To be upset about my friend's comments?

[LaBellina]

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well .

If she *has DC of her own

I didn't really use reins with DS but I know my ILs used them with him.
Like PP says, better reins then a dead child.

Your friend is rude and ridiculous.

And PP who says non parents arent qualified to have an opinion is also ridiculous. I don't have children but i feel free to have opinions nonetheless. I try to be thoughtful, observe, learn and ask questions tho. And to try not be a twat when expressing my opinion.

I used reins for both of my kids. My eldest always held my hand but it hurt my back to keep bending down so I always had reins in my bag. My second wouldn’t walk if you held her hand and would either sit on the ground or try and pull her hand out of mine. If she was in reins she had the freedom she wanted but was safe. Also reins stop them falling.

Not only are they are very good means of avoiding your child getting away from you, but they're also very useful when they trip or slip on ice, as you can keep them from falling.

Thanks for the comments so far.
I was really doubting my own judgement but most of you have worded my initiatal thoughts that it's very easy to judge others and that a toddler in reins is better then a toddler in danger.

My friend said the same. I told her I’d rather have my son on a “lead” than under a car (he was indeed a runner at that age)

Ignore the silly mare, we had to use reigns for our youngest and it was great as he very often didn't want to hold hands. If he had the reigns on we think that he felt more in control as he could toddle about and stop and start when he felt like. I think we stopped using them just after he was 2.5 years as he got better at hand holding. Do what feels right for you and your child.

@LaBellina

No she doesn't have any DC herself. She is a wonderful auntie for my DS though and she loves children very much.

I could tell from her teach them not to run off comment she doesn't have kids. She has no idea how hard it is. It is for everyone's safety, you can explain for a toddler until you are blue in the face not to run in to roads but there will be that one time you have your arms full and they decide now is the moment to go. I think they're fine and it's your child.

She's a dick. And a rude one at that. Sorry.

Reins are good for some parents. We didn't use them (though we had a pair) because we didn't need them. We didn't have a runner.
The only time we did try was for extra safety at a busy zoo on a day out. Admittedly it didn't actually work because DD found it hilarious to throw herself forwards and swing instead. DH and I laughing at her probably didn't help.

Why is it bad to put a dog on a lead?

She doesn't have kids yet passing judgement on someone keeping their child safe? .
My DS was walking at
10.5 months he's now 15 months and runs everywhere and bolts everywhere. I use reins. People can judge all they want.

My mum always said she hates kids on reins as soon as my son was walking she bought him reigns 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Btw yes we use them x

Ignore. I had one that ran off at any opportunity. ANY.

There is a MN poster who had twins and sadly one of them ran in to the road and died, I believe. For a long time she’d come on to these threads and advocate the use of reins to avoid exactly this scenario.

I can’t remember the name of the poster but it was incredibly sad. for her

I can't believe she thinks reins violate human rights 🤣

It's actually almost funny...a violation of human rights?! What particular human right? The right of a toddler to run into the path of an oncoming car?!

Just ignore her.

You’ll come across loads of this in future, those who think their way of raising children is correct, you really need to learn not to let it bother you.

She doesn’t sound like a caring friend though so maybe keep an eye on other comments and try to find more your sort of people if she continues.

Ignore her.

I used to think like her too. Which was fine with my first born son who stuck close by me and wouldn’t even get out of bed without asking first.
Then my second came along who would leg it into oncoming traffic/water/open manholes at any given opportunity.
She’d be a goner if it weren’t for reigns (and a very helpful passing drunk man who stopped her running into the road)

There’s nothing wrong with reins, or playpens, or anything else of that ilk. They keep our little ones safe and in fact DD loved her reins as they afforded a little bit of independence at that age - we had a back pack one and a wrist one depending on what we were doing.

@ShirleyPhallus

There is a MN poster who had twins and sadly one of them ran in to the road and died, I believe. For a long time she’d come on to these threads and advocate the use of reins to avoid exactly this scenario.

I can’t remember the name of the poster but it was incredibly sad. for her

The nightmare of every parent and the reason why we think it's ok to use them. How incredibly sad

Your friend is an idiot.
It is additional safety.
If reins are blah blah human rights blah blah leash then surely pushchairs are too. You are strapping a toddler into a chair that they can't get out of.

She needs to wind her neck in.

If restricting a child's freedom to go anywhere they want at any point is a human rights issue then we are constantly violating their human rights by putting them in buggys, car seats, holding their hand, carrying them etc

A 16 month isn’t going to reliably not run off. You are in the right but she doesn’t know any better and is probably just thinking of a perfect world that doesn’t exist . Just don’t use them in front of her.