To be upset about my friend's comments?

[LaBellina]

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well .

You will do a LOT of things as a parent from now and for many years that could be considered w violation of human rights but small children are often stupid !!' With no self awareness ... and it's our job to keep them alone let alone safe 🤦‍♀️

Ignore her. I used reins for a short period with both children as they were runners! They are great.

OP I wore rains as a very small kid, I was a runner, used to get out of my pushchair and make a run: I escaped from home when I was two and a half, and my mum saw me from the terrace as I walked towards the railway line. If she took her eyes off me to open her purse to pay the baker; I was off. Let me tell you I have not suffered from it. I don´t have any psychological trauma and love my mum to bits and thank her for taking such good care of me until I was old enough to know better.
My daughter has worn them occasionally and now she is 2 and a half she is getting better at hand holding so I haven´t used them lately. I bought them when she was nearly run over by the taxi I was hailing. She managed to squeeze past me as I tried to close the buggy. Never again.

@GilbertMarkham

*, but she's very stubborn usually, it's not worth getting into an argument about this with her."

She doesn't actually sound like all that wonderful a person ... You sound too nice and you'll probably realise more and more things about her.

This.

She doesn't sound very nice at all.

No adult has ever needed therapy because as a child a parent put reins on them occasionally.

The reins are about your child being safe. My daughter wore them 30 years ago and people felt they could share their views about. It was the same when my granddaughter was wearing them. It was something I insisted on being able to use with her parents (my stepdaughter). I had serious concerns about being able to keep our granddaughter safe. You can still hold the child's hand but it does allow them to explore with safe parameters ie walking along the edge of a river or along a pier. Ignore them all. Enjoy this time it passes too quickly.

Your not wrong at all, totally justified by wanting a reins in certain circumstances.. I recently just had a child and plan to get one when he's older for busy streets etc

You friend just sounds completely rude and pedantic and I'm guessing by her opinion on human rights that she doesn't have kids herself. She should wise up a little and be more supportive towards you and your choices as it's what friendship is all about

Ah the perfect parent who doesn’t have kids.

Your friend is a knobhead.

I don't see the difference actually between reins and holding the DC's hand in terms of restricted freedom? I really wonder why people think it's such a 'drastic protection measure'. The children are not wearing a collar with inside spikes .

My third child thought that running and hiding was hilarious so it was reins for her, to keep her safe, she was about two at the time. Explained this to DH who was taking them out. He didn’t put her in the reins and he lost her. Police were alerted, helicopter sent out and thankfully she was found sitting on a bench with an elderly woman waiting with her until she was found. Long time go now, but I’m still cross with him!

@MissMissICantDoThis

I visited a national trust property once and there was a man with two toddlers using actual dog leads. The children seemed to be having a great time.

Whatever keeps them safe.

I have 5 children and didn't realise until baby number 5 that the little clips that you get on the side of pushchairs seats are to clip the baby reins to to stop them climbing out of pushchairs.

What clips? I can't go look as there's a baby asleep on me but I can't picture anything.

Tell her to mind her own business and not to tell you how to parent especially as she doesn't even have any children herself. I hatevowoole which have no children yet think they are experts on how to bring children up. Would she rather your child get kidnapped or ran over? What an idiot!!

Oh and your friend is an idiot. I would be reluctant to have her babysit the child at any point though as you now know how poor her judgement is in terms of child safety.

I'd rather see a child on reins than ever have to go to another funeral of a small child who ran into the road. Your friend is a dick.

I used reins, the Jamie Bulger story was all over the news at the time and he was the same age as him, sod his human rights I was keeping a tight grip.

‘Violation of human rights’ 😂 👍🏻
My teens would love that, and by this rationale accuse me of this every time I made them brush their teeth, go to bed at a reasonable time, stop gaming and do homework, eat some veggies not just crap.
Your friend needs to understand that parenting involves enforcing some boundaries that children might not always like But it’s for their own good. Keep on with the reins if they work for you.

She's right. Also seatbelts, blowing on your child's food before spooning it in, encouraging toddlers to eat novel foods that they spit out and baby gates.
All human rights violations.

Christ on a bike OP: you'll be telling us next that you put him down to sleep in a bed with bars like a cage: you monster!

Or....you could click your tongue and go 'walk on horsey horsey' as you jiggle the reins and trot all the way up the pavement with your toddler laughing like a drain....

I used the reins that go across the child's chest and would hold the reins, personally and it is my own opinion I'd prefer to have them on the reins than they run into the road when they're little and have no concept of danger.

That old chestnut, eh?

Reins, are great. The child gets to feel like they're getting some independence and learns to navigate the world but you're still in control. It's a safe way for them to learn.

OMG @PerseverancePays ! You must've been sick with worry!

How old was the child?

I never knew some people have a problem with reigns until I came on Mumsnet.

I actually did use a proper dog lead instead of the really short strap that came with DSs reigns 🤣 in my defence I am really tall, and it hurt my back to bend down to hold it properly and he liked wondering ahead a bit so he like the longer lead.

In my experience, the first time someone does this sort of ridiculous crazy OTT judging thing with you, especially a friend or colleague, you're so surprised that you don't know how to react. Only you can decide whether or not you're going to say something to her, but what you can do is be prepared because unfortunately, this is NOT going to be the last time she says something about this or something similar. She is clearly a good friend with her heart int he right place, but is also very clueless.

So make sure you have answers. Obviously, you can be prepared for any further discussions re reins. But also, be prepared with appropriate generic statements if she throws something unexpected at you, "I've spent time thinking hard about what's best for DS based on his personality and our situation and I'm very comfortable with our decision" or whatever more natural flow of words comes out from you.

Also, and I may be projecting here from previous experience, get ready for her to make comments to your DS that are unnecessary. Eg wanting to take him off the reins or, if you've decided he can do something but she thinks its unsafe, she might try to stop him from doing it. Again, stock answers along lines of, "it's fine the way we've done it" or whatever.

There's nothing wrong with reins and they should be the first port of call to see if a child can walk nicely and safely. Not the second if all else fails.

Some of the stuff people come out with boggles my head I swear.

Why did I spell them as reigns? 🤔 Forgive me, I'm very tired.

@LaBellina

No she doesn't have any DC herself. She is a wonderful auntie for my DS though and she loves children very much.

This is all you need to remember

They’re not her dc.

She literally doesn’t know what she’s talking about and when her time comes you can bet your arse she will get reins.

If she comments again, tell her thanks for her comments but you’re not looking for her approval on this, it’s a decision you have taken to keep your kids safe.

Shut it down there and then