To have expected her to offer cake?

[tweedie543]

Met a friend for coffee this morning. As we were waiting to order, I got my purse out to pay for both coffees (we usually take it in turns to buy 'rounds') and friend said something along the lines of 'it's ok, I'll get it, I want a slice of cake.' Friend then orders coffee for both of us and cake for herself but didn't ask me if I wanted one. If the roles had been reversed, I'd have asked if she wanted a slice as well. In fact the roles have been reversed, and I've offered to buy her chips in a pub, or ice cream in a shop, if I've been getting something myself.

The reason I'm asking is that I often think friend is being a bit self-centred, but I'm wondering if we just have two different approaches to life.

YANBU: friend should have asked if you wanted cake as well
YABU: if you wanted cake, you should have spoken up, asked for it and offered to pay for it.

Gosh I wish this was my biggest problem in life right now.

Now it's easier for me to notice that and tune in to myself each time and see what I really want.

Is it cake?

@Qiry

I feel sad for you because the truth is that you have to fight for cake these days. You have to say firmly, "actually, I would like some cake, too. Please give me cake." Of course, having to be so assertive and determined detracts from the cake experience, but that's the way the world is. I put YANBU though because I wish things were different. I'm so sorry, OP.

Nods sagely.Or shakes head. Ain't that the truth sister.

Yes it would have been polite of her to offer Op. she was probably being tight enough to not want to buy you cake but not so tight that she would buy some for you as well.

You dont get to complain because someone didnt offer something they didnt know you wanted.

Exactly and besides it's not the friends cake that no one can have unless she offers, infact the polite thing to do would have been the OP (because it was her turn to buy the coffees) to say "oh no I'll still pay it my turn and I think I'll have some too" or whatever

Let them eat cake.

@EatPrayYoga

Yes it would have been polite of her to offer Op. she was probably being tight enough to not want to buy you cake but not so tight that she would buy some for you as well.

Why though? If she was being tight she wouldn't have offered to pay at all she would have just added her cake to the order that the OP was going to pay for. Why does she have to "offer" cake, it's a cafe where you order what you want, it's not her cake!

I agree with @Qiry.

This is why my friends and I always pay for our own stuff, saves any of this bother and ridiculousness!

If that was me I’d have said something like “oh if you’re getting cake I’ll get some too” and then we’d have paid separate. How was she supposed to know if you didn’t say?

How was she supposed to know you wanted cake?

you are exhausting !

So, you didn´t want cake until she said she would pay, and then you did want some to go with your free coffee? Hmm.

Just so I have it right in my mind
It was your turn to pay for the coffees.
She paid for the coffees (as she wanted a cake)
Your compliant is that as well as paying when you should off she didnt buy you cake as well (which you didnt indicated you wanted).

Yep sounds totally reasonably and she is a CF for not getting and paying for your weekly shopping when she did hers too!!

Did your friend shout “I FANCY A BIT OF CAKE!” at you from 2m away?

Weirdest thread.

I can see why the vote is split though.

Yes, if I were your friend and I was fancying cake, I'd have said "Ooh, I fancy some cake today - do you want some too ?"
However, if I were you and friend had said "I'll pay as I fancy some cake too", then I'd have just said "Ooh, good plan, I'll have the chocolate cake, and let's just split the bill today".

I really can't see how this is even an issue / problem / thread starting conundrum. You were meeting a friend, not in some kind of etiquette dilemma inducing informal interview situation.

When the waiter arrived, you should have just asked for another fork.

I hope you then purchased some for yourself and it embarrassed her. Greedy cow. X

Yabu, if it was your turn to pay, you should have offered to pay for her cake or at least paid for her coffee and suggested each paid for your own cake. Why should your friend pay for you to have a cake if she bought the last ones?

YABVU just say you wanted some cake. Or better yet get it yourself.
Next time pay separately and please get some cake 🤦🏻‍♀️.

@copperoliver

I hope you then purchased some for yourself and it embarrassed her. Greedy cow. X

Why on earth would that be embarrassing for anyone? Honestly if this site teaches me anything daily is there is some very odd people around desperately to be offended by acts of kindness.

@copperoliver

I hope you then purchased some for yourself and it embarrassed her. Greedy cow. X

The woman is greedy because she wanted some cake so paid for it herself .

Well clearly someone was butthurt about my comment earlier so I'll post again.

Op, you're not BU, ignore the nasty comments and stop being so generous to this 'friend' again.