To have expected her to offer cake?

[tweedie543]

Met a friend for coffee this morning. As we were waiting to order, I got my purse out to pay for both coffees (we usually take it in turns to buy 'rounds') and friend said something along the lines of 'it's ok, I'll get it, I want a slice of cake.' Friend then orders coffee for both of us and cake for herself but didn't ask me if I wanted one. If the roles had been reversed, I'd have asked if she wanted a slice as well. In fact the roles have been reversed, and I've offered to buy her chips in a pub, or ice cream in a shop, if I've been getting something myself.

The reason I'm asking is that I often think friend is being a bit self-centred, but I'm wondering if we just have two different approaches to life.

YANBU: friend should have asked if you wanted cake as well
YABU: if you wanted cake, you should have spoken up, asked for it and offered to pay for it.

Sounds like bigger issues to me. Don’t loose sleep over a bit of cake

Did we ever find out if the OP bought her own cake to go with the coffee her friend bought her in spite of it being her turn to buy the coffees, or did she sit there cakeless and sad?

Your friend is self centered because they bought you a coffee but a cake?

Ok then...

I'm just so glad that my friendships are not like this, it really bothers you that you bought her chips and she didn't buy you cake? FFS

If it were my 'turn' to pay and friend wanted cake, I'd just buy the cake too - if you weren't willing to say, 'no, its fine, I'll get it' - then why on earth would you expect HER to buy you some?

If it were my 'turn' to pay and friend wanted cake, I'd just buy the cake too - if you weren't willing to say, 'no, its fine, I'll get it' - then why on earth would you expect HER to buy you some?

I'm just so glad that my friendships are not like this, it really bothers you that you bought her chips and she didn't buy you cake? FFS

@Toomuchtrouble4me

If it were my 'turn' to pay and friend wanted cake, I'd just buy the cake too - if you weren't willing to say, 'no, its fine, I'll get it' - then why on earth would you expect HER to buy you some?

Absolutely. It was your turn. She didn’t want to saddle you with buying cake for her. If you’d wanted cake too, there was nothing to stop you from speaking up. It’s not really for her to “offer” it to you in a scenario where you are queuing in a coffee shop.

I find the politics of these situations really annoying myself so I can understand why you're stuck thinking over this. I sense that there may be other issues or things that have happened with the friend to make you feel this way. Or, do you feel a bit walked over, taken advantage of in other areas of your life. This has happened with me sometimes and after self reflection I realise the issue isn't about this ( who owes who coffee) but something else. I feel personally, it may be best to just always pay for my own things and avoid the 'you get this I get next one' etc as I sometimes come away thinking I've been taken the p out of or get annoyed with those who are tight as a ducks . I also hate to feel I've taken advantage of another's generosity unknowingly and am then seen as the tight one as I forgot what was owed. Take total control by always paying for your own things and you may feel better in general? Think of some good excuse or explanation when the next coffee cake session comes up to just pay for your own so no feelings get hurt.

If your friendship is based on who pays for coffee, or making sure you don't pay any excess for someone wanting cake.....then you wouldn't be my friend. I couldn't cope with such menial pettiness.

so you're friend bought you a coffee and you're offended that she didn't offer to buy you cake and are count scoring the time you bought her chips. Sorry, but I don't think its your friend who is self centred here

Yes she should have asked and also you could have said 'me too' instead of staying quiet

You should have said, actually I’dlike cake to, shall we get our own today.

The cost of 2 coffees and 2 cakes does add up.

Yabu, the world is going to hell in a handcart and you don't buy you and your friend cake when it's your turn to pay ?

It was your turn. You should have bought her and yourself (seeing as though you suddenly wanted it) cake.

@DailyCandy

When the waiter arrived, you should have just asked for another fork.

This had me crying with laughter!!

@COPPER3

You know what I think the OP has been completely blasted here! I actually think the friend was RUDE not to have OFFERED a piece of cake. I would always offer and my friends' would most certainly always return that offer. It's called being POLITE! So imo the friend was being tight and rude.

I just can't get round the logic here, it was the OPs turn to pay, the friend was being polite by offering to pay this time because she wanted an extra, surely the polite thing would have been for the Op to say "Oh no, I don't mind buying you cake with your coffee"? since it was her turn?

YABU. Buying two coffees is quite a bit cheaper than adding on two slices of cake too.

If you wanted cake you should have ordered it and paid for it.