To ask if you feel you've "wasted" your education by being a SAHM?

[trashaccount]

To preface, I don't view it this way at all. I'm in full time education right now, with the intention of being a SAHM in the future and (probably) home educating my kids.

I don't feel any education is necessarily "wasted" as you still gain something from it, but there's definitely a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'm doing it for very different reasons than my peer group.

Interested in hearing opinions (though please let's try and keep it respectful to both SAHMs and WMs). Thank you!

@Namenic That's actually really nice to hear a positive experience! If you don't mind me asking (feel free to mention it very generally if it's in any way outing) what did she study for her Masters?

I guess to a certain extent I feel a bit caught up in the loop of needing to be constantly studying at a higher level even if I became a SAHM, I guess to prove that I could. Though I acknowledge that this is my own personal insecurity and I'm not sure if other people experience similar!

YANBU if you are paying out of your own pocket to be educated. YABU if you are allowing the state to fund you through an expensive degree such as medicine with no intention of giving back to the state. Many degree courses are vocational and will date very quickly. It seems wrong to accept a place on an accountancy, web design or medical degree course ( in fact many, many courses)with no intention of using the skills acquired. Degree courses are so much cheaper here than in the USA , because the State is investing in the future and making sure there are qualified people to undertake key roles.

I was talking to my friends along these lines last night. They both have great careers and wish they had babies to stay home with. I have babies and no career to speak of. I didn’t go to uni. Nothing I really want to do other than be a mum so just bimbled along until that happened. I thought, there’s nothing I particularly want to do, so yes it would be a waste to go to uni for the sake of it.
They were saying I have what they want, but I think they’re building a fab career to be proud of, and if they become SAHMs they still have that to be proud of, or they can go back to it. If I want to stop being a SAHM and have a career I’ll have to start from scratch. So no, I don’t think uni/building a career would ever be a waste if you ultimately plan to be a SAHM. Plans change.

I’m a SAHM for now, I have a two year old and a six month old. I let my job go after my first. You’d probably call me reasonably well educated. It’s not a waste in my eyes but to be honest I don’t particularly value my qualifications, they’re not relevant to my career. We can all educate ourselves everyday. I see pursuing a qualification for the sake of it as a luxury. I’d think you were interesting enough but I’d rather spend the money and time on travel and other things. Would you really stay at home forever though? I’m starting to really miss work and want something for myself. How old are you?

@WellyBootsAreYouFrom That's lovely! You sound like a good mum. I guess I have a bit of worry about how other people perceive me, but for me personally it's more about a contribution to the world that concerns me. On a generalised level I know that children count as a major contribution, but I had a high-flying mother who was relatively derogatory to SAHMs and I think that pressures me to contribute in a way that is socially acceptable / "making the most of my ability" etc etc- where I think I'd actually be happier and more helpful on an interpersonal level if I could focus mainly on myself and my family!

There were definitely paragraphs in that post, sorry! Also to add, there is definitely a part of me unfulfilled be SAHM life, as I’m always wondering what I should train in, how I can bring in some money, what business I could start etc. Pleased to be home with my kids though overall!

@trashaccount

To preface, I don't view it this way at all. I'm in full time education right now, with the intention of being a SAHM in the future and (probably) home educating my kids.

I don't feel any education is necessarily "wasted" as you still gain something from it, but there's definitely a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'm doing it for very different reasons than my peer group.

Interested in hearing opinions (though please let's try and keep it respectful to both SAHMs and WMs). Thank you!

Surely if you dont work long/high enough to pay back the student loans all your doing is fucking over your kids to have bit of a jolly for a few years?

I don't think there's any such thing as wasted education. The vast majority of people I know (including me) don't directly use their degrees in their jobs day to day, but still find that they enrich their lives or have given them opportunities they wouldn't otherwise have and I don't see why that wouldn't also be true of a SAHP. Maternal education level is also the single best predictor of a child's educational achievement (obviously there are lots of individual cases that don't fit this trend!) so I guess from that point of view your children may benefit

Not really because I did work and paid enough tax over the average over the years to pay it back and then some so I don’t have any guilt there..
It’s the best thing for my family for me to be at home right now but life is very long and who knows what I’ll be doing in 20 years.

@mrsmuddlepies In Scotland, so education is technically free (though I'm not sure if that still counts as "allowing the state to fund me", I guess it is). I'm not in a course that is highly practical or very exclusive though, so I guess that's how I justify it to myself!

@PolarnOPirate I guess it seems like a niche of "mum guilt" in that case, maybe it's one of those things where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. I think any kind of backup plan is helpful, so potentially getting some extra qualifications might help - and I guess there's always the argument of being educated helps you on a personal / self esteem level even if you don't use it for practical purposes like a career.

Education is never wasted. I'd rather my children were raised by an educated person.

Surely if you dont work long/high enough to pay back the student loans all your doing is fucking over your kids to have bit of a jolly for a few years?

@Elsewyre Beautifully put . In Scotland, so I don't have any student loans and I also get a bursary so in terms of financial purposes I don't think I'm "fucking over" anyone necessarily (at least I hope!)

