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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about my friend's comments?

274 replies

LaBellina · 29/10/2020 10:38

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well .

OP posts:

mrswhiplington · 30/10/2020 11:47

I wish we had put reins on our DD when she went missing for about 20 minutes in the Trafford Centre in Manchester. Awful experience. She was about 8 at the time.

Sunsetdawn · 30/10/2020 11:54

I had no idea this was an issue until I started reading MN. I too would prefer to use reins than have a dead child.

MustardMitt · 30/10/2020 12:35

I would have no qualms about telling her she was being really fucking stupid tbh. Reins are absolutely brilliant when you have a child who you can’t trust to not bolt, or simply a small child who doesn’t walk well yet. Also, toddlers are little and adults are tall - I’m supposed to cause myself back ache to hold a child’s hand all the time because some idiots think that toddlers apparently have MORE common sense than a well-trained dog?!

Georgeoftheinternet · 30/10/2020 12:39

By the very fact that people think dog keeping is human shows their lack of thought.
Taking a dog away from it’s own species and normally at a young age - just so the human owner has something to care for. The dog is then given meals it hasn’t hunted for and often not specific to a diet it normally eats (eg raw meat). The dog is than removed of its ability to have children and it’s put on a lead for walkies - again when the human dictates.

Having a child on a lead so it had a bit of independence and so that Jamie Bulger incident doesn’t happen is inhuman? It’s a child.

pigsDOfly · 30/10/2020 17:32

@Georgeoftheinternet

By the very fact that people think dog keeping is human shows their lack of thought. Taking a dog away from it’s own species and normally at a young age - just so the human owner has something to care for. The dog is then given meals it hasn’t hunted for and often not specific to a diet it normally eats (eg raw meat). The dog is than removed of its ability to have children and it’s put on a lead for walkies - again when the human dictates.

Having a child on a lead so it had a bit of independence and so that Jamie Bulger incident doesn’t happen is inhuman? It’s a child.

Not entirely sure there any connection between humans keeping dogs, and they way they are treated, and children wearing reins.

What point are you trying to make exactly?

user1471538283 · 30/10/2020 17:44

She is being ridiculous. I had reins as a child because I wouldn't sit in my pram. My DS had reins and then a wrist strap because like your DH I was terrified of him running into traffic. When I minded my friends little girl so had two of them together they both had reins. You are not violating his human rights you are parenting him. She clearly has no idea how fast toddlers can move.

Terrace58 · 30/10/2020 17:55

I thought they were awful too until my
Toddler took off running and got a hundred yards away from me before she thankfully stopped. The girl was fast. She wore an adorable monkey backpack with a tail in similar situations for the next few months.

Oldraver · 30/10/2020 18:17

I know you said you don't want to hurt her re saying anything to her. But remember she wasn't bothered about hurting you

No one in their right mind can say what she did without knowing their words would be hurtful

Georgeoftheinternet · 30/10/2020 18:38

@pigsDOfly the friend of the OP claimed that the mother was treating her child like a dog and it’s inhuman. So when you compare two behaviours (dog on a lead and baby in restraints used outdoors) it becomes a lot clearer.

Baby/toddler/human on restraints when walking with parents in crowded spaces, where the baby can wonder no more than 1 metre, it’s used for their safety, doesn’t harm them, age specific etc.

lyralalala · 30/10/2020 19:12

@LaBellina

I don't see the difference actually between reins and holding the DC's hand in terms of restricted freedom? I really wonder why people think it's such a 'drastic protection measure'. The children are not wearing a collar with inside spikes

Reins are actually much, much more comfortable for a child than hand holding.

I was always a hand-holder until on a training course a woman had us all put our arm up for the duration of her talk. It's really uncomfortable after a while - no wonder a lot of kids kick off!

netstaller · 30/10/2020 19:27

People without kids just don't get things like that. Ignore her and do what you feel is best for your child

Mummae21 · 30/10/2020 19:31

@FadedRed

Your friend is talking bollocks. Print this out and refer to it daily: I have found it invaluable.

😂😂😂😂 I love this!

badg3r · 30/10/2020 20:49

We used reins. Now I have my middle kid on a balance bike, i have a lead (one of those ones for scooters) that I pull him around with when we are out with the baby in the sling and I wouldn't be able to run round after him if he got too far ahead. I hadn't thought of how it looks till last week when I realised it was basically exactly the same as walking a dog 🤣 do what suits you. As you say, your friend will unfortunately not know what it is like to be in your position. I think you will just have to let it slide tbh, but very few other people will care if you use the reins.

InvisibleDragon · 30/10/2020 21:39

Haven't rtft.

Just wanted to say that I had reins when I was a toddler and I remember liking them so much more than having to hold someone's hand. From my 2-year old perspective, they were long enough that I felt like I could move around much more freely, I didn't have to stand so close that I was tripping over my mum's feet and no-one was yanking my arm around or leaving smelly, greasy hand cream on my fingers.

Perhaps I was an odd child, but they really were so much less frustrating than hand holding. If your child likes wearing them OP, go for it. Your friend is clueless and being judgemental.

fatherfintanstack · 31/10/2020 11:24

I was a bit of a bolter as a small child and my mum resorted to reins after I made a break for the road a few times. I can honestly say I don't feel as though they have affected me adversely or have breached my human rights in any way! Tell her it would be in line with article 2 of the Act, preserving the child's right to life when he can't make his own decisions, if anything! If reins are going to help with your peace of mind and your child's safety, use them.

Rainbowsparklesdust1921 · 31/10/2020 12:03

Ignore her, you're keeping your child safe! I've just bought reins for my ds who is 19 months. Why is it other people think they can tell you how to parent your child? I would've laughed in her about the human rights thing 🤣

Fatarseflanagan09 · 31/10/2020 12:08

Does she think you're going to hitch him to a cart or something ffs?

Storyoftonight · 31/10/2020 12:28

Human rights I've heard it all now.

Given the choice , toddlers would like to eat poo and sit in the middle of the road and do all sorts of things.

The convention of human rights for children doesn't mention the right to walk. It does however mention the right to safety and protection.

She's being ridiculous OP.

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 31/10/2020 13:02

Stick with your instincts, coming from the Mum who had to drop phone, wallet etc whilst toddler ran out of the shop towards a main road. Better than a dead child.

I had thought by that time, about 2& half that I didn't need them.

hamptonedge · 31/10/2020 16:38

So, she'd rather he ran into the road when you were blinking than have his human rights violated by wearing reins🤔 She needs to wait until she has 'trained a toddler to walk by her side' before commenting. Buy and use reins- she is 🦇💩.

Lau52 · 31/10/2020 16:46

Take no notice of her opinion. I was against them too pre child. I didn't need them for my dd, but my ds did run out school gate once as toddler straight across road. Thankfully no cars at the time but why take the risk. I use them for my 3rd ds, as he is also type to run out in the road.
My Dh knows someone who ran over a young child few weeks ago, child came out of nowhere, sadly the child died, she also had her kids in car and is pregnant and she is absolutely traumatised as will be child's family. Nothing wrong with using extra measures to keep your child safe.

Procrastination4 · 31/10/2020 16:52

My mother had a reins and playpen for us five children when we were at that potentially dangerous age from 1 to 3...able to walk, run and get around but not a scrap of sense. It kept us all safe and left us with absolutely no psychological damage or anything else. Ignore your ridiculous friend. If it keeps your little boy safe that’s good enough reason to use them.

Laughingcrow · 31/10/2020 16:54

She's a knob. Happy to help

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 31/10/2020 17:00

Your friend is an idiot Op, sorry.

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