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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit unsettling

192 replies

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/10/2020 17:47

So OH has been away for 2 Nights; he comes home this afternoon and asks how the youngest slept, he’s a terrible sleeper. I said not too bad really and he said oh yes I thought so as when I had a look he was asleep. So I had forgotten that the kids monitors link to my OHs mobile phone. Is it a bit odd to be looking at their monitors from the other end of the country? Not sure why but I found it a bit unsettling. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lovethesun100 · 28/10/2020 19:30

@OverTheRainbow88

He is their biological dad. I’m not sure, I guess if I were kid free away for 2 nights I wouldn’t be watching them on a monitor. I guess it dawned on me he could be watching all day etc!!
When my kids were young I had a job that took me away from home alot. There were times my heart ached to be able to do the homely things with them. Living in hotels can be very lonely.
SunshineCake · 28/10/2020 19:36

I think it is more sad if you were away for two nights you wouldn't check in to see them.

Princesspickle777 · 28/10/2020 19:40

Would you not have a nosey if the roles were reversed?. Not creepy at all that dad wants to take a peak to see if the kids have settled to bed ok.

SirVixofVixHall · 28/10/2020 19:41

I would really hate this and feel the same OP .,putting babies to bed whole being watched without my knowledge. It isn’t at all the same as him saying he would like to peep at the babies sleeping, while he is away.
I think this is really creepy and not at all “sweet” . It isn’t just glancing at your sleeping child ( obviously that is sweet) it is looking at en entire room where your wife might also be, without her knowing.

Bluntness100 · 28/10/2020 19:42

Op are you worried he was watching you or checking up on you? And now you’re wondering what he has been seeing ?

Personally I’d totally look at my kid if I could. I don’t know any parent who wouldn’t. I think you’re fairly on the minority in that you’d not bother.

Staffy1 · 28/10/2020 19:42

Wouldn't you do the same if you could? Seems strange to feel unsettled about it.

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 28/10/2020 19:45

I think it is more sad if you were away for two nights you wouldn't check in to see them.

I would check in to see them; .. On FaceTime! I wouldn’t disappear for 2 days.
Also that was hypothetical, I’ve been away one night in 4 years whilst in labour!

OP posts:
CloudyVanilla · 28/10/2020 19:47

It's hard to advise as I just can't relate at all, I so would not be bothered by the father of my children checking their monitor app, I'd think it was positive.

So in that context I would say that perhaps there are deeper issues you want to examine if this raises your hackles? Could be to do with you, could be to do with your relationship. Not in an accusatory way, people are entitled to their feelings.

ClassyRodent · 28/10/2020 19:48

If I were away I would have a wee peek in on them, check instagram, watch a bit of TV, go on mumsnet, have a look at the kids monitor, have a shower, have a look on rightmove, read the news, check the covid figures, play a few puzzle games, maybe peek on kids again, settle down to sleep.

I wouldn't be being creepy, I would just see it as another app that I use on my phone of an evening.

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 28/10/2020 19:48

A night away for you might be a carefree treat that you'd spend watching something or relaxing, but if you were away as often as he is, the freedom to watch whatever would probably lose its appeal and you'd feel lonely and wonder what you're missing at home.

Yes, it's a bit creepy to think that someone could be watching you when you're unaware, but objectively speaking, he's the man you love and presumably trust. He's keeping an eye on his children when he can't be there in person. It seems normal enough to me.

Mangofandangoo · 28/10/2020 19:51

Sorry I'm really struggling to see how this is weird - if you went away OP for two nights and decided to check on the monitor how would you feel if your husband called you weird?

Is it because he's the dad?

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 28/10/2020 19:52

Not because he’s the dad, because I didn’t know it was happening.

OP posts:
Storyoftonight · 28/10/2020 19:54

I don't know I'm kind of with you! I've got splinters .

Spiderbaby8 · 28/10/2020 19:55

I think I would feel a little weird about it, not that there is anything at all sinister about the OHs intention, but that someone could see me without my knowledge.

Frequentcarpetflyer · 28/10/2020 19:55

The technology is a bit creepy.

Frequentcarpetflyer · 28/10/2020 19:56

How secure is it?

Notverybright · 28/10/2020 19:58

Is it because you feel spied on op?

Or because you want your dh to only look at the kids with your permission.

The first isn’t unreasonable, the second is.

Notverybright · 28/10/2020 19:59

@Frequentcarpetflyer

The technology is a bit creepy.
That’s true I think there was a case in America where somebody hacked one and was looking at someone else’s kid.
Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 28/10/2020 20:00

Or because you want your dh to only look at the kids with your permission.

Not this at all. Now I know he does it I am happy for him to look when they are sleeping if he wants to see them. But, not in the day when I’m pottering around their rooms playing with them And I want to know it’s happening

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 28/10/2020 20:02

I'm with you op, I would think my dh was a bit obsessive if he did that

neonjumper · 28/10/2020 20:03

@OverTheRainbow88

It’s his children, his house, his monitors (that you knew about). What exactly is the point of them if not for him to see the kids, since you don’t even have the app?!

Our children, our house and our monitors.

He uses It when at home if kids napping and we are in the garden as the monitor doesn’t go that far.

Glad you picked up on that , they're not his possessions .

Yanbu ... I get where you're coming from . It's the not being aware that has unnerved you .

As the children get older I assume these devices will go as children are also entitled to their privacy .

winterchills · 28/10/2020 20:04

How odd! That's what it's for and it's actually sweet he's looking at them.

PutItInYourPocket · 28/10/2020 20:05

Don't understand why this is a problem at all.

Original poster
OverTheRainbow88 · 28/10/2020 20:08

As the children get older I assume these devices will go as children are also entitled to their privacy .

Yes agreed. The youngest is 20 months and I have the monitor on by me at night as he wakes a lot and I’m a deep sleeper and I don't want him to cry and wake his brother!!

OP posts:
Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 28/10/2020 20:10

Sounds sweet and caring to me.