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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit unsettling

192 replies

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/10/2020 17:47

So OH has been away for 2 Nights; he comes home this afternoon and asks how the youngest slept, he’s a terrible sleeper. I said not too bad really and he said oh yes I thought so as when I had a look he was asleep. So I had forgotten that the kids monitors link to my OHs mobile phone. Is it a bit odd to be looking at their monitors from the other end of the country? Not sure why but I found it a bit unsettling. AIBU?

OP posts:
KurriKawari · 29/10/2020 11:24

I doubt he is sat there glued to it staring at the screen 24/7 waiting to catch OP upto something in her kids bedroom :/

AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2020 11:26

It's more unsettling that you think it's unsettling tbh Dad misses his kids and has a look at them on the baby monitor........

MoonJelly · 29/10/2020 11:27

@OverTheRainbow88

I think I’ll just unplug it in the day time and then turn it on for the night time!
Why? Isn't he allowed to look at his children during the day even though you can?
Frequentcarpetflyer · 29/10/2020 11:29

@AryaStarkWolf

It's more unsettling that you think it's unsettling tbh Dad misses his kids and has a look at them on the baby monitor........
She doesn't think that it's unsettling that her husband misses his children! You have either completely misunderstood ot misinterpreted on purpose.
AlternativePerspective · 29/10/2020 11:30

Well, maybe the question should be whether you have these monitors at all.

I don’t agree with them personally but it’s a personal thing and what works for one doesn’t work for another and vice versa.

But if it’s unacceptable for him to look at the monitors then it’s equally unacceptable for you to look at them and as such you should get rid of them altogether.

TTGO · 29/10/2020 11:33

What are you doing that your worried he will see?

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 29/10/2020 11:33

Yes it’s nice he misses the boys, yes it’s sweet he wants to see them- that isn’t my issue.

I don’t like that he did it without me knowing, that he asked how the youngest slept and then told
Me he knew anyway- felt like he was asking to see if I was being honest as often I moan about how the youngest sleeps and this night in question he actually slept pretty well.

Now I know he does it I am ok with that. I am
Not controlling, he can call whenever he can/likes.

And no I am not concerned my OH has seen something he shouldn’t have and no I am not having an affair 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 29/10/2020 11:34

But if it’s unacceptable for him to look at the monitors then it’s equally unacceptable for you to look at them and as such you should get rid of them altogether.

I have it on and next to my head when I sleep so I hear when the youngest wakes up and can go and see him as I’m a deep sleeper and worry I’ll miss him Crying

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2020 11:34

@Frequentcarpetflyer Why would I misinterpret it on purpose? That would be silly.

What is unsettling about it then if it's not the dad looking at his children on the monitor? Why have it linked to your phone if not for looking in on them?

emilyfrost · 29/10/2020 11:35

I don’t like that he did it without me knowing,

He didn’t do it behind your back. He looked at a baby monitor you both know is there. He doesn’t need to tell you if he’s using a product for the purpose it was intended.

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 29/10/2020 11:36

Why have it linked to your phone if not for looking in on them?

I’ve explained this. It’s on his mobile (well so I thought) for when they are napping and in the summer we went in the garden, the monitor doesn’t reach that far so had it on phone so could hear if they’ve woken up and to go in.

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 29/10/2020 11:39

Do you spend all day in their bedroom? If not, why bother turning it off?

AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2020 11:41

@OverTheRainbow88

Why have it linked to your phone if not for looking in on them?

I’ve explained this. It’s on his mobile (well so I thought) for when they are napping and in the summer we went in the garden, the monitor doesn’t reach that far so had it on phone so could hear if they’ve woken up and to go in.

Sure but it clearly works other places too though. If I had one on my phone when my kids were babies and I was away for a few nights I think i'd probably have given them a quick look in at night. I'm not trying to be rude, i just can't get my head around why this would be a bad thing
stackemhigh · 29/10/2020 11:42

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Because she’s saying her husband needs her permission to look at his own children. How is she NOT controlling?

But it’s not the children on their own is it? If it was, no issue. OP is there,, he can watch her, he is controlling, not OP!

And OP has just confirmed what I suggested at the beginning of the thread, he is checking up on her to see if the video feed corroborates what she tells him. How is that NOT controlling?

LadyFlumpalot · 29/10/2020 11:43

I think it's fine. I go away with work sometimes and occasionally I find myself waking in the night and I struggle to go back to sleep. On those occasions I find myself missing my babies (because everything feels crap at 2am) and if I could look in on them quickly I would. I certainly wouldn't be texting DH at 2am to ask him to wake the kids so I could FaceTime them.

With regards to your feeling that he might be trying to catch you out with how well your DS was sleeping, I see what you are saying, but I think it was probably your DHs way of saying he agrees with you.

Frequentcarpetflyer · 29/10/2020 11:49

I think having cameras filming people is generally an invasion of privacy ( obviously not if they are aware and have consented) Who stores these images? How secure is it?

Why do some people want to watch other people any time they feel like it? ( that doesn't apply in this case though)

DougRossIsTheBoss · 29/10/2020 12:03

Ok so it feeds into an issue you already have ie he perhaps feels guilty that he is away and can't help and you feel he doesn't understand how hard it is for you. When you want to be listened to about the difficulties he feels criticised for being away and tries to minimise to reduce his guilt.

Common normal stuff that again is resolved by talking about it

I would not interpret that comment as trying to catch you out. You could interpret it the opposite that he is asking if if was maybe worse at other times that he didn't see.

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