To ask if you feel you've "wasted" your education by being a SAHM?

[trashaccount]

To preface, I don't view it this way at all. I'm in full time education right now, with the intention of being a SAHM in the future and (probably) home educating my kids.

I don't feel any education is necessarily "wasted" as you still gain something from it, but there's definitely a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'm doing it for very different reasons than my peer group.

Interested in hearing opinions (though please let's try and keep it respectful to both SAHMs and WMs). Thank you!

I think my mum did a business masters (business and economics bachelor’s) and did work for a short time in a company as an analyst. However she stopped when she had kids.

DH had some personal issues when he did his degree, so didn’t get as good a mark as he would have liked. He then did an OU degree - mainly to show himself that he could do it. It is unrelated to his job, but required organisation and perseverance.

I myself have had a career change to something unrelated to my degree. In both mine and DH’s cases, I feel that our experiences will help with educating our kids (whether they decide to go to school or stay home ed in the future). Also, don’t feel bad about the contribution you make to those around you: children, elderly relatives, friends, neighbours. It IS very valuable and can sometimes provide a type of personal support that professional help can’t (not saying that professional help is not necessary or is inferior, just saying that it is different and that you can make a difference by being there for people around you).

@trashaccount if you Google 'maternal education and child outcomes' you'll find lots and lots of research on this. What's more controversial is how strong the effect is if you control for genetics/maternal IQ (is it that you're clever enough to do a degree that matters rather than actually doing the degree?) and household income (which is very strongly correlated with parental education), but the basic fact that there is a very strong correlation between maternal education and child educational outcomes is well established.

It's a funny notion that you can waste education!
Every time I read a new book or learn something new I am enriched by it. It doesn't necessarily translate into profit for someone else though.
As above though, don't leave yourself vulnerable and without earning power. Set up a private pension, make sure you're married and your husband has full critical illness and life insurance. Maintain employability through consultancy /freelance work, volunteering, becoming a trustee of a charity etc.

It's not a straight choice. Most women with a degree will work for several years before having children. Many women only spend a few years as SAHM before returning to the workforce full or part time. Others will do voluntary work in combination with family commitments. 'An educated person need never be bored'...there are always new things to research/enjoy.
The most important thing you need to do, if choosing to be a SAHP, is to ensure your pension provision doesn't suffer too much. Start a stakeholder pension and/or keep up voluntary NI contributions as soon as they stop being automatically credited. This should be paid for out of the family pot obviously.

@EssexGurl How do you find being a school governor? I've been researching becoming one at some point, so always keen to hear perspectives!

@NewYearmorestress Did you get any personal fulfilment out of higher education even if it didn't necessarily help out career-wise?

@trashaccount wait until you actually have the child in front of you to decide about homeschooling. Some children are absolutely better off in a school setting.

I also have some dealings with Universities and Higher Education. There are huge cuts being made in Humanities subjects. There is a feeling that the state should not subsidise courses that do not directly benefit society. That is not to say that degree courses that train people to think are a waste. Far from it. Lots of Consultancy firms make good use of Oxbridge classicists.
Most adult education classes have to be linked to an exam or vocational qualification. The Government and Local Authorities can no longer afford to subsidise hobby courses.

That is not to say that people shouldn’t carefully consider finances and ensure that they are not financially vulnerable in a relationship. However I think that there are some things you can do as a SAHM that may be hard to have the time to do if you have a job on top. In fact, my culture puts so much emphasis on education (can be quite unhealthy at times) that some parents who can afford it take a few months/year out of work to help their kids get through exams.

Say for example you studied Astronomy - will you ever be in a situation as a SAHM where that would be of use, other than your own children's education?

But if you do a degree in astronomy then the odds are very high that you won't be a situation where the actual content of your degree matters even if you work, because very few people doing that degree go into a field directly related to astronomy. They will however use the transferrable skills from the degree - the high level mathematical ability, skills in research and evaluating evidence, etc - but so will the SAHM because most tertiary education is about thinking skills and you can't not use those.

@trashaccount no I studied a subject I lived because I was genuinely interested in learning. I now work in a different field to my degree. I love my job, it motivates me and my children see me and my husband as equal as we both contribute equally. It’s exceedingly important to me. The casual sexism around is staggering and I want to do something about changing that for the future. I also can give my kids choices and opportunities with the money I earn.

I have a masters degree in social work. I worked until I had children and then decided it was to their best benefit to become a sahm. That is the choice for my family. What other women decide to do is up to them.

Most governors these days are expected to bring something to the table in terms of skills to make them effective governors. They are required to be a critical friend to the school and you cannot do that if you have no working experience to guide you.

I wasn't a SAHM permanently, but I was one for 7 years - once both DC were in school, I retrained and changed profession.

I absolutely don't regard it as a waste, why would I? We all want our children to have best possibly care, and in our case, the best care came from me. Educated, intelligent me.

@fungster I understand why women want to stay home when the kids are little, but tbh "staying home" while the kids are at school seems like a waste of lots of great opportunities out there. So to answer you honestly, yes, I would consider further education a waste if you're then going to stay home.

