cleaner and the stress of tidying up the night before and then inevitably the next morning too as the kids would undo most of the previous night's work, was worse than just doing the cleaning myself and I am a pretty tidy person. I now do my own cleaning!

To be honest, I think I'd have checked to see if she was coming if it was her usual cleaning day. There's no way I'd tidy someone's house when I had gone in to clean and I wouldn't be washing dirty dishes in the sink, which means I wouldn't be able to clean the sink area either.

coffeelover3 · 03/11/2020 10:58

If it were me I would probably apologise and say you thought she wasn't coming and give her a chance to reconsider. It's hard getting a new cleaner and if you were happy with her before this I'd probably give her a chance. But i'm a bit of a softie. Then again, finding and 'training' a new cleaner is a PITA. Then again with lockdown starting on Thurs maybe it's good time to make a clean break. I think only you know how much you value her - is it worth it to you to get her to reconsider.

Campalumpa · 03/11/2020 11:00

I used to have a cleaner. I didn't think she did that good a job - she only cleaned the bits you could see, when she ironed she put more creases in clothes. She objected to this believing that she did a good job and and binned me. It turns out that she was under a lot of stress in her life. We 'made up' and she continued to be my cleaner and did a better job but then her mother got ill and she decided to focus on her care and give up being a cleaner.

I would ask her to reconsider if you want a cleaner and she does a good job - like my ex-cleaner, she might not be in a good place right now.

ZenNudist · 03/11/2020 11:03

Get a new cleaner. Only option. Plus she sounds lousy.

Dhalia443 · 03/11/2020 11:03

Cleaners clean! I’d be pretty fucked off if I turned up to a messy house and had to tidy it.

I don’t have a cleaner because I’m often messy and it would add stress.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/11/2020 11:04

God the attitudes on here

Anyone who is self-employed can decide to work for whomsoever they wish under the conditions they wish, or not.

OP's house was in a state where it was more hassle than it was worth, perhaps this wasn't actually the first time. It's not rude to say so. It's a reasonable explanation of a decision to quit.

mcmooberry · 03/11/2020 11:06

This is why we can't have a cleaner, too much "stuff" around. We used to have one who came for 4 hours a week but a lot of that time was spent moving things to enable her to clean. She didn't sack us though and she definitely was never expected to wash dishes. If I was a cleaner I would just do what I could in the time I was paid for and wouldn't really care if it was washing and tidying vs cleaning.
I would send a regretful reply making it clear you hadn't expected her, and wish her all the best and maybe she might come back.

VettiyaIruken · 03/11/2020 11:07

Just get a new cleaner.

waterthedog · 03/11/2020 11:09

I suspect the house was in quite a state and it wasn't the first time. I always tidy before my cleaner comes and expect my DC's to tidy their bedrooms (toys, clothes etc off the floor). If you value her then you're going to have to suck it up and send a message apologising, explain you didn't realise she was back. The alternative is find another cleaner? I've had quite a few over the years and they can vary hugely in the quality. If she's good he may even have a waiting list of clients....

Musicalmistress · 03/11/2020 11:09

@Anordinarymum The cleaner is there to clean. Not to wash up unless it is specified.
The OP didn't leave the washing up for the cleaner. The cleaner had been off for a period of time & hadn't let the OP know she was coming back to work so the OP hadn't left the house ready for her to clean as she didnt know she was coming. The soaking pots were for the OP to do.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 11:10

@flaviaritt not everyone needs someone to come crawling back, apologising and begging for forgiveness. I can imagine you need it though, it would be another reason to lord it over them, wouldn’t it?

Some people can just show a bit of empathy and recognise other people’s struggles. Especially if it’s not a normal pattern of behaviour and they’re otherwise a very good employee. Some people can also recognise that perhaps, she just didn’t want to do the job as it didn’t meet her standards. Both are good options, you should try them.

Binsella · 03/11/2020 11:11

*Anyone who is self-employed can decide to work for whomsoever they wish under the conditions they wish, or not.

OP's house was in a state where it was more hassle than it was worth, perhaps this wasn't actually the first time. It's not rude to say so. It's a reasonable explanation of a decision to quit.*

Exactly.

ZoeTurtle · 03/11/2020 11:13

I wouldn't want her back after being so rude and unprofessional. But if she apologised and said she'd overreacted because of stress etc, I'd give her another chance.

SpeccyLime · 03/11/2020 11:15

It’s worth people remembering that OP didn’t fire her cleaner. That would have been unreasonable. But her cleaner quit. That was her choice. If she wants a second chance isn’t it up to her to apologise and ask for it?

And for those comparing it to other workplaces, let me assure you that if I turned up at my office on a day they weren’t expecting me to be working, complained that it was a state and then quit on the spot, they would not be apologising to me and begging me to come back. They would maybe be accommodating if I apologised for my stroppiness and asked for my resignation to be set aside, though.

Pumpertrumper · 03/11/2020 11:18

I also think you’re downplaying the house OP. I suspect it was an absolute hole for a professional cleaner to walk out.
I also suspect it’s frequently a total hole and that she’s been getting fed up for a while.

Fair enough if you didn’t know she was coming but I think you’ve burnt your bridges with her and probably just tipped her over the edge of what she’s willing to deal with.

I would message her and explain you didn’t know she was coming back today and had people there over the weekend. But I would start looking for a new cleaner ASAP, maybe a large agency tbh. They’re not as good as individuals but will more reliably tackle disgusting houses as they’re employees who don’t really have much choice!

YouKidsIsCrazy · 03/11/2020 11:19

P's house was in a state where it was more hassle than it was worth, perhaps this wasn't actually the first time. It's not rude to say so. It's a reasonable explanation of a decision to quit

It is rude to say so, because the cleaner wasn't expected. OP would have tidied up for the cleaner but didn't get the chance. "you didn't tidy up for me even though you had no clue I was coming" is not a reasonable reason to quit.

SpeccyLime · 03/11/2020 11:20

but will more reliably tackle disgusting houses as they’re employees who don’t really have much choice!

Oh my god you’re so fucking rude 🤣

Anoisagusaris · 03/11/2020 11:22

But she didn’t tell you she was ready to come back to work, so how could you have known to have tidied this house? I think a lot of people are missing the point

Graciebobcat · 03/11/2020 11:22

I think just best to apologise, explaining the circumstances, and look for a new cleaner. You may find one who is happy to tidy up a bit as well, as long as you are paying for their time to so do anyway. Ask for recommendations on local Facebook groups.