To be upset about my friend's comments?

[LaBellina]

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well .

My DS is a runner. I've tried to teach him not to run, but to him it's a joke, I hold his hand but he squirms and then doesn't want to carry on walking. Reins gives him the independence he wants to walk by himself. So i think my DS prefers the reins rather than me constantly shouting at him to stand still or hold my hand.
Ignore your friend, you know what is best for your child. It winds me up when others get involved with children that aren't theirs!

During my walks in lockdown there were loads of toddlers hurtling around - the little buggers seemed faster than Usain Bolt & very adept at whizzing off when their parents were distracted.
There were many occasions when the children were far away from their parents - times when the child could've been snatched or run out into a road.
I don't have children but reins seemed sensible for little ones that don't have a sense of risk or danger. Some of the wrist reins I saw gave them more freedom but a safety link to their parent.
Two words to say to your human rights bleating friend. Jamie Bulger.

I like the persons comment who said that you should point out that she must think car seats are wrong or a safety gate on the stairs! Use this as a come back. She hasn’t thought it though.

I don't have children and I'm not an idiot.

Can you imagine reporting somebody for using toddler reins to Amnesty international?! 🤣

I'm happy to violate my dog's human rights by walking her on a lead. I wonder if your friend is one of the same people who think preventing their toddlers from going and patting random dogs without asking or even understanding dog body language is a breach of the toddler's human right too? I wonder if she has anything to say on my dog's right to bodily autonomy and to not be mauled by passing toddlers?

Your friend needs to have some serious words with herself.

Better rains than a dead child. My son had them for a short amount of time on a dinosaur bag, he was very erratic and would try to run off any chance he got, lol.

I’d be super interested in her opinion if knowing your child had started to bolt you instead respected his right to freedom and unfortunately he died on the road. I wonder if she’d be congratulating you or thinking you were an absolute tool?

She's being an idiot, and an incredibly rude one at that! As others have mentioned, there's a poster on MN called Mrs Presley who lost one of her twins when her husband decided not to use reins for a short trip and he was hit by a car.

Please pay no mind to your friend's comments and keep your DS safe. Reins, backpack reins, wrist strap - whatever it takes.

@Jocasta2018

During my walks in lockdown there were loads of toddlers hurtling around - the little buggers seemed faster than Usain Bolt & very adept at whizzing off when their parents were distracted. There were many occasions when the children were far away from their parents - times when the child could've been snatched or run out into a road. I don't have children but reins seemed sensible for little ones that don't have a sense of risk or danger. Some of the wrist reins I saw gave them more freedom but a safety link to their parent. Two words to say to your human rights bleating friend. Jamie Bulger.

Jocasta2018 - my DNephew is exactly like that! Faster than Usain Bolt!

Since lockdown he's moved to Bath countryside and until recently was 2 minute walk from cows, sheep, pigs in a field - total contrast to his Hackney urban lifestyle!

But now - whenever he's visited parks - especially London ones - he's off like a shot - very fast and so sudden. His DM recently got him reins actually.

Reins are safer than your child running off, or you having to jerk their wrist (when bones are prone to dislocations at that age)!

I honestly hate when child free friends give their well intentioned yet quite annoying/ignorant advice on raising my children.

My mum (a nursery nurse) always put walking reins on me and my siblings when we were babies/toddlers. Apparently she often got "told off" by strangers for putting the reins on us, as we "were children and not dogs". She would politely tell people to mind their own business. As an adult, I can assure you that I don't feel that my human rights were violated because my mum used walking reins on me.
When I became a mother, I did exactly the same for my two kids. It kept them safe, but also gave them the freedom to walk more freely than being cooped up in a push chair or having to hold my hand (my DD wouldn't). It stops them from slipping out of your hand grasp and boiling. To me, it's a no brainer and I'd always recommend them! One of the things that definitely swung it for me (to use walking reins) though was remembering the James Bulger case. I was 11/12 when that happened, but it haunted me (as I'm sure it has many). It took only a couple of minutes for little James to be taken, whilst his mother was paying for something in a shop (I think!). For me, the walking reins gave me peace of mind about that sort of thing too.

A violation of human rights? What a bloody stupid remark.

Does she actually know what those words mean in the real world?

My 2 year old grandson has a little backpack with a strap on it as his reins. He absolutely loves it.

When we go out for walks we can walk beside the road without him having to have his arm stretched up to hold my hand, he feels free and grownup walking along the street without having to hold hands and I feel relaxed knowing that he's safe.

Your friend sounds rather stupid, tbh.

I used reins when dc small For the sort of outdoors places you describe tbh neither dc would really run off to much but just generally you know how toddlers can be clumsy etc I just found it safer particularly if I was switching between letting dc walk and Sit in the buggy on longer trips and only had one hand free just seemed safer

Your mate is being a knob

Why have we become a nation of people who think they have the right to try and tell other people what to do.
Reins were used all the time back in the 50s 60s etc. I don't remember ever being aware of people commenting on them, why would they, what's it got to do with anyone

It's your child, not hers. I think reins are very sensible.