@Hardbackwriter Maternal education level is also the single best predictor of a child's educational achievement That's so interesting to hear, I didn't know that! Is this based on any study that I could read? I was considering taking a more general course in order for it to be more useful to my children later on, and I'll probably go back to get a Maths qualification (though shuddering at the thought) but I really loved Psych and Philosophy!

No, I don't. But when I had my first child, I'd graduated from university 2 years before and the doctor who came to see me was training at the same university. We got chatting, I mentioned I'd graduated 2 years earlier and she laughed and said 'ha! Well that was a waste of time now wasn't it?'

@LynetteScavo That's true! I guess if I decided to sent my children to traditional school I'd want their teachers to be relatively well-educated, so I should hold myself to the same standards!

My education helped me into a job that I did well in and that eventually afforded me maternity leave, followed by a generous redundancy payment. I was at home for about 8 years before I went back to work in the first job I interviewed for. The only time I ever felt judged was at the odd work do for my husband’s job, but I never cared about that and nor did he. I don’t think education is ever wasted. However, if you’re planning on being a SAHM and then homeschooling, please get married first and talk, talk, talk about what you’re going to do about finances and pension provision. Even if you have a long and happy marriage, if your husband dies before you and there is no provision in his pension scheme for you (spouse pension when you buy an annuity) you will be fucked. And if you never work, then you may not get a full state pension in your own right. Lots of families manage to combine work and homeschooling, do have a think about how you might.

@Greenppo If you don't mind me asking, is your viewpoint based on getting a degree or being a SAHM in general? E.g. if you could be a SAHM on a permanent basis, would you still consider your education wasted?

I am a working mum and in part that is because I had a fantastic education and worked very hard to be successful in my career.

I would never be a SAHM for that reason. I find it incredible the number of women who do.

I guess it depends. Say for example you studied Astronomy - will you ever be in a situation as a SAHM where that would be of use, other than your own children's education?
Like others have said, I don't believe education is wasted, and I also believe that the knowledge gained from many degrees can benefit us in some way in our lives outside of the workplace. I went into primary teaching 10 years ago, and am currently a SAHM with my 9mo. Even if I never go back to work, I have learnt so much from my degree and also my experiences in the workplace that I can apply to mine and my children's daily lives.

Why are you planning to home educate before even having the kids ? I'm not a pure SAHM mum as run a business with my DH ( in non lockdown times 😐 ) but I am as in I lock after the kids and don't use childcare ( apart from school.) My education is being passed onto them, although I wish I was more intelligent. I was thinking how I would like to be musical so then I could pass that skill onto DC. Even if they did afford music instruments lessons , I wouldn't be able to support their practice if I don't know things myself.

I am a teacher and I went back to work after a couple of years at home. My children both went to Cambridge from a fairly ordinary comprehensive school. I think I am right in saying that children from homes where at least one parent is a teacher have a much greater chance of exceeding academically. It certainly benefited my children having a working mum. They had a respect for work, for deadlines and a respect for me.

@autumnboys Already married, and looking to start putting money into a pension very soon! I'm still considering work and homeschooling, I guess I just have a core feeling that it's something I'd quite like to dedicate myself to (providing I had the capacity to) full time. I may work to supplement my CV / make a bit of extra money if I think I need to though!

Yes, to some extent. I had senior roles in City organisations. But post grad qualifications have been useful as I’m a school Governor and gradually getting more positions of responsibility there relating to my Pre children career. Hoping this will stand me in good stead for returning to work at some point,

I went through higher education, for the job I do secretarial training at 16 would have served me better and cost less.

@Thisismylife1 Did you always want a successful career though, i.e. was that your core motivator for pursuing higher education?

@arinah I guess philosophy and psychology are potentially useful in relation to children? I may easily decide to do an extra course (or pick another module) in relation to child psychology if the opportunity presents itself, but I was also pretty keen on doing a degree that I knew I wanted to do, rather than something solely for the benefit of my kids - though I'm grateful for the potential benefits.

@ohhwoooooooooooooo Why are you planning to home educate before even having kids? I guess because I personally don't think I benefitted from a typical school environment due to some genetic factors, and I understand that there is a high likelihood that my children may have these factors too. Similarly, I would prefer for them to start off homeschooled and then be able to make the conscious choice to go to traditional school later on if they would like to, as that amount of time being homeschooled may help them understand what methods are most efficient in helping them learn.

@Thisismylife1

I am a working mum and in part that is because I had a fantastic education and worked very hard to be successful in my career.

I would never be a SAHM for that reason. I find it incredible the number of women who do.

I feel the same way, to be honest. I understand why women want to stay home when the kids are little, but tbh "staying home" while the kids are at school seems like a waste of lots of great opportunities out there. So to answer you honestly, yes, I would consider further education a waste if you're then going to stay home.

I would also be very, very wary of affirmatively choosing to become financially dependent upon somebody else. Just a cursory glance through MN shows you how catastrophic that can be!