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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having a quiet understated Christmas is not such a bad thing

224 replies

itsgoodtobehome · 31/10/2020 12:05

Everyone seems to be in such a panic about Christmas, and what's going to happen in the current climate. Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas, but I don't have any issue with it being a bit quieter this year. I always find it a bit stressful anyway - the tons of food shopping, presents, wrapping, the extras, who is going where, what's happening on Boxing Day etc. I quite like the idea of having a year off.

After all, it's just a day of over-indulgence. Surely we can all cope without that for 1 year!! AIBU?

OP posts:
cologne4711 · 31/10/2020 16:28

I will miss the Christmas markets though.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2020 16:29

I think it’s great this works for you personally op. Seriously. Enjoy.

Just try to think though that everyone Is different and expecting everyone to feel like you do is rather insular.

FangsForTheMemory · 31/10/2020 16:32

I live alone, always have a quiet Christmas and it suits me fine. The people who spend it with family they don’t stand, having rows/getting into debt/buying crap/drunk are pain weird IMO.

blackandwhitemovies · 31/10/2020 16:36

That's not what I'm saying at all scooby. I'm saying that people set too much store by meeting up on a particular day. If you're a person that lives alone but regularly meets with/talks to and is part of an extended loving family/friendship group for 364 days of the year, then not meeting on Christmas Day surely isn't that much of a huge big deal? If your family/friends don't bother with you for 364 days a year so the only time you get to see them on Christmas Day I can see that is very upsetting for you - but the issue is then on you not meeting people generally, not the fact that it's Christmas.

I strongly agree with this.

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 31/10/2020 16:36

For all those that are complaining that they only see their family at Christmas. Why is that? What's wrong with the other 364 days a year? I think that's exactly the sort of pressure/stress that I was talking about in my OP. Why do we put so much importance on that 1 day? Why can't you have a big get together with your loved ones any other day of the year?

OP posts:
Parker231 · 31/10/2020 16:41

Seeing family at Christmas is special as they all come and stay for two weeks as many are a long haul flight away. We don’t have any family in the UK other than DH, DS and I. This will be the first Christmas without DD as she has started her first job in Brussels.

commandatori · 31/10/2020 16:43

I’m sure a quiet Christmas will be lovely for those of you able to spend it with your family.

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 31/10/2020 16:46

scarletzebra I think that says more about your family than anything else. Why do you only see each other once a year, and why has your 80 year old mother only seen her neighbour? So you only bother to see them because it's Christmas and not any other time of year?!

OP posts:
Plussizejumpsuit · 31/10/2020 16:50

@myhobbyisouting

"I always find it a bit stressful anyway"

Whereas I don't find it in the least bit stressful. YABU to think everyone else is the same as you are

Yep this
Terrace58 · 31/10/2020 17:01

We will be doing christmas at home with just our little family, but if anything, that means the pressure is on a bit. I need to make it special for dd without all the relatives adding to the frivolity.

scoobyd2 · 31/10/2020 17:01

@RedskyAtnight As I said in my first post, my parents are 150 miles away and one is terminally ill. And so vulnerable to Covid. So, far from them not being bothered with me this year, it simply has not been possible/safe for us to get together as we would usually through the year. Pretty sure I am not the only person who has been kept away from family this year by Covid/distance. The suggestion that they can't be bothered is pretty insulting.

keepgoingorstop · 31/10/2020 17:07

For all those that are complaining that they only see their family at Christmas. Why is that? What's wrong with the other 364 days a year? I think that's exactly the sort of pressure/stress that I was talking about in my OP. Why do we put so much importance on that 1 day? Why can't you have a big get together with your loved ones any other day of the year?

Christmas isn't just one day 🙄!

It's a time when a lot of people take time off, therefore it makes for easier meet ups.

Please be mindful that just because you are happy with a quiet Christmas, many people look forward to it, don't find it stressful (why would you?), so your thinking it's not a bad thing it's awful for others.

