To have expected her to offer cake?

[tweedie543]

Met a friend for coffee this morning. As we were waiting to order, I got my purse out to pay for both coffees (we usually take it in turns to buy 'rounds') and friend said something along the lines of 'it's ok, I'll get it, I want a slice of cake.' Friend then orders coffee for both of us and cake for herself but didn't ask me if I wanted one. If the roles had been reversed, I'd have asked if she wanted a slice as well. In fact the roles have been reversed, and I've offered to buy her chips in a pub, or ice cream in a shop, if I've been getting something myself.

The reason I'm asking is that I often think friend is being a bit self-centred, but I'm wondering if we just have two different approaches to life.

YANBU: friend should have asked if you wanted cake as well
YABU: if you wanted cake, you should have spoken up, asked for it and offered to pay for it.

The good thing is that she wasn't a CF expecting you to pay for her cake. So not wholly selfish at all

No. OP was though.

I think she was trying to be polite and not letting you pay for her cake. You were already paying and hadn’t offered cake

This.

And OP got a free coffee.

Would you have gotten cake if she hadn't? If you wanted cake, order cake. She either says nothing and pays for cake which is the most likely outcome, or says 'I'm not paying for your cake' which then you should say, 'lets stop buying in rounds then'.

Why didn't you ask her to get you one?

You should have paid for cake it is your turn to pay. Maybe she was expecting you to say of cake sounds lovely there's no need to you pay it is my shout.

Pay for your own...much simpler.

I've just realised how much I loathe the word 'slice'. Especially when preceded by the indefinite article.

I agree with others. You should have made cake intentions clearer.

Either don't worry, I fancy some too, so I'll get it.

Or

Oh good idea, you get cakes I'll get coffees.

Jaysus. I hope my friends dont subject my actions to this level of cost benefit analysis. This is a symptom of a societal issue. There is literally not a ounce of kindness involved in this. Not an ounce. Its a market transaction.

Why didn't you say you fancied a bit too as soon as your friend mentioned?

Because then she wouldn't have gotten to channel her burning martyr on Mumsnet and where's the fun in that?

YABU.

I would get my friend drink but not food.

Too complicated. Get one yourself if you want, or tell her you want one. Everyone's different. It's not something you should dwell over.

It's a different story if you were at her home and she didn't offer you a piece of cake while eating one herself, but this is non issue.

@Qiry

I feel sad for you because the truth is that you have to fight for cake these days. You have to say firmly, "actually, I would like some cake, too. Please give me cake." Of course, having to be so assertive and determined detracts from the cake experience, but that's the way the world is. I put YANBU though because I wish things were different. I'm so sorry, OP.

this made me laugh. YABU OP, you could have just said "ooh good idea I fancy cake too so I'll get them" if it was your turn to buy, or just buy yourself a slice of cake after she'd paid for your drink?

You like to force others into making decisions for you. Because you are fearful of upsetting people or bringing attention upon yourself by making choices that differ from their choices.
You always wait to see what someone else does before deciding what you will do. At restaurants you ask everyone else what they are having. Then you choose something, but are not entirely certain if it's the right choice or not.
Somewhere in your life you learned to run at the back or middle of the pack, not to draw attention to yourself. You check to make sure the leader of the pack is happy before you attend to your own needs.
But because your own needs then go unattended to, you feel unhappy that nobody noticed your distress and came to see what you wanted.
I'm saying this because I found out that's the sort of person I was.
Now it's easier for me to notice that and tune in to myself each time and see what I really want.

Anyone else really fancy cake now,..😂

Whenever I hear "slice of cake" I think of Worzel Gummidge and Aunt Sally.
OP it looks like you were the C.F getting away with paying a turn and still expecting cake. I bet DF thinks you were a C.F.

Lol so she’s basically said I’ll get them as I want cake and I assume feels cheeky asking you to pay when she wants the cake too, yet you aren’t satisfied as your friend isn’t psychic and didn’t realise you actually wanted cake even though you never intended to order or mentioned cake. You could have replied, “actually I might have cake too, I’ll get them don’t worry” or alternatively just both just buy your own and save yourself the time and energy thinking about this later?

@Qiry

I feel sad for you because the truth is that you have to fight for cake these days. You have to say firmly, "actually, I would like some cake, too. Please give me cake." Of course, having to be so assertive and determined detracts from the cake experience, but that's the way the world is. I put YANBU though because I wish things were different. I'm so sorry, OP.

I agree. It's not like when I was young and you could say - "actually Cake Friend, that looks sooo good that I am going to get some too!"

No siree, you have to sit there with a face like a bag of spanners these days, drooling and feeling cheesecaked cheesed off. then do a post on MN to get your cheesedoffness out

Fight next time OP - FIGHT!!!!! Dont let cakegate win!!!! Use your words and get some cake!!

Her offering to get the coffees didn’t put her in charge of all food and drink consumption thereafter. If you wanted cake, why didn’t you order some? Or do you usually share the cake? I’m not sure I would think to check if you wanted cake actually. I’d assume if you’d wanted one, you’d have mentioned it when we were ordered the drinks...

I would have expected you to say you wanted cake. It is polite to offer I guess but I would have just thought you’d have said.

11.06 you started this thread.

You met your friend for coffee this morning.

You just have been literally itching to start a thread the very moment this incident occurred

@Jroseforever

11.06 you started this thread.

You met your friend for coffee this morning.

You just have been literally itching to start a thread the very moment this incident occurred

She’s right pissed she didn’t get some free cake,,😃

like this is all you have to worry about???

I would have just let's buy our own this round. Not hard.