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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure about giving our cleaner a second chance - AIBU?

245 replies

Sydney88 · 01/11/2020 23:02

Hi all,

I'm really not sure what to do about the situation with my cleaner. I think we may need to let her go and find another but wanted to get some objective thoughts before deciding what to do.

YANBU - I should let her go
YABU - Keep her on

By way of background, I have had the same cleaner for about 5 years and we have always been happy with her. She comes every fortnight and stays the entire day (we pay over market rate for her time) - she cleans, does a bit of tidying, washes a few dishes from the morning and changes the beds. We recently moved from a flat to a house - the house is fairly large (right now its me and my husband and our 6 month old). We always give the house a quick tidy before she comes. But it's not a show home and we have a new baby - so there is a little bit of clutter in a few places. For instance, I have my breakfast cereals on the side of the kitchen counter - but that's by choice because its convenient for me. I may also leave a couple of baby bits here and there, as I'm using the house. I should add that we are in the process of renovating, so there are only four rooms that are in use (our bedroom, our ensuite, the play/temporary sitting room and the kitchen). The remaining bedrooms and living rooms are not in use.

So last week, my cleaner opened up to me about the fact that she is struggling with all her clients (she was really upset about it). She said that ever since COVID things have changed and she believes that people are playing mind games with her on purpose. She told me that people are leaving things arranged in a way that she doesn't know what to do. I suggested to her that people are perhaps using their homes more (since people are wfh etc) and so homes may not be as super organised as before - and for her to just ask her clients what they want her to do and for their expectations. Apparently, she has left a couple of long standing clients over this. She has also changed her style of cleaning so that she will move things to clean but move them back to exactly where originally (even if it is clear that it hasn't been arranged in that specific position like a book on the side - which makes her job take even longer).

Last week I walked into the kitchen while she was there and she starts complaining to me about the kitchen - regarding the items in the corner (i.e. the breakfast cereals and the baby's high chain table). I told her I was happy if she didn't clean that area if it is too difficult for her. She told me that this is not compatible with her new method of cleaning. I told her that I had a newborn and apologised that things are a little less organised but that I haven't really changed in the way I use my home - she strongly disagreed and she said it was not an excuse and not good enough. She also said it wasn't normal and was getting very aggressive at this point. I told her I don't organise my life around her cleaning and walked away from the situation. I was really upset at this point. Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner. She effectively said that she had thought that we could come to an arrangement as to how I organise my home. When my DH came home from work, she was just leaving - so he struck up conversation regarding the whole thing (I had obviously called hime earlier in the day about it). She proceeded to rant about everything (and about me, the government and about other clients) but then said she was happy working for us. We said that we should all give it a think and that we would get back to her.

She has since messaged my husband to apologise for upsetting me and for being unprofessional.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. She is a very good cleaner and a nice lady. But I'm worried that she has become paranoid and unstable and wonder whether it is a good idea to keep her on. But if we let her go, I would feel terribly guilty - especially if she is losing income in these times.

OP posts:
Sydney88 · 03/11/2020 18:05

@Ferrari458 - not yet - planning to ring her tomorrow. Will give an update with the outcome.

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/11/2020 18:06

She sounds like she is at the absolute end of her tether
TBH a lot of us are
I think it all hinges on your existing relationship

If this was my cleaner, I'd have no hesitation in having her back, we have supported each other through all sorts of shit over the years. She's actually not the best cleaner in the world, but neither am I, probably the best client.

If it's not that kind of relationship maybe not.

SylvieB74 · 03/11/2020 18:21

Oh my word. A lot of what you have said sounds a lot to me like she is in the verge of a serious mental illness, I’m no expert but a lot of it so much reminds me of my daughter who 3 years ago suddenly had a psychotic episode. I know you probably want to do the right thing and be nice which you obviously are, but I really wouldn’t want somebody in that state any where near my baby.

CambsAlways · 03/11/2020 18:21

Reading through the post it sounds as though she could be having a breakdown! Which obviously is sad for her but the way she spoke to you about your home and her telling you it’s not acceptable is not on, so I would let her go, she needs to look after her mental health it all sounds too much for her, and you have a young baby! And your own things going on

Celena86 · 03/11/2020 18:27

Let her go. She's already said for u too look for another cleaner and been very rude. Plenty of others desperate for jobs atm

riceuten · 03/11/2020 18:36

It sounds like she has enduring mental health issues.

numberoneson · 03/11/2020 18:40

@saraclara

Later she said that it wasn't worth her while to be making the journey to clean our house and for us to get a local cleaner.

