To find this a bit unsettling

[OverTheRainbow88]

So OH has been away for 2 Nights; he comes home this afternoon and asks how the youngest slept, he’s a terrible sleeper. I said not too bad really and he said oh yes I thought so as when I had a look he was asleep. So I had forgotten that the kids monitors link to my OHs mobile phone. Is it a bit odd to be looking at their monitors from the other end of the country? Not sure why but I found it a bit unsettling. AIBU?

What a strange reaction to your husband checking in on his own child!

Yes it is hard to explain. He’s away 4/7 nights most weeks and he’s never mentioned this before. So now I’m thinking has he been doing this the whole time?

But I guess IABU and will try and forget about it

I would check if I was away. I dont think it's weird at all

I find it endearing. I like the thought of someone a long way from home watching their child sleep.

He misses his children working away so often. This is a non issue.

Eh ! Would you not do the same op if you were away and you can look in on your child ?
I think they are brilliant I've got a couple of colleagues who have a camera to check on their dogs while at work .
It puzzles me that you have this but you find this unsettling that your dh looks in on his own dc . If he knew how you felt he'd find that unsettling. If he's watching you while your watching tv that would annoy me but looking at the sleeping child not at all .

Doesn't seem unsettling at all to me.

If I was away I wouldn’t look at the baby monitor, I would call and chat, or message OH asking how they are.

Their monitors are on the other side of the room so can see the whole bedroom from them.

Can he see anything other than the children's bedroom?

I would feel a little uneasy if I felt he could be randomly watching me while he was away but if it's literally just the dc in their bed then I don't see any issue.

I’d prefer to know - what if you went to the child in the night undressed? Even if it were just your husband, it still doesn’t feel comfortable to me to be on camera, recorded. I’d prefer to know roughly when he was logging in.

Well, if I had that app I definitely would use it to see my small DC when I was away.

There’s only one odd person in your marriage and it’s not your husband. I’d find your attitude offensive and controlling if I was in his shoes.

I wouldn’t be in the least bit “unsettled” by my husband - my child’s dad - looking in on his daughter at bedtime. No.

oh yes I thought so as when I had a look he was asleep.

What an odd thing to say though. He wanted you to know he looks at the monitor, either through guilt that he's not around 4 out of 7 nights or because he never does bedtime?

It’s not odd at all! Christ, no wonder the divorce rate is so high if people are this suspicious of their spouses!

I don't think it's odd. I do the same if I'm away and my OH and LG are at home. It makes me feel more connected to her when I'm away. Maybe I am odd but it helps my anxiety in a strange way.

The thing is you're away for 4 nights, wouldn't you want to call your wife to ask what the kids had been up to, any issues etc? Just looking at prone bodies when they're asleep is very passive.

Just looking at prone bodies when they're asleep is very passive.

Prone bodies? They’re his kids, sleeping peacefully. I love watching my daughter sleep.

Ok maybe odd and unsettling weren’t the best words.

I guess now I know it’s fine it’s because he’s never mentioned doing it before so didn’t know it was a thing!

@OverTheRainbow88

If I was away I wouldn’t look at the baby monitor, I would call and chat, or message OH asking how they are.

Their monitors are on the other side of the room so can see the whole bedroom from them.

Why does he have to go through you when he can peek in on his children directly instead?

I love watching my son sleep!
If I'm having a bad night or feeling overwhelmed, I sneak into his room sometimes. I find it so peaceful and makes me feel calm and happy.
I think it's lush that he does this.

I think you’re being really weird about this OP.

What is wrong with a father wanting to look at his children when he’s away from them?

It would be a different matter if he had left a camera in your bedroom to look at you. Or in other rooms to see if you had tidied up or what you were eating or watching on TV, but he’s looking at his children sleeping- it’s nice!

Also, OP has not (as yet) said that he stays away for 4 nights and never calls and asks about the kids.

He does call and speak to them when away. Well as well as you can speak to young kids on a phone!

I find it odd you wouldn’t look at the kids if you were away. Have you tested this in a real life scenario . Sitting alone in a hotel room with an app that you could easily look at your sleeping children?

I have a pet camera and used to travel a lot with work. I would check in in the cat, it’s perfectly Noel a that your oh looked at his children.

If it was a casual friend or something who said it then sure, but not their father/your DH. I think it's sweet, unless there's a backstory as to why you don't think so. Have you been away overnight much to be certain that you wouldn't quickly log in and have a look? It surprises me more when people don't change the passwords on them so it makes it easy for random people to watch, then I'd be creeped out.