To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

That sounds horrible, toasforthissooner, but it's a million miles away from someone describing feeling violated by a sensitively and caringly carried-out smear test.

Maybe try to find something you find physically comforting - a warm bath/shower, hug someone you're allowed to hug (per COVID), warm comforting food, a hot drink etc.

Or consider when/how you might next do something sexual - either alone or with a partner. So you can feel pleasant-to-you touch in that area as a more recent memory than the clinical experience.

You might consider buying a speculum and trying it as a sex toy - how would it feel for you if you were using one with a partner?

I hated all mine - all painful - am too old to be called for them now, but sympathies with all women having them.A couple of times I had the dreaded call back to go again as they hadn't got enough cells. I always went and later learned to have paracetamol beforehand - don't know that it helped, but I felt that I had 'armed' myself.

Because it is an invasive and violating experience. Many women have this experience.

I think we have to be careful with language, and understand there is a big element of individual referencing.

If the message we are sending out to young women is that the procedure is very likely to leave you feeling so violated you can't sleep, that is a worry. I hate them and find them incredibly painful, but I wouldn't want anyone to think that was a normal experience.

I would be very surprised if the vast majority of women feel so violated they can't sleep and still think about it days after.

It is a real worry if that is the case.

It's interesting how many posters keep implying that if you find a smear traumatic there must be something deeply wrong and abnormal with you, yet there are plenty of us saying we had a traumatic experience.

Nothing like women minimising other women...

I agree, if men had to put up with this, self-sampling would be widespread by now and not just one pilot trial in North London.

Just because some women have had children and been poked and prodded doesn't mean all women should feel comfortable at having things shoved inside them. We should be aiming for everyone to have a better medical experience not an equally shit one. Also... not all women have children. So all this talk of 'it only gets worse!' isn't relevant and/or helpful.

As for did I complain? No. I can't say it even occurred to me at the time. I was younger, less assertive, and caught up in my own pain. On some level, I knew that the nurse didn't want to make me feel violated, she just hadn't given me the due dignity and respect she should have done.

People saying to think of how common the procedure is for nurses aren't helping - it's because it's common that it's terrible. I think some of them find them so routine they forget that it can be a big deal for the patients being examined, and they need to be kinder, more gentle and reinforce that consent comes from the patient rather than bulldozing along.

The colposcopy was worse. The pain was intense and I didn't stop sobbing before, during or after.

Not one medical professional stopped to reassure me. And there were plenty in that room.

I'd like to think these days I would complain to ensure that the nurses and doctors involved were reminded to empathise more with their patients, but I didn't have it in me at the time. That's the trouble with shitty patient experiences - rarely does anyone have the strength to complain. Complaints tend to happen if a family member or close friend is aware of the struggle and advocates on your behalf.

This is the sort of experience you box up in your head and don't talk about until many years after the fact.

You might consider buying a speculum and trying it as a sex toy - how would it feel for you if you were using one with a partner?

What the fuck?

I had the exact same feeling with my first. I was actually a virgin so needn’t have had it done really, and she used the large speculum thing. I had tears streaming down my face because it just Didn’t. Fit. In. Begged her to use the smaller one but she said that was for shorter girls and I was very tall. After about five mins it really wasn’t going in, I was clamping up and crying in pain. She simply lubed it up more, rammed it in and did her stuff. I had blood in my knickers after. It really did feel like I’d been raped. That’s SO dramatic isn’t it? But I went home and cried and lay in bed all day.

The good news is that my second smear was world’s apart! Lovely nurse who made me feel