To think that having a quiet understated Christmas is not such a bad thing

[itsgoodtobehome]

Everyone seems to be in such a panic about Christmas, and what's going to happen in the current climate. Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas, but I don't have any issue with it being a bit quieter this year. I always find it a bit stressful anyway - the tons of food shopping, presents, wrapping, the extras, who is going where, what's happening on Boxing Day etc. I quite like the idea of having a year off.

After all, it's just a day of over-indulgence. Surely we can all cope without that for 1 year!! AIBU?

@itsgoodtobehome

For all those that are complaining that they only see their family at Christmas. Why is that? What's wrong with the other 364 days a year? I think that's exactly the sort of pressure/stress that I was talking about in my OP. Why do we put so much importance on that 1 day? Why can't you have a big get together with your loved ones any other day of the year?

Because my family live 500 miles away and I normally spend a fortnight there over Christmas and New Year.

We get together 2-3 times throughout the year but not this year. I haven't seen my elderly Mum since Jan this year.

@itsgoodtobehome

For all those that are complaining that they only see their family at Christmas. Why is that? What's wrong with the other 364 days a year? I think that's exactly the sort of pressure/stress that I was talking about in my OP. Why do we put so much importance on that 1 day? Why can't you have a big get together with your loved ones any other day of the year?

Just to come back to this.

My son lives hundreds of miles away. Because of his job he doesn’t get set leave and his times off are random. Some point over Christmas is the only set time he has.

My dd1 works in retail and goes to uni and works in a school. So her only time off is school holidays and of she can get leave from her retail job. The week between Christmas and new year is usually the only set time she gets off.

I work full time and can only get time off in school holidays by and large.

Christmas season is the only time we are all off together. We usually do me and DDs either Christmas or Boxing Day on a rotation with their dad and DS and his partner come over at some point and we all get together then.

Ds is working in the NHS. He hasn’t been able to get a long stretch of leave since Covid.

We've had Christmas day as just us and our children, with extended family calling round for an hour to exchange gifts, for 20 years; we found this was the best way to manage it because my older son has autism and a learning disability. Going to other peoples' houses, or lots of visitors at ours, is just more stress than it's worth.
My adult son now lives in supported living, visiting us either for the day or overnight on alternate weekends and at Christmas comes home for 3-4 days. Over the previous lockdown we couldn't see him for almost 4 months and we don't know when we will be able to see him again now. If he can't come home at Christmas, we know his support workers will be brilliant, but he won't understand why he isn't with us for Christmas, and whilst it will definitely be easier and calmer in our house, it just won't feel right without him.

Those who are glad they don't have to spend Christmas in their usual way need to grow a backbone and choose the Christmas they want in other years, rather than being glad a pandemic has done it for them.

@Kpo58

Okay then, sulk and be miserable 🤷‍♀️ I just think if we have no option then try to make the best of it. Christmas movie or food was just a suggestion.

@RedskyAtnight

I've never understood why it is considered so important that people are not left alone and feeling miserable on Christmas Day compared to the other 364 days in the year? I totally feel for the people who are alone and struggling, but not sure precisely why it being Christmas will make it better or worse.

Absolutely spot on. I wasgoing to say exactly that. But i've never dragged my kids all over the place on Christmas Day and don't understand why people do that.

I don't think anyone is gloating about having a quieter Christmas and I genuinely feel sorry for those who won't be able to spend Christmas together.
At the same time Christmas has become a stressful circus in recent years with the sheer expense.
Hopefully this lockdown will mean that people can be reunited in December.
Unfortunately as our economy relies on a lot of tat being bought at Christmas people's livelyhoods will suffer...im worried about that.

People are conflating OTT Christmas with too much of everything with a desire to see a family reunited for a single, culturally and religiously important day. Something that’s not always possible for my family but means a lot.

If you’re feeling smug because your little nuclear family is all under one roof, well grear.

I think my idea of a less stressful Christmas will involve getting lots of nice food in, calling relatives, watching films and hopefully managing a few walks.
I am about to qualify for NHS jobs so i might be working on future Christmasses...might have to celebrate earlier/ later.
If anything I think that the threat of Christmas being quieter has made people realise that it's the people they will miss not the chinz that goes with it all.