Aware of the risks of financial dependence, working to minimise them as much as possible. I respect mums of school age children as much as I respect any kind of mum (which is really quite a lot in most cases!) but because I'm considering home education I wouldn't really have "school age" kids in the sense of having an empty house during the day.

@Namenic Thank you! Business was on the list of potential courses that I was looking into, but P&P just made me feel more enthusiastic (though it's very cool your mum did the degree, and I'm glad to hear it had positive effects). I guess I'm just keen to help my family out as much as possible and to a certain extent I'm much more keen to try and help my children achieve the things that I potentially couldn't than prioritise a successful career. Though of course, this is personal preference and no way a judgement on anyone else's choices.

@Newuser123123 and @dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby working on the pension aspect! We're currently trying to drum up some savings as we are looking to buy a house in a few years, but if we manage to get a mortgage lower than our current rent then that money will be dedicated to a pension and savings. If that doesn't happen then we will just find another way to work a pension into the budget!

I stopped teaching (degree, PGCE) when DS1 started at school and was struggling with wraparound care (and the pace of work vs family life was unsustainable). That background has helped me recognise and get diagnoses of his SENs, and his life is better because of that.

However it did not help me with home schooling him in lockdown

In my experience, children who have mothers with successful careers are more likely to do well in terms of careers themselves.
If you intend to stay home for the rest of your life, OP, do you envisage your children will also never have a job? There are sadly generations of people whose parents and grandparents have never worked and it becomes a cycle of poverty and lack of aspiration.

@Ohalrightthen wait until you actually have the child in front of you to decide about homeschooling. Some children are absolutely better off in a school setting.

I hear that! I'm just saying that it's on the cards at the moment as my plan, but of course if I have a child that's very different than me and my DH (which is entirely possible) we will reassess and figure out the best education method for them.

@namenic In fact, my culture puts so much emphasis on education (can be quite unhealthy at times) that some parents who can afford it take a few months/year out of work to help their kids get through exams. This is very interesting! I think I've got a potential idea of the culture you mean, but may of course be wrong. Is there a very high attainment level due to this academic pressure?
I was brought up quite middle class in a fancy school where university and a high powered job was the only option that could possibly be considered - not sure it did me any favours!

@mrsmuddlepies Most governors these days are expected to bring something to the table in terms of skills to make them effective governors. They are required to be a critical friend to the school and you cannot do that if you have no working experience to guide you.

I mean I wouldn't say I'm completely without skill, but I can understand that longstanding work experience may be a prerequisite.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal Go you! Majorly impressed by your self confidence

Education is never wasted. It shapes who you are.

(Just going to quote this one rather than reference it, sorry to anyone irritated by my substantial paragraphs!)

@mrsmuddlepies I guess I have firsthand experience that this isn't necessarily true. I had a very hardworking mother who supported an often unemployed father, and I don't have much motivation to follow in those footsteps necessarily. I will work my hardest to instil a sense of ambition and a desire for personal success in my children, but I definitely prioritise finding your own sense of success rather than what is necessarily socially acceptable. So, I definitely see your point - but my husband is a very hard working person in terms of a career, and I think he will be a great role model in terms of academic / work-related achievement.

I have a friend who works in a school that serves a large social housing estate in the North East. There are so many children who come from homes where the parents don't work. Most girls there will become SAH mums. Educating girls and giving them the skills to find and keep a job is statistically one of the best ways of lifting communities out of poverty.
Girls who receive an education are less likely to marry young and more likely to lead healthy, productive lives. They earn higher incomes, participate in the decisions that most affect them, and build better futures for themselves and their families. Girls' education strengthens economies and reduces inequality UNICEF

*sorry managed to mention quoting, and then not quote! I'll just leave it so as to not clog up the thread further.

But statistically it is true even though anecdotally it may not true in your case.

I definitely went through this phase. First of my family to go to uni, etc, for an engineering degree.

I gave up my relatively prestigious job after DC2 as I knew it didn’t mix well with my idea of motherhood.

I decided that I could not ‘waste’ my education, so did teacher training, and got a fairly average NQT job in a fairly average school. I hated it, so had a third child, which meant I had to be a SAHM. I then had a fourth and a fifth child. I was a SAHM for 8 very lovely years.

With pressure on family finances, I had to go back to work and I was so glad I had a teaching qualification. I have managed to teach in schools that suited me (round peg: round hole), and have never looked back.

My story says that you don’t have to do the same thing throughout your career. There is a season for everything.

@mrsmuddlepies

In my experience, children who have mothers with successful careers are more likely to do well in terms of careers themselves. If you intend to stay home for the rest of your life, OP, do you envisage your children will also never have a job? There are sadly generations of people whose parents and grandparents have never worked and it becomes a cycle of poverty and lack of aspiration.

'In my experience' meaning what exactly?

Maternal education level has been shown to have an impact but am not aware of low achievement amongst the children of degree-educated parents where one is voluntarily a sahp? Presumably not amongst HE surely as almost all HE families would have someone doing the schooling, surely.

The whole 'three generations of worklessness' has been categorically disproven. It's a lie. An out and out lie.