I'd simply say "I'm sorry that you're finding our house difficult to clean now that I have the baby. You were clearly very unhappy when we spoke the other day, but I'm afraid I will be continuing to run my own house in my own way. I quite understand that this difficulty and the distance you have to travel to get to us are making this job untenable for you. I've appreciated all you've done for us over the last five years, and I hope you'll be able to find a more suitable job closer to home".

^

This.

FelicisNox · 03/11/2020 18:49

YANBU.

She's clearly cracking under the strain of the last 8 months. Her new cleaning regime is about maintaining her sense of control and her outburst is proof she is losing her grip.

She is losing clients because of these outbursts.... that's on her and as sad as it is and you've no guarantee this won't escalate.

You've enough to contend with.

Ddot · 03/11/2020 18:59

Sounds to me like something is very wrong in her life. If your not happy change cleaner but try sitting her down and asking if she is ok

Aglet · 03/11/2020 19:08

She has a mental health issue.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 03/11/2020 19:16

I appreciate that after five years you'd want to show her some loyalty and support her - but paying for a cleaner should be about freeing up time for you and making life easier.
She sounds a PITA - take her up on her suggestion of getting a local cleaner.

Suzi888 · 03/11/2020 19:23

Five years is a long time, she may be struggling mentally with covid etc.
I’d give her another chance. You obviously find her trustworthy etc.

Miranda15110 · 03/11/2020 19:30

She might be struggling mentally with the way things are due to CV19. If she's been an employee for 5 years I think she's worth a 'can we have a coffee and a chat'. Ask how she is and does she feel your current setting is no longer where she wants to be. Take it from there.

isadoradancing123 · 03/11/2020 19:33

She told you to find someone local, her mental health issues if she has them is not your problem

fran245 · 03/11/2020 19:33

No brainer Get rid

thatchammum38 · 03/11/2020 19:40

I have my cleaner for 3 hours, whole house, beds changed and its 5* hotel quality. If you are unhappy with the service, then your answer is to find an agency cleaner that is happy to work with you all in the house. Sounds like other clients aren't happy either and you might get your jobs done quicker!

rookiemere · 03/11/2020 19:44

@Miranda15110 but the cleaner is not an employee, she is self employed.

SpangleSparkle · 03/11/2020 19:47

In her defence you’ve had her for 5 years and been happy until now. The amount of posts on here from people after a couple of months saying get rid, she sounds like she’s been a good cleaner until now.
Do you think maybe she could be struggling, Covid is taking its toll on many peoples mental health. If this is out of character for her I’d give.l her another chance.
Really though, she may leave of her own accord if she’s not happy with your new situation and house move and is causing her stress to get there like she says. Are you still expecting the same amount of cleaning as you were before or more now you have moved and if you are, have you spoken to her/worked out new wages etc?

Seamar · 03/11/2020 19:49

I’m afraid that cereal boxes on counters is in fact a crime against humanity. Take the bag out of the box and put it in the cupboard. Then throw the boxes away. Use elastic bands to keep the cereal fresh. I am a clean freak and would also quit a job where cereal boxes were left on the counter. It’s heartbreaking.

bossyrossy · 03/11/2020 19:54

She has worked for you for five years, I think you should be a little more considerate than some people here have been suggesting. It sounds to me like she has got other problems going on in her own life at the moment, perhaps illness in the family or marital problems. Sit her down with a cup of tea and have a chat to see if there are personal issues that she able to discuss with you or perhaps she is genuinely unhappy with her current work conditions and the travelling time to get to your house. Only by talking to her will you get to the bottom of the problem. Then you can decide what is best to do for you both.

scarlywarlyx · 03/11/2020 20:11

I would let her go.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 03/11/2020 20:15

@Seamar

If I opened a cupboard and saw cereal bags just floundering around, I would be running away.
Seal the bags, keep in the boxes and line the boxes neatly up on the shelf so you can easily choose your cereal.

FreshFreesias · 03/11/2020 20:21

OP, you haven’t mentioned how much you pay her.
Cleaners are generally criminally underpaid and if they are not confident about negotiating a decent wage could become resentful.

Realitea · 03/11/2020 20:40

I take about 4.5 hours to do an eight bed house. What is she doing all day?
Anyway... to start with, cleaning a house when the owners are gone makes it harder. It slows you down. Having stuff everywhere is a cleaner’s pet hate. It’s best to have surfaces and everything clear.
I usually love my job and skip to work in the morning but even I’m finding it a slog right now thanks to covid. I think she’s feeling the same.

Ddot · 03/11/2020 20:40

Ooh So if she is struggling with stress just get rid mmmm nice! Remember that with your employer if you ever get ill ( all those who said not your problem just sack her)