To be upset about my friend's comments?

[LaBellina]

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well .

No she doesn't have any DC herself.

^

Voilà. How did I guess

Surely, in her logic, if putting reins on a child is a 'violation of humans rights' then so is having them strapped into a buggy? ridiculous comment, ignore her and do what's best for you!

YANBU. I didn't have to use reigns but if I had a runner I would have. They look very sensible and I'd much rather see a child in reigns than bolting out into the road.

Presumably this is for a very small child. They won't remember. There are no 'human rights violations' here. Just an adult making a lot of assumptions.

Please use them if you feel you need to, and do not feel badly about it!

He can wear reins or run into the road. It's that simple.

I would not entertain any advice from people who twitter about 'human rights' at the drop of a hat - especially when it comes to keeping a toddler safe. It's HIS right as a human to stay safe. Did she consider that? It's contravening his rights if he doesn't wear the reins!

she's an idiot., so ignore her.

Wearing reins gives toddlers more freedom autonomy and comfort than having one arm hauled up in the air to hold hands.

I just don't get why she wouldn't want your child to be as safe as possible. Reins are safety devices. They prevent deaths.

And I'm sorry but I really wish posters wouldn't @ the MNer who had the most heartbreaking experience of this. I've seen it happen every time on the countless threads we have on the subject and we have no idea what sort of day she might be having when that notification comes through summoning her to yet another thread.

your friend is a DICK

@keepgoingorstop

OMG *@PerseverancePays* ! You must've been sick with worry!

How old was the child?

About two and a half. I didn’t actually know about it until weeks later when he let it slip. I was incandescent!

What she said was awful. How dare she think she can judge you like that. Now ...... reins allow a child to have some independence and autonomy because they can wander to a certain extent without having their hand held and being held tightly in about. It’s a compromise between being overly protective and allowing the child some freedom.
Why people can’t see that using reins is good parenting baffles me.
Well done for using them. It’s a rare thing nowadays and so sensible. It shows you have your child’s safety and well-being at heart.

@MissMissICantDoThis - we had two dogs when my DS was born, and as a toddler he loved going 'on the lead' like them. He used to get me to clip a dog lead to the belt loop of his trousers - he thought it was hilarious. He also used to bark at people! He had a proper wrist strap for walking on the roads but he much preferred his lead! He has grown up (relatively) normal.

@PerseverancePays

I can't believe he didn't tell you for weeks. I would have been really angry he didn't use the reins, but assumed he'd learnt his lesson (fortunately with just a scare!), but not to have told me would probably have ended in divorce as I'd feel I couldn't trust him, if he could keep something like that from me.

My toddler was given a rucksack with a safety lead thing. It had a loop for my wrist and it was brilliant. We don’t have a car, so getting on and off buses and trains with a baby as well can be stressful. Sometimes you have to get a ticket from a machine or root through luggage, and being able to drop hands without worry made everything so much easier.

Some people are very opinionated about silly stuff, and can’t think outside of their own experience. A dad at nursery laughed at my 3 year old rinding home on the buggy board because his 3 year old didn’t need that. Off they went to the car.

It isn’t a violation of human rights. Wtf.

My heart just breaks for these little people who absolutely melts with frustration and anger when the leash is kept so short they are essentially trapped.

My heart broke for my cousin’s SIL, whose daughter ran out in front of a passing car. And, to be honest, for the driver, who wasn’t speeding and really wasn’t at fault when he hit her - he didn’t stand a chance of stopping. Luckily, she made a full recovery in time from her badly broken bones....but it was lucky that she did. If you have a child who is apt to run, then reins really can be a lifesaver.

Before I had children I had all sorts of ideas that I realised were completely impractical when I did have them.

In terms of reins my children would fling themselves down on the floor and refuse to walk if I put reins on them so had to teach them to not run off anyway 🤣

Violation of human rights, is it?! Is she always this bonkers?

In fairness, I’m childfree and actually agree with reins because some kids can and will run at the drop of a hat. I was one of them. I’ve seen kids running on ahead of their parents and almost running into roads. You don’t have road sense when you’re that little.

Exactly, its to protect him from danger that he is too young to see!

Thanks again for all the replies

I did lose what little respect I had left and we did divorce. It was a culmination of many things and I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall. He always said he was going to do stuff and I’d fall for it and he always let me down. Like saying he’d put the little one in her reins so I wouldn’t worry, but not bothering. So in the end I decided I would be better off on my own without the added stress. It was tough, and super lonely, but definitely better.

[quote MJMG2015]@PerseverancePays

I can't believe he didn't tell you for weeks. I would have been really angry he didn't use the reins, but assumed he'd learnt his lesson (fortunately with just a scare!), but not to have told me would probably have ended in divorce as I'd feel I couldn't trust him, if he could keep something like that from me.[/quote]
Hi, I replied a couple of boxes down as I missed which tag to click to a quote! 😄

I always think of MrsPresley when I read these threads, she lost her little boy and her story has stuck with me since having my eldest. DD2 shall be walking soon and I shall be using reins again. You're making the right decision in keeping them safe.

My friend who comes from Italy was outraged when she saw people using reins on children here! She thought it was wrong and only for dogs.

I see no problem with them. My mum used them on me when I was younger and it's not like I've grown up barking or peeing on lampposts!
They're for safety.

reins were the only reason my son wasnt killed by a bus. He walked early and he was a runner. if i hadnt had reins on him that day, he would have been under a double decker bus before i could blink. I have never felt fear like it in my life,that split second pulling him back by the reins was a moment in time i never ever want to repeat. use the reins for as long as they are needed, its keeping your child safe in a way that allows them some freedom and independence and gives you the peace of mind that they are safe.

This thread has reminded me I need reins for my nearly-waking twins (both of whom are completely feral and will probably delight in launching themselves into every possible dangerous situation once they can walk) so have just bought some from Amazon - so you can let your friend know that her comments have contributed to 2 more toddlers having their human rights violated!

Tell her to sod off. Keeping ur child safe is more important than silly remarks.