It's not to do with being smug though...it's about acknowledging that whilst is is shit, we can make the best of it. ..I am a single mum with a dp...his dd lives in another household....the lockdown is happening now precicely so that Boris can " save Christmas" and there is more chance of people being together.

It is*

Not everyone finds it "stressful" like you OP.

I don't find it stressful but I am looking forward to not having to provide and host the big family Christmas dinner that everyone expects.
It will be nice to have just us here for once.
Looking forward to actually being in the same room opening presents with my DH and kids instead of having one foot in the kitchen.

Normally I don't find Christmas stressful but this year??

Bloody hell...

I'm having a little blub right now.

My Mum and Dad are dead; my siblings are scattered to all corners of the UK and we're not that close.

I've been self isolating most of this year due to various health conditions so all I've had for company the majority of the time is my cats (one that passed away a few months away and just her 19yr sister left) and the odd "within the guidelines" meet up with friends and zoom meetings with work and friends. Partner is a key worker so only see him for a few days once a month.

I've been very positive and upbeat about it all because not much I can do about it but I have been looking forward to Chrimbo.

I love Chrimbo. The present choosing, the putting up the tree, the wrapping...all the silly things. Even buying the food!! Granted I don't have to buy for many people but it all reminds me of being little again and the fun of it all.

EVERY December I see friends and their families for trips out to go and nose around different garden centres and Craft fairs and have something nice to eat each weekend leading up to the big day. Its our Xmas tradition. Been doing it for 15 years. Its bloody lovely!

Xmas day I go round to a friends to spend the day with her family. I love it. I get spoilt and waited on and made to feel like their family.

Boxing day my boyfriend comes home from seeing his family and we have a big slap up meal for OUR xmas day.

This year?

So I can only have one household as my bubble group??
So no trips to be silly at Garden Centres with my other friends and their families.

No trips to German xmas stalls with people I love.
No trips to the craft fairs to wander round with mulled wine with them.

No hugs from anyone outside my bubble group? No bloody hugs.

And Xmas day....normally their are 8 to 9 of us on Xmas day including their dads who live by themselves. What if the cut off is 6 ppl? will I have to stay at home by myself??

On xmas day???

Then as my boyfriend would have been to see his family would he have to stay away from me?

So can I cope with being alone this Christmas?

Can "I" cope with having a year off from Christmas this year?

No I fucking well can't.

I totally feel for the people who are alone and struggling, but not sure precisely why it being Christmas will make it better or worse.

Honestly, why do people feel the need to post comments like that? Just because you lack the empathy to understand why other people find situations you personally have not experienced upsetting, doesn't mean you need to stomp all over saying "I don't get it."

Do you really not understand why someone might possibly find being alone on Christmas Day more upsetting that being alone on a random Tuesday in September? Really?

Do you WANT to try to understand?

Okay:

1. Christmas is a hugely significant event in our (meaning British/Western) culture. Obviously not everyone in the UK celebrates Christmas, but Christmas is massive and dominates everything. You can't escape that. And Christmas in our society is completely associated with concepts of family and togetherness. Being alone on during a time when you are being bombarded with messages about the importance of family and togetherness and basically being confronted everywhere you look with the assumption that everyone has those things, increases both the feeling of isolation, and also makes you feel like you're disconnected from society in general as it makes you feel like you're the only person in the world not snuggled in the bosom of a loving family.

1. Reminders of what you've lost/don't have makes that loss especially painful. It's the same as people grieving the death of their mother finding Mother's Day especially hard, or do you also "not understand" that?

1. Christmas is an extremely busy time for most people, so the majority of people are simply busier than normal during this time period and therefore have less time for people outside their family. So lots of people who are alone are actually more isolated during Christmas than they would normally be. If you're alone and your MH is reliant on speaking to friends on the phone a couple of times a week or texting every day, having to go a week without those phone calls/texts can have a big impact.

1. Everything shuts down over Christmas. On any other day if you're feeling blue, you can go to the cinema, pop to the shops, the gym, go round a local park, go for a drink or a takeaway, loads and loads of things. On Christmas - especially now with the COVID restrictions - you can't do any of these things at all. Public transport doesn't run and everything is shut. On Christmas Day and Boxing Day I literally will not be able to leave my tiny flat at all, unless I want to walk around the block a few times. I won't even be able to get a takeaway, pop to Tesco, or walk around a park. That's a significant change from "any other day."