RedskyAtnight · 31/10/2020 17:08

[quote scoobyd2]**@RedskyAtnight As I said in my first post, my parents are 150 miles away and one is terminally ill. And so vulnerable to Covid. So, far from them not being bothered with me this year, it simply has not been possible/safe for us to get together as we would usually through the year. Pretty sure I am not the only person who has been kept away from family this year by Covid/distance. The suggestion that they can't be bothered is pretty insulting.[/quote]
So, as per my point, it's not the fact that you can't see them at Christmas that is particularly a big deal. It's the fact you can't see them full stop. Not seeing them in April/May/September is as upsetting as not seeing them at Christmas?

scoobyd2 · 31/10/2020 17:13

@RedskyAtnight Yes you're right, not seeing them at all has been hard.

But Christmas is, you know, a special time in some families. And for someone who KNOWS it is their last Christmas, it's going to be heartbreaking for them if their one DC won't be with them. And that in turn will be heartbreaking for me.

You may not agree with those feelings, but it's how we will feel in my family.

Newfornow · 31/10/2020 17:15

No stress here. Chinese New Year was cancelled too wasn’t it? People manage

corythatwas · 31/10/2020 17:22

"For all those that are complaining that they only see their family at Christmas. Why is that? What's wrong with the other 364 days a year?"

What is wrong is that they live abroad (or to be exact, I live abroad) and I΄m in the kind of job where you can΄t just take your holidays when it suits you. It has to be at a time when I am not tied up by work. I might be able to get a week off at Easter but that is uncertain as it depends on how much extra work I have to do.

My dad is getting frailer, he is no longer able to speak on the phone and his memory is fading. I haven¨t been able to see him since last Christmas and by the time I get time off again in the summer, he may no longer recognise me.

I am 100% supportive of efforts to halt the pandemic and would never knowingly do something to put other people at risk. I did not travel in the summer for that reason.

But seriously, I could do without people with no imagination telling me I΄m making a fuss over nothing and that I could go any other of the 364 days.

fairydustandpixies · 31/10/2020 17:29

I live alone, several hours away from my adult sons and my family. I haven't seen them for months and months. I had hoped to see my family for a few days at Christmas but suspect I'll be spending it alone now. I'm so upset.

scoobyd2 · 31/10/2020 17:36

@fairydustandpixies Flowers

Heyahun · 31/10/2020 17:44

Meh I don’t care either.
My family also live overseas - sucks I can’t see them! But I wouldn’t risk it now with everything that’s going on so going to stay put in London for once.

It’s just one year so don’t get why it’s such a big deal to people to have to tone it down just one time

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 31/10/2020 17:52

@plunkplunkfizz

Your “quiet understated” Christmas is all very well for you but what about those for whom it means utter silence and loneliness? Perhaps try looking beyond the end of your nose.
This. Understated Christmas means I am alone and see no one.
MouldySoup · 31/10/2020 17:54

After all, it's just a day of over-indulgence.

I don't see spending time with my close family over-indulgent. Especially when I've already spent most of the year not being able to do so.

Stigsmother · 31/10/2020 17:56

Each to his own, and yes, we need to be responsible, but what about people like me, live alone not in anyone's bubble.
My intention is to travel to my relative's home, have a quiet Christmas ( 3 of us ) and hopefully save my sanity. I suffer from depression and chose to stay at home last year and deeply regretted it. God knows how I would get through this year on my own, after the loneliness of the last few months

HelloMissus · 31/10/2020 17:56

For people asking why families don’t get together at other times - it’s usually due to work and education commitments.
At Xmas everyone has a few days off at least. Schools and universities on holiday.

I’m the only one with enough room for everyone so they all put time aside and come to me.

WitchesNStuff · 31/10/2020 18:14

I don't mind at all, I am more gutted about the lockdown that is just about to be announced. DH was made redundant in July so will probably lose his new job now.

QuestionableDanceMoves · 31/10/2020 18:19

Its not about not bothering the rest of the year at all. I live 200 miles away from my parents, further from my sister. My DC are at school so I take leave in school holidays meaning I normally see my parents for longer periods of time but several months apart.
It’s not feasible for me to visit for the day or a weekend because of the distance.
Christmas for us has always been a good 5-7 days together, playing games, watching films, enjoying each other’s company as a whole family- we only manage that twice a year, maybe 3 times at a push.
Why is it so hard for some people to grasp that “Christmas” is more than just a day to a lot of people and the prospect of not having it this year of all years is upsetting for some?