To be upset about my friend's comments?

[LaBellina]

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well .

Just quote Jamie Bulger. Had he been wearing rains life would have been better.

Ask her if it's a violation of human rights to strap a child into a child seat in the car, or into a buggy. Should they be left to wander around the car at will and go through the windscreen if there's a crash?

Surely also on her logic holding your child's hands to stop them running into the road would be a violation of human rights?

OP can I suggest you treat this as a learning curve to completely disregard the opinion of others of you feel they are not in the best interest of your child. Do not be polite. Be a great parent. That’s your primary job now.

If I hadn’t used them with my Ds, we would have had a serious accident. He was a bolter. He wouldn’t listen. But he wanted to walk (run) everywhere.

They were a life saver for me but Christ, I got some horrible comments.

Even if she did have her own kids, it's absolutely none of her business.

My eldest never needed reins, has always loved holding hands and would never run off.

My second is a complete liability and it's either reins or pram when we're in busy places or by a road. It's just not worth the risk. I'm protecting her and I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else thinks. She's only little and she will learn how to be safe by the road but at her age, there is absolutely no point in putting her in danger.

Do you know why I put my dog on a lead? Because I love him and want him to have the freedom to trot about and examine things that interest him on a walk. But don't want him to be hurt or killed by something that he doesn't have the capacity to understand is dangerous.

Do you know why I used reins on my DS when he was a toddler? Because I love him and wanted him to have the freedom to trot about and examine things that interested him on a walk. But didn't want him to be hurt or killed by something that he didn't have the capacity to understand is dangerous.

It's such a fucking stupid thing to make a negative comparison of. There is a comparison, it is actually very like having a dog on a lead. But that's not actually negative. Most people don't put dogs on leads for any other reason than that their dog is a beloved family member and the lead is a good way to allow the dog freedom to explore within a safe boundary. It's the exact same with a toddler. In fact not doing, would in most cases, mean the toddler has less freedoms than a dog.

Our local news showed a horrible bit of cctv of a little boy skipping down a road behind his family, only to be hit and killed by a car. If the boy had been on reins he would have been much closer to the adults and visible to the driver. Children's human rights are well defined by UN convention. You can look through them and he will be taught them at school. He has the right to play freely but that means he should be given times when he can play, it is not a 24 hours a day thing. Look through them here www.unicef.org.uk/what-we-do/un-convention-child-rights/

Use the reins. They are SO much better than they awful scenario of tiny toddler straining to be help by parental hand! Your friend is ridiculous.

using reins is a violation of human rights

Dear god! What a ridiculous comment, I couldn't be friends with such an hysterical ridiculous person!

Tell her to mon her own business or use her time helping people who have really had a violation of human rights!

everyone is a perfect parent, until they are one.
Exactly.

I had a runner, and reins saved his life on a couple of occasions. He's 8 now and has turned out fine. As soon as he was old enough to obey me and walk by my side I never bothered with them but he actually loved them. And they stopped him faceplanting many times when he stumbled over pavement cracks.

And as a bonus, when they are tantrumming you can pick them up like an angry handbag and carry on.

Your friend is an idiot. I’d make her an ex friend. Toddlers are like dogs they can bolt or run into road. It must be so uncomfortable for them walking with arm above head holding hands or having to always be in pram. Mines a teen now but had some pink mothercare reigns £10 well spent. Went on holiday to Florida and got her Winnie Pooh backpack type as I’d heard Americans were funny about reigns so many people stopped us asking where they could buy them. Never got a negative comment here.

I wouldn't be upset about the dog comment. Tbf toddlers and dogs are quite similar. My DS used to have a lead attached to his backpack, he actually liked that it was the same colour as the dog's lead!

Ignore the silly woman. If you have your DC on a rein (or preferablly one of those backpacks with a retractable cord and handle) you wont have to worry about them legging off between parked cars or turning your back for 1 second in M&S and they have legged it. All true scenarios on my part.

As they get older buy them a scooter. [https://www.micro-scooters.co.uk/mini-micro-3in1-deluxe-gruffalo-push-along-scooter-aqua-v2.html This]]

She's very rude.
Ignorant, but also very rude.

Her card would be marked for me.

When you have children it is important to have positive supportive people around, it can be hard enough without listening to rubbish like that from so called "friends".

One of my children absolutely broke my heart because he was a "bolter".

Reins would have allowed us to take him for more walks. As it was, he was kept in his buggie when we were out.

They have absolutely no sense at 16 months and for a long time after.

Safety first. Always.

human rights 🤣🤣🤣
Note the ‘friend’ has no kids, wait until she has a 18mth old dervish and you can be smug.
Your friend is a twat.

I use them with mine and hold their hand too. The reins are for when they let go. They are at an adorable age but have absolutely zero sense of danger. I'd rather use reins than there be an accident.

Everyone is the perfect parent until they are one. Ask her for her opinions on screen time . And baby weaning...

So basically what she is saying that it is perfectly acceptable to care so much for your dogs that you want to keep them from harm, but not your child!
Ridiculous, ignore, always better to be say than sorry.

Human rights ffs

I always think of James Bulger too, it was heartbreaking. I'd use the reins and ignore your friend.

Does she use a seatbelt?

Your friend is an ass hat

Thread on here a few weeks ago - a mum asking for advice on how to keep her toddler safe as said tod didn't want to be trapped in buggy but too dangerous an area to run around freely - almost 100% of mums netters suggested reigns.I used them for my three - marvellous - ignore friend on this point

I was dead preachy about reins when I had DC1, who was super easy to control.

Then I had DC2, who was a runner with no risk aversion and I soon changed my fucking tune

Just ignore her. Do what you need to do to keep your child safe.

A school mum scoffed at me for having a stair gate but her poor child fell down their stairs and broke her arm, your friend is absolutely deluded