1. Some people have wonderful memories of past Christmases with dead or absent loved ones which they naturally will be thinking of, and seeing everyone else celebrate Christmas naturally makes you think of the fact you can't have those wonderful celebrations anymore. An ordinary random Tuesday in September wouldn't trigger those memories and comparisons.

1. If you were raised in a family where Christmas is a huge deal and have always celebrated Christmas, then of course Christmas is going to continue to be a big deal for you. You can't expect people to just psychologically switch off an entire lifetime of emotional connection and meaning.

Those who are glad they don't have to spend Christmas in their usual way need to grow a backbone and choose the Christmas they want in other years, rather than being glad a pandemic has done it for them.

There is something in this. Those of us who are parted from family or worrying about family coping alone over Christmas can only have so much sympathy with those saying "this is a Good Thing because I don't have the self control not to buy useless tat".

Doesn't mean we don't understand the reason, doesn't mean we're not going to follow government guidance.

But if there is any comfort to be had from this it is that this sacrifice could be saving lives, not that it stops other people from having to take responsibility for their own lifestyle. There was nothing to stop them from doing that in the first place.

GetawayfromthatWelshtart

No... I don’t want a quiet Christmas. I love my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends. I want to see as much as them as i can n the holidays. I love the loud chaotic mess of Christmas. I have always been weird though

I’m feeling sad as my ds3 and his partner will be spending Christmas without us for the first time ever . I do hope it’s exciting and romantic for them but I will miss them terribly . Also my dad is alone now and in theory would be alone over Christmas but we are ensuring he will come to us or my dbs family . Downsizing on gifts is a positive that my dh will be happy about as I am shielding due to serious health conditions. Let’s just hope we can all be kind send cards and think of others

itsgoodtobehome Why do you only see each other once a year, and why has your 80 year old mother only seen her neighbour? So you only bother to see them because it's Christmas and not any other time of year?!

For the hard of understanding, I'll spell it out for you. You might have missed the various lockdowns in place since March in the UK and Europe, with different rules for different places. My DD lives abroad. We saw her last Xmas and would normally have seen her a few times during the year but she hasn't been able to travel to UK and we haven't been able to go abroad, during the times when her lockdown and ours coincided and she or we were off work.

My other DC live 6 hours away in one direction - also would ordinarily have seen them a few times but again, lockdown, not able to travel. Other one 4 hours in different direction have seen a few times, but just us and them, and not siblings and DGM.

Have also seen elderly mother a few times but she hasn't seen her DGC due to their being scattered across the UK and Europe and people not being allowed to meet up indoors in groups of more than 6 for the last 8 months.

All of us have to go to work, and all get holidays at different times. The one time all of us is off work is Xmas Day and Boxing Day. We could all meet up together at a different time of the year if there weren't this pesky Covid virus and the government telling us we aren't allowed to, always supposing we could all get time off from a variety of jobs at the same time.

Now do you get it?

@ScarletZebra, are you my mum? I’m the adult in an almost identical situation.

Sorry. My previous post should say “I’m the adult DC in an...”.

Anyway, I get it.

I'm not personally bothered either way, but I certainly understand why a lot of people are. For some, Christmas is the only time they get together with friends and family so the thought of not doing that must be a difficult one to accept.

On Christmas Day as I don’t really celebrate it and Dp does we came to a compromise that works for us.

2years ago we went to Las Vegas for Christmas
Last year we stayed at home.
This year I was planning on Mexico.

The run up to Christmas is what we all enjoy the most. The parties and the going out. This year there won’t be anything. Even if we had the money to go out.

It’s all a bit rubbish at the moment!

There’s not many of us (very small extended family unit), but we’ve already decided that we’re not doing Christmas this December - too much uncertainty around what will happen/booking holiday/ driving hundreds of miles etc,

So, we are going to flip things round and pretend we’re in Australia (yes, I know they have xmas on the same day!). But using a bit of artistic licence, we are aiming for a bloody good get-together on 25 June next year. We’ve taken the view that, even if (though blooming hope not!), that people can only meet up outside then there’s a slim chance that UK weather might be very kind to us. And gives us a focus looking forwards. And can maybe take advantage of new year sales to save money on buying presents (basically, grabbing at any straws to claw a positive out of things!)