To think we need to find ways to improve people’s resilience

[thewitchesofprestwick]

Already so many people are struggling with their mental health. Things are going to get worse for the economy and the physical health of the population, whether we lockdown or not. Jeremy Farrar of the Wellcome Trust indicated that we are out of good options. Then in the background we have the effects of climate change. How do we equip people to cope better day to day? AIBU to think that there is something we can all do?

People’s resilience is through being financially cushioned, with good employment and life prospects and with a support network around them and quality of life. It’s very easy for people with those things in place to condescend to those who do not.

Not sure I agree IheartNiles
I think resilience comes from overcoming hardships and difficulties in life and facing adversity. Those who've never experienced hardships and are cushioned are probably not that resilient, they've never had to be.

Resilience is also something that comes from within.

I sometimes think that we have removed the learning of resiliance from our childrens lives.

Learning to loose, not having to wait for things, getting ott attention for every whim, the messages of you are special, clever and making allowances for almost everything! And dont get me started on the helicopter parenting.
As lovely as it is, it doesn't teach our children to suck it up and get on with it.

@WildWindBlows

Not sure I agree IheartNiles I think resilience comes from overcoming hardships and difficulties in life and facing adversity. Those who've never experienced hardships and are cushioned are probably not that resilient, they've never had to be.

So you want to ‘teach them a lesson’? then? Fucking unbelievable.

Strongly disagree with @IheartNiles.

I have met many people in bad situation who showed Incredible amount of resilience.
Including for example my mum when my dad was dying and she realised if he does we are left with nothing but debt.

Most people I know are pretty resilient.

@WildWindBlows, I totally agree.

I had a difficult childhood, not horrible but I had to face difficult situations having to adjust to changes few children experienced.

It was tough at the time but it most certainly has tought me resilience and I wouldn't change it just for that.

Resilience doesn't always come from facing and recovering from rough times, but it certainly contributes vastly.

The last two generations have seen parents ultimate goal in life to ensure their children's ultimate happiness at all time. Of course it's great to make the people you love happy but it does come at a price.

Some people though do.hit rock bottom because they've never got the chance to rise above the shit in their lives so don't know any different. It's hard to build resilience in these circumstances.

I also agree that resilience comes from within. It isn’t something you can teach or force onto other people. Some people will say to themselves ok this is the situation and I need to just deal with it. But others can’t do that and it’s not their fault.

I have a good job, don't need to worry about finances (which makes me luckier than most of the population)!but have zero support network and I hate where I live. That, a bit shit relationship plus a lockdown resulted in a MH crisis in the summer.
I think resilience can be learned but it definitely does not come naturally (to me at least).

I dont really understand what it means. It seems to be some kind of stick to beat people with. Like you can dismiss people as not being resilient rather than help them. Its a big thing in SN at the moment. Where a person whose teen child is tube fed, non verbal, uses hoists etc and the officials waffle in about increasing family resilience instead of providing respite. Which is the one thing that would have increased the families ability to cope.

I am resilient, I’ve been through and overcome many things in my life so far. I’ve never had much support and just gone on with life. However now, with every little bit of support that I’ve had taken away, al the things I put in place to cope taken away, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t think you can just make people more resilient. We are social animals by nature, people cope by getting together, people’s resilience comes from other people. Without that what’s the point?

@IheartNiles

People’s resilience is through being financially cushioned, with good employment and life prospects and with a support network around them and quality of life. It’s very easy for people with those things in place to condescend to those who do not.

I'd say this is the opposite of what teaches resilience. We've got a generation of kids coming up who have never been allowed to fail so when they hit the adult world everything falls to pieces.

Resilience comes from learning how to think, how to fail, how to overcome barriers, how to deal with difficult feelings and situations.

I agree OP - people do not have the resilience they once did. I think it'll get worse before it gets better as well.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Strongly disagree with *@IheartNiles*.

I have met many people in bad situation who showed Incredible amount of resilience.
Including for example my mum when my dad was dying and she realised if he does we are left with nothing but debt.

Yes some people are very resilient, whether that be through numbness to hardship, personal qualities, support around them. Personally I don’t want the sort of hideous life experiences that foster a certain resilience in a minority to be things my fellow citizens should have to go through.

"Resilience" in 2020 seems to be a way to shut down and undermine anyone distressed by being in a difficult situation.
Normally closely followed by references to the war.

We teach resilience in school, teach them that to 'fail' is part of a growth mindset and entirely normal

I disagree with IheartNiles (even though I 💓 him too!)
People that have been cosseted are the ones not coping with the prospect of another lockdown and curbs on their liberties. People who've never had the freedom or money to eat out and go places aren't exactly missing it.

And I agree with previous posters saying resilience comes from within, it's an attitude, a mindset. Often those that have been through hardships and come out the other side have it, but not always, and there are those that haven't suffered that have resilience too.

I think people are being very resilient. I see resilience as people suffering, but they keep putting one foot in front of the other and they keep going.
I see a lot of people complaining, and rightly so, because it's all a bit crap, but everyone keeps digging deep and keeps on going. To me, that is resilience.

Instead of beating people up for having poor mental health and poor resilience, I rather think lots of people should be applauded for still going. It's bloody hard at the moment, and definitely harder for some.

@MaxNormal

"Resilience" in 2020 seems to be a way to shut down and undermine anyone distressed by being in a difficult situation. Normally closely followed by references to the war.

Yep- romanticising, from people who’ve never been in a war...

@Notlostjustexploring

I think people are being very resilient. I see resilience as people suffering, but they keep putting one foot in front of the other and they keep going. I see a lot of people complaining, and rightly so, because it's all a bit crap, but everyone keeps digging deep and keeps on going. To me, that is resilience.

Instead of beating people up for having poor mental health and poor resilience, I rather think lots of people should be applauded for still going. It's bloody hard at the moment, and definitely harder for some.

Hear Hear.

Thinly veiled whinge about people who are struggling when you think they should just “buck up”. It comes from a nasty place within you.

Concentrate on yourself OP. And if you don’t like that? Try working on your resilience.

So you want to ‘teach them a lesson’? then? Fucking unbelievable.

Eh? Who said anything about teaching anyone a lesson? I was simply stating my thoughts and personal experience. Makes no odds to me whether you're resilient or not.

We need to improve people's resilience whilst they are robbed blind.

I think resilience has been misused a lot during this pandemic. I've been accused of not teaching my teen resilience because he struggled to keep motivated during lockdown stripped of his friends and routine.

Unfortunately people are struggling because usually if you're finding it hard, the advice is to meet up with friends or do something to take your mind off it, these things are difficult to do.

Also we humans like to focus on forward goals - that's more or less impossible in this climate.

I'm coping by not watching much news and - when I feel inclined to enter a bun fight on here - pressing the delete button for a quiet life. I'm also focusing on achieving my running goal through an online group for this month and taking the dog out for a walk in daylight.

Resilience can come from drawing on your coping strategies. Many of us have lost the things that helped us cope and even in a best case scenario it can take time to find new ones.

Resilience is having a coping mechanism that works when times get tough. Facing difficult times is when it is tested, but hopefully you learn before that. From the young child who learns to self soothe rather than cry through to teens getting dumped by a boy/girlfriend to an adult who loses their job, to someone just widowed and learning to cope without their spouse.

However, it is a different kind of resilience needed now dealing with the monotony of lockdown, lack of socialising and fear of the virus on top of life's usual challenges. Lockdown weakens people's mental health and makes it harder to cope with all the other challenges so it is no wonder it is tough and harder to be resilient.