Violation of human rights my arse. We're talking about a toddler. You're keeping him safe. It'd be a violation of his human rights not to keep him safe.

I'm a dog owner and my dog has no road sense. I use a lead to keep her safe and prevent accidents. And so what if it's the same for toddlers?

And as others have said, it's not just roads, but general safety. I don't know how old you are, but I'm old enough to remember James Bulger's murder. They became very common after that. A child can go missing or get snatched so quickly.

Maybe your friend should have a chat with @MrsPresley. She's the MNer who lost a child when he didn't have reins on.

Well according to your friend, I must violate my childrens human rights every time I yank them back from stepping into danger (eg one got too close to the duck pond yesterday after throwing some bread in), hold them down to brush their teeth, pin them down to change nappies, force them to go for a wee before we go out because they dont want one, force them to drink water to try and prevent another UTI when they're not thirsty, force medicine upon them when it tastes disgusting and they dont want it, imprison them in the corner for time out occasionally when they wont stop being naughty etc....

You cant reason with very young children or teach them much. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and let them get on with it. Yes you can do the 'hold mummy's hand or we are not going anywhere' dance but sometimes toddler stubbornness is greater than a parents patience and you just dont have time.

I didnt use reins with my first as she has always been very aware of danger, but I had to with my second, she is so stubborn she just wouldnt walk holding my hand, or go in the buggy (learnt to escape from that v early on) or anything really. She walked a lot earlier and had no sense of danger and was always falling over so it helped her stop getting hurt. Even now though my 5 year old, who has good road sense (we live on a main road) would run out if she saw a friend on the other side of the road or dropped something in the road. So how your friend thinks you can 'teach' a 16 month old, so that they understand, even if they drop a toy in the road, to not try and get it, is laughable.

I'm not sure if I'd say anything to your friend unless she makes comments like that regularly or brings it up again. Then I think I'd tell her she is welcome to go through the green cross code with my toddler but until he can recite it I think keeping him safe is more important than his human right to dash into the road whenever he wants. And if she persisted I would say we would need to agree to disagree and I didnt want opinions on my parenting from her and if she genuinely thinks I'm abusing his human rights she should contact the police or amnesty international. I would probably not discuss the details of parenting decisions with her any more though, I'd just keep it general as she obviously has different views and doesn't mind airing them so I think that would stop you getting hurt in the future

@Jocasta2018

During my walks in lockdown there were loads of toddlers hurtling around - the little buggers seemed faster than Usain Bolt & very adept at whizzing off when their parents were distracted. There were many occasions when the children were far away from their parents - times when the child could've been snatched or run out into a road. I don't have children but reins seemed sensible for little ones that don't have a sense of risk or danger. Some of the wrist reins I saw gave them more freedom but a safety link to their parent. Two words to say to your human rights bleating friend. Jamie Bulger.

Jamie Bulger was also what I thought of. It's indeed not only running off into a busy road or the danger of falling on the train tracks. It's also him running off in a crowded place and being found by the kind of person that is every parent's worst nightmare. Jamie Bulger's tragic death is indeed a horrible, horrible example of that.

She sounds like an idiot

See I don't get the treating him like a dog argument.

I love my doggy, she's my baby. I put her on a leash so she doesn't run off or get run over by a car. Because her not being with me would make me incredibly sad.

I love my daughter. She's my baby. I used to have her on reins to she wouldn't run away of be run over by a car. Because her not being with me would make me incredibly sad.

Why would I keep my dog safe and not my children?

Indeed @OoohTheStatsDontLie I won't be discussing any parenting choices with her anymore. It's a shame because we usually can talk about anything and she is usually the one to tell me that I should not be judgemental of others....oh, the irony....

It's weird, a lot of people are very strange about reins on children. I think there is something about it that sets them off. It seems really arbitrary to me to be ok with forcibly holding a child's hand, or keeping them in a buggy, but not to be ok with reins.

When I was little, it was pretty common for mums i my neighbourhood to tie toddlers to the front step so they could play in the yard while the mums worked in the kitchen. While some worries about the safety of that are justified, I always thought that seemed much nicer than being stuck inside waiting for someone to take you out.

I had them for one of my kids, who was a runner, and fast, and had zero sense - I bought them after she almost escaped me into a busy parking lot. She ran by at least a dozen people who saw me running after her too and didn't stop her. The others didn't need them, but she was focused and made plans in a way the others didn't.

Used them on my 11month early walker/accident prone DC. They are very, very useful and they are not a leash. They allow the child more distance from the pram actually while not holding hands/using hands for balancing.

Will you friend respect her DC's right to put their fingers in electronic sockets or will she infringe their human rights by preventing them to?

I know I am being petulant on this last example, but being a parent often means restricting a child's right to roam/eat weird things, etc. It is parenting.

@LaBellina

No she doesn't have any DC herself. She is a wonderful auntie for my DS though and she loves children very much.

Well, other than you won't be able to allow her to take him out anywhere until he's about 4 for his own safety.

Oh god I cbf to read the whole post. Nothing wrong with using it.

I use reins to keep my toddler safe. Nothing wrong with it. Ignore her.