To ask if you feel you've "wasted" your education by being a SAHM?

[trashaccount]

To preface, I don't view it this way at all. I'm in full time education right now, with the intention of being a SAHM in the future and (probably) home educating my kids.

I don't feel any education is necessarily "wasted" as you still gain something from it, but there's definitely a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'm doing it for very different reasons than my peer group.

Interested in hearing opinions (though please let's try and keep it respectful to both SAHMs and WMs). Thank you!

Like your parents probably told you, you need a good job to get good money, money provides a home, food to eat, a good lifestyle and most importantly CHOICES.

A SAHM pays emotionally for some but doesn’t provide money-so yes it makes you very vulnerable

@trashaccount what will you do once your children are grown, and you've got out-of-date qualifications and a 20+ year career gap? What's your plan for if your husband fucks off? Internships are rare for grads now, ones for 40somethings basically don't exist.

Turnitonagain - I guess you assume that once kids go to school parents don’t intervene to help with homework or extra curriculum activities.

But I think people make valid points about finances and it does sound like OP knows she should get things in place. I think it is helpful to have the ability to work - i.e. be employable, in case. Hopefully technology will improve and wfh may make some jobs more accessible. I wonder if OP could consider trying a small amount of tutoring or teaching English as a second language (as a skill to keep up)?

I think I did waste my degree but two of my children have complex special needs. Someone needed to be at home. I did look around for roles that would fit when they were young but as they could barely be in nursery it wasn’t happening. I work in admin now. Not massively stimulating but okay and has me in work.

I don’t think education is ever a waste if you enjoyed it and felt that you obtained some benefit from it.

That said, I put so much money, time and effort into obtaining my law degree that I wouldn’t want to give it up to be a SAHM. I feel like I earned the right to use these qualifications and it would be wrong to squander them. That is a very personal view though - I wouldn’t expect everyone to feel the same way.

[quote Ohalrightthen]@trashaccount what will you do once your children are grown, and you've got out-of-date qualifications and a 20+ year career gap? What's your plan for if your husband fucks off? Internships are rare for grads now, ones for 40somethings basically don't exist.[/quote]
What’s the plan if you don’t meet someone willing to fund you for life?

Given your age you’re being very naive to think after uni you’ll find a man willing to support you for ever. The chances of a relationship lasting that long aren’t good.

@Namenic

Turnitonagain - I guess you assume that once kids go to school parents don’t intervene to help with homework or extra curriculum activities.

But I think people make valid points about finances and it does sound like OP knows she should get things in place. I think it is helpful to have the ability to work - i.e. be employable, in case. Hopefully technology will improve and wfh may make some jobs more accessible. I wonder if OP could consider trying a small amount of tutoring or teaching English as a second language (as a skill to keep up)?

I’m a working mother so I think I have a decent idea, but thanks. My childcare provider helps with homework on weekdays before I get home and DH and I pick up the rest before bed and on weekends.

Being a stay at home parent is a valuable role for your family. It is not somewhere where being degree educated adds particular value. In fact the “super mummies” at school who seem to be doing the best job with their children aren’t the best educated ones at all.

I’m kind of surprised at people trying to argue that they’re using their degree in raising their children. I certainly don’t use mine as they’re not really at the age to grasp economic theories yet.

My education ended up not being used for an epic career but it has made me a better parent and a more useful member of society. It also gave me a lot of confidence. And a professional qualification.

It also allowed me to establish a career before I became a SAHM so I knew I could return to that (admittedly at a lower level) if I ever needed to. Had DH ever fucked off, the DC and I would have taken a massive drop in living standards, but we'd have done much better than if I had no qualifications at all.

My DM, OTOH, was forced to leave school at 17 to support herself, was intellectually frustrated all her life, and her lack of earning power was one of the things that kept her with my arse of a father. Seeing how her life panned out, and her explicit advice to me, drove me to study, qualify and get the option of a decent, well-paid job in place.

So my advice is, get a degree AND have a few years in a career you can return to easily if you plan to be a SAHM. And if you have two well-spaced DC, keep your job going part-time if at all possible: it makes re-entry easier.

But they will be one day turnitonagain. It's not that you will necessarily use the specifics of your degree (although you might), it's more that you know how to learn, which is invaluable when your children are older. Not all schools are adept at teaching that and by the time they get to university, it's assumed that they know already.
My parents didn't go to university. They were fantastic parents, patient and willing to learn themselves, so they could help us with homework etc. But when it came to university and sorting out internships they weren't able to help at all. Again, this isn't something you can rely on school to be good at preparing your children for. You might be surprised at how useful your education is as your dc get older.

@D4rwin

Yes. Absolutely. Bloody pointless waste of time I could have travelled and spent the money is saved and just lived. My whole life I went straight from uni to work and really slogged. Then kids who now just give me crap and call me a useless waste of oxygen.

