To ask if you feel you've "wasted" your education by being a SAHM?

[trashaccount]

To preface, I don't view it this way at all. I'm in full time education right now, with the intention of being a SAHM in the future and (probably) home educating my kids.

I don't feel any education is necessarily "wasted" as you still gain something from it, but there's definitely a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'm doing it for very different reasons than my peer group.

Interested in hearing opinions (though please let's try and keep it respectful to both SAHMs and WMs). Thank you!

@CommanderBurnham I don't understand why you have to make a decision?? Life rarely turns out to plan.

I agree with the fact that life rarely turns out to plan, but getting the facts and figuring out what I want within myself usually means that I'm at least set up on a certain trajectory and can have confidence in my choices if life throws a few curveballs. Not the method of decision making for everyone, just what I prefer.

I'm a SAHM and don't feel my degree has been wasted. I did English lit, and I still love to read and have retained plenty of knowledge from my uni days. My education enhanced my life.

Not because I’m a sahm but because I work somewhere that doesn’t require me to have a degree.

Went to uni got a 2:1 and literally never used it/needed it. Pointless

Sorry to have not read the whole thread but I’m a SAHM and am really proud of my education. It was a wonderful experience and formed the person I am today. I am academically minded and apply these skills to life as well as work.

I had a great career before kids and now I homeschool (which for me is 100% more rewarding) I feel I have so much experience to bring, I’ve studied arts and sciences, I lived in different countries and speak several languages. I have a lot to offer.

In the future I may well study more or do more for myself work wise when I have my hands less full. No regrets.

@katienana Great to hear! Any cool English Lit facts to impart on us?

@TableFlowerss Were there any other qualifications or skills that might have suited you more for your chosen career than the degree?

@Joeyandpacey You sound like you're living your best life! Do you have any advice on homeschooling in general / anything you did prior that helped you out?

I'm in a relationship with someone who is bilingual and I'm incredibly jealous, so working on learning the basics of a new language over lockdown in hopes that it'll help any future kiddos out if they take any language classes! (plus it's also really cool to know)

No because it's only a small part of your life that you take time out to be a sahm.

Most people don't become a professor in the degree they study, but use it to get good jobs that work for them.

Even if you never work again (which is unusual especially in today's world) you will have learned and received skills that will help you for the future.

@Joeyandpacey

Sorry to have not read the whole thread but I’m a SAHM and am really proud of my education. It was a wonderful experience and formed the person I am today. I am academically minded and apply these skills to life as well as work.

I had a great career before kids and now I homeschool (which for me is 100% more rewarding) I feel I have so much experience to bring, I’ve studied arts and sciences, I lived in different countries and speak several languages. I have a lot to offer.

In the future I may well study more or do more for myself work wise when I have my hands less full. No regrets.

This is great 😊

Your education will benefit your children in the knowledge you pass on to them and your values and behaviour. It’s not wasted. I only worked part-time when my daughter was young but I’m sure the fact that I had a degree was a motivator for her wanting to go to uni. I passed on to her my love of literature and books. Having children is also only a fraction of your life. You may decide to work again once your children are older.

@BabyLlamaZen For some people it's a small part, I agree. I guess I was leaning towards people with multiple children / those who are unable to work (for childcare reasons or other).

Definitely agree with the skills part, I get a lot of enjoyment out of my academic work right now and it's always nice to have feedback and responses on your efforts - particularly in Philos. where you can have a lot of deep discussions and a big chunk of it is personal expression.

@Baileyscheesecake That's very level-headed! It's a definite advantage to be able to live in a country where higher education is subsidised and to not have to worry about the financial implications of doing a degree. I feel very privileged that the government prioritises education and healthcare or I'd probably have a much more difficult time.

Great to hear about your DD's love of books though! I'm trying to read more books but my attention span is shot to hell, unfortunately

I’ve never been a SAHM exactly but not far off when my DS was little. Due to my shift pattern I would look after my DS during the day then do a full night shift and then do the same again the next day.

I have spent a lot of time with my DS and I feel lucky that I have been able to do so because of my job. Lots of outings and day trips and baby classes.

I don’t think a SAHM is wasted because Uni is an experience. I’m just not sure what you are going to learn being a SAHM rather than working part time?

It would be interesting to know a percentage of SAHM due to thinking that’s best and a percent of SAHM because of health/childcare costs.

I'm not sure this thread is really about wasting education. You haven't got any children yet, but are sure that you want to have many, and then home-educate them all til 18? Have I got that right?

It seems to me that this is really about life paths, and what I'd suggest is that a) having children or lots of children can be ok with mental health issues or anxiety, but it can also not. Having children isn't very relaxing and they can often press your buttons in ways you don't anticipate, plus if you have anxiety, going out and about with them, doing activities, you would just have to see how that goes but I wonder if there is a misconception about how having children is like staying at home, and that's not really the same thing at all and b) home education may be your intention but it may not suit your children. Just because you don't enjoy school doesn't mean that one or more of your future children won't benefit from it. This might particularly be the case at secondary- can you really teach up to end of A level?

I feel like you planning this as a way to be unavailable for work because work is stressful/not feasible for you right now. I have a friend who took a similar path and had a child every few years after struggling to get a job off the ground, it worked ok but it didn't tackle her anxiety and now, all those years later, she's pretty unemployable which has caused stress in its own right, as there's 20 odd years of working life potentially ahead- with a retirement age of 67.

This may not be the case, or other things might be going on here, and for the record, I don't think education is ever wasted and it is really valuable for children to be around a well-educated mother, but planning not to work, have lots of kids, and home educate is a really stressful lifepath and what I'd advise is to be flexible and don't block yourself in- you may have a first who has SN, very traumatic birth or just find you're not mother earth (I did!) and need to revisit these choices.

