He doesn't give a shit does he?

[CrotchBurn]

Hasnt hugged me or properly engaged with me in about 3 months now.

Tries to have half hearted sex with me, although to be fair I'd say it's been about 3 weeks that he hasnt even tried that.

When I try and tackle it he just says "it's not you, I'm just feeling tense lately".

Starting to get fed up now. Hes not acting like hes particularly depressed or anything. Just kind of mooching around. I just went up to him to kiss him, thought I would try a bit of tenderness - I do every day, although obviously I've pared it back lately because theres only so much you can do without feeling like a loser. He just lay there on the sofa unmoving and smiled at me.

I feel a bit pissed off now. Just say what's on your mind or make an effort?

What do you think? I can feel the beginning of a fight start coming up in me.

What do you think depression looks like?

I dont know but I would expect after 3 months a bare minimum of dialogue

Have you spoken to him about it at all? Tell him how you are feeling, gently, without blaming him. There must be something happening for him to have changed like that.

IME, this sort often want a woman, any woman, to do the womanly work - but aren't actually that attracted to the woman they recruited dated.

It doesn't improve and they eventually come to resent that you have any needs at all. Don't get pregnant.

Have you actually asked him whats wrong? Asked him why he feals his sexdrive is low? Told him how your fealing? Asked him how he feals?

Ask him what's going on

Of course I have spoken to him. I have told him I feel cut off from him and alone, particularly as we are in lockdown and we live next door to his family but hundreds of miles away from my network.

I have told him it makes me feel sad and alone and that I need him to talk to me at least.

He just tells me he feels tense and that it's not about me.

I understand you could be depressed but you dont exist in a vacuum

@PicsInRed
Dont worry. Having a baby is the last thing I will be doing

How long are you with him?

4 years nearly

I've noticed a general tapering off of effort in the past year

He sounds depressed. You need to have a proper heart to heart.

Is this a reverse? Seems very 'poor me' and little sympathy for the partner. Though the partner should be looking into speaking to a medical professional at this point.

@Merrythought
He refuses to have a heart to heart. When I have (gently) pushed for one (on saturday) he said: "stop, dont even try that you're just going to make me feel more tense again when I was starting to get a bit more relaxed"

Does he have a life out side work? It,s a bit hard at the moment but it can really help, it def helped my husband to take up interests.
The first thing is this doesn,t sound like it,s about you.

I think it sounds to me like he is no longer prepared to make an effort with you. I would suggest he got help for his depression, and if he won’t, or it’s not depression, I’d walk. It is not okay for a person to offer basic affection (a hug or a kiss) and be blanked like that.

It could be the start of him pulling away?

His lack of communication and letting you know what is wrong is not a good sign. You at least deserve some kind of explanation.

If he doesn't, I'd leave. Don't give your all to someone who doesn't want it.

I hope you're okay.

@flaviaritt
Yea I feel completely blanked. And if he could talk a bit about his general feelings then fine I would be reassured. But just to be cut off and told "I'm tense" feels like mental torture when it has been months.

I have told him I feel isolated from him and he said "give it time"

If you aren't married then I'd be having a serious think about the future of your relationship

Do you really want to waste any more time on someone who seems fairly indifferent to you?

He could well be depressed but he should talk to you about it. Saying give it time is not fair on you.

Give it time? No. I’d tell him he either stops treating you like crap or he fucks off.

tbh it screams depression to me too.

It’s not you, it’s me - yeah whatever !
Is it depression or an affair/porn ?

You really need to have this out with him, you can’t live like this. Ask him outright if he wants to be with you. If he does he needs to explain himself properly and crack on with getting some help if he needs it.

Pack your bags and be gone.
Leave him to it.
You have tried.
He needs space to help himself.
Give it to him.
Thank goodness you have no children.
Mind yourself.

Who needs all the drama in their life a person who has gone off the boil delivers.

I'd cut my losses. If he can't even be bothered enough to share with you, don't bother with him.