This is rather specific to one person...

Turnitonagain - pretty sure that being degree educated CAN help with ability to do homework (though so can some hobbies, music). It is not the ONLY source of help with homework or doing extra curric projects like coding learning something new. But stuff you do in your degree can help.

I did a degree to work in my chosen career for 20 years. I then left and started my own business, which didn't use this degree. My parents told me I had wasted my degree, even though I had worked with it for so long. I'm happy now and I feel that's all that matters.

Has anyone asked what you plan to do if you CANNOT have dc OP??Have you thought of that?

Reminder - I am a parent, with more than one degree. In my opinion I rarely if ever utilise the skills from my higher education in day-to-day parenting. So I don’t know why you’re all acting like I’m talking out of my bum. How did my ability to write lengthy essays help me when my 5 year old threw herself to the ground because it was time to turn off the iPad? How did it assist me in wiping up sick when my 2 year old vomited from eating a piece of cake too quickly?

Maybe when my DC are at A Levels but if I continue working hard now I can retire or take a sabbatical then to help them revise

I think all mums should try and do at least some part time work have a career goal in mind the amount of women I have seen hung out to dry because the DH fucks off even the supposed good ones.
Then a man might not want to fund your lifestyle himself it is the 21st century.

We've said it's as your children age that you might feel the benefit. Parenting isn't just about looking after small children. If your child is only 5 then you aren't in a position to know yet, whether you'll find your degree useful.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

We've said it's as your children age that you might feel the benefit. Parenting isn't just about looking after small children. If your child is only 5 then you aren't in a position to know yet, whether you'll find your degree useful.

It really depends on your degree. I'm not going to be using an Environmental degree I got in 2004 for anything by 2030. It changes too mucj

turniton - you found like you’re children are still quite young? Come on again in ten years time when you have the benefit of retrospect. You may find you see things differently.

Meixo remember that this lifestyle often benefits the man too. There's a lot to be said for not having to plan your work commitments around childcare. I certainly believe that contributes to career progression. I think women are often denied this due to their child care obligations.
So he's often not funding her lifestyle, but theirs.
The problem here isn't sahm, it's that society allows men to leave and not acknowledge how they have gained by their wives contributions.
A lot of women make sacrifices in terms of security, career progression, money and they do it because they genuinely believe it's better for their families - not because they want to lounge around all day eating bonbons! It's funny how men only go off the idea once they deem the benefit to themselves has stopped.

In both cases as their DCs are getting older the women want to go back to work and their DH are pressuring them not to. In my opinion their DH see childcare as “women’s work” and have no intention of picking up the extra duties they’d have to if their wives return to work.

I have a dear friend whose husband is pressuring her to get back to work. However, he has no plans to pick up extra duties, as he is used to seeing childcare and housework as her work. And of course as his career has progressed during the years she was a SAHM, but she needs to start from a lot lower position, he will also 'not be able' to take any time off for childcare either, and will always have business trips and late meetings she is expected to accommodate.

You can imagine how attractive on current job market is a woman whose degree is 15 years old and most recent work experience from 10 years ago, but who needs full flexibility due to childcare reasons..

Seems like you have a plan to over compensate for your Mothers high flying career. Really check yourself on this it will not make up for anything.

Do it and make yourself vulnerable financially, I’m in my early fifties seen stuff like this pan out many times amongst friends, relatives and on MN over the last 15 years many times.

Turnitonagain - that’s great that you have the flexibility and may want to take time to help your kids revise. Different kids are different and will be curious about things at different times - kids have lots of interesting questions: what’s the difference between smoke and steam, what’s in my wee? Why can’t I have alcohol but you can? Why is that toy so expensive? Google is a good friend, but I think sometimes the skills developed while doing a degree can help select which explanation and how to pitch it to the kids.

Also Going through the mill and taking lots of exams/pressures of deadlines for essays - could help kids with study skills/emotional help even pre gcses. Sure, people who haven’t done a degree can have those skills too, but the process of getting through a degree probably helps to acquire some of these.

I have a 2 degrees and a chartership. I worked for 10 years after college worked my way up the career ladder and then stopped after child no.3. I was off work for about 7 years and I recently went back part time in a similar job. I feel it has worked out well. I am married, my name is on the house. I will receive a massive payout if my husband dies or gets very sick. If he leaves, I will be vulnerable financially but he would be totally fucked if I left.

Mothers are damned if they work and dammed if they don’t. Work hard and juggle kids and if you earn more than your DH he will too you off for your life savings if you divorce (it happened to me). At least you will have an income if you can still juggle kids and work. Or be a SAHM, degree or not, and rely on him to support you and he may clear off and leave you struggling. Although in that case you will get the bigger share of the family pot. You will need it as you won’t have an immediate income and may have big problems getting back in to work.

Rip you off! Not too you off!