[quote trashaccount]@Joeyandpacey You sound like you're living your best life! Do you have any advice on homeschooling in general / anything you did prior that helped you out?

I'm in a relationship with someone who is bilingual and I'm incredibly jealous, so working on learning the basics of a new language over lockdown in hopes that it'll help any future kiddos out if they take any language classes! (plus it's also really cool to know)[/quote]
I have my dark days sometimes but yes, this is totally where I want to be (although I do yearn to do it on a small holding sometimes).

My take on homeschooling is that it’s all about self directed learning so being an open minded facilitator rather than a teacher. I really immersed myself in reading about many education philosophies (it was also part of my old career) and this is the one that really jives with me. I can’t see any point doing a PGCE to homeschool. Follow your own interests to be an inspiration to them and really figure out how curiously led learning works.

I’m still learning all the time, with them and on my own. I read and write like mad to process my own ideas.

I agree with @AandE. Your place is being funded by the taxpayer but you're also taking a bursary that someone else could've had.

While I think education is never a waste I think you should be funding it yourself if you don't intend to work afterwards.

@HowManyToes I'm taking a bursary that someone else could have had, yes. But I think there are lots of contexts where that's the case, and it's not necessarily my fault - I applied, and I was accepted for a bursary scheme. I'm grateful for the opportunities presented to me, that's all I really have to say.

Anyway, this has been a very interesting read so thank you to all who contributed.

I've used my education a lot. It's been really handy when my children were going through school.
I strongly believe that education helps to form who we are - it doesn't exist solely as a means of generating money. Without education, it's impossible to understand the world around us or take part fully in society.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Do you think there's any pieces of information / areas of study that have been especially beneficial to your personal growth or helping with your children's education?

I might always look into a blogger or journalism route I suppose. I love writing stuff and I'm very opinionated. I do feel like the opportunities for my interests are slowly closing though (but maybe I don't broaden my horizons enough). Amen to not existing to generate money!

To be absolutely honest, I think I would have wasted my education (BA, MSc) if I’d stayed in work. I’m not joking.

No I don't. My education helped me in my career, I also don't believe any education is a waste. University is a life lesson in itself, it's can be the best days of your life (to that point) then to do the masters shown determination for me as I thought I would not want to carry on.

I now see that my times is best spent at home for a few years to give to my son, (and I love it ) I can go back if I choose or decide a different route completely. What ever happened though i certainly wouldn't regret my years now and most definitely don't regret my education or continued learning through my job, that was for me, to challenge myself and I achieved my goals, in both.

Don't think it's one or the other, it most certainly isn't.

I had a successful career for nearly 12 years. Upon graduation from uni, I found employment in a graduate role and worked my way up.

When I had my first DC last year, I knew deep down I was not going to go back to work once mat leave was over.

My previous role was very demanding, very long hours, work trips away 2-3 times a year for 2 weeks at a time, the role is not from what I would call a ' family friendly' industry. I decided not to return to my previous profession and I have already mentally left it. My career is not compatible with how I want to raise my DC. I cherish these early years with my DC and feel very fortunate to be in this position.

I am a SAHM by choice and will be for at least the next 18 months till my DC goes to pre school. I will most likely do the same again if we have another DC.
I do not feel I have wasted my education.. the skills and confidence I gained over the years don't just present themselves in a job role, they are applied to every day life.

I will eventually go back to work, just not in the same role - I may even re-train. I have choices, thanks to my education, but right now, I am fully focused on being a SAHM.

@Zahra2 To be absolutely honest, I think I would have wasted my education (BA, MSc) if I’d stayed in work. I’m not joking.

This is so interesting! Can you tell us more on why you feel like that?

OP, I studied English Lit and History at university. I also did a PGCE and taught for a few years before becoming a sahm.
I think the most useful skill is that I've been taught how to learn - basically how to research, how to read lots of information quickly and pick out what's useful, how to combine that information into an essay, how to formulate an argument and support it with evidence. These are all things I've found useful in life generally because they are transferable skills, but I have also been able to teach my children, as they have gone through school/uni themselves. I feel I've been able to support what their school was doing.
Obviously, it's handy having an English/History degree when DC are doing those subjects at GCSE etc.
For myself, I wouldn't feel interesting or able to understand the world if I hadn't had the opportunity to learn.

I think to take a few years out is fine, but to still be a SAHM when kids are in their teens or older, then yes, you have wasted your education. You become one of those people who “keeps themselves busy” doing housework, going to the gym, meeting people for coffee, maybe a stint in the Oxfam shop. And your husband sits there in the evening eating his dinner while you chatter on about new hoover bags and wonders what happened to the bright and funny girl he met at university. And gets resentful that he is in work all hours, funding you to sit on your arse or do Pilates all day. It rarely ends well.

I'm deliberately not reading the thread as I expect it will influence me.

I was a SAHM for a while (I started working a year ago) and I didn't feel in the least I 'wasted' my education. Before my DD was born I was a junior academic teaching at Cambridge and I absolutely loved it. I was in a temporary role, so I didn't walk away from a secure job, but I had been asked to make my temp job more permanent and I am pretty sure I could have made a career out of teaching there, which would have been happy if not very well paid. I found all sorts of things hard about walking away form that, but I never felt I wasted my education. I find babies and small children really fascinating. I just think they are the best thing, right?! I have no issue with anyone who feels differently - we're all different - but if you enjoy spending time with small children, then do it! They're small for such a short time, and it is such an absolutely lovely thing to get to do. I really feel it's a privilege.

I think my view is also coloured by my childhood. I had abusive parents, so did my DP. We are not perfect by any means, but we both take enormous pride in raising our DD in a way that's better than the way we were raised. Personally I think my education did play into that. I am using every bit of the skills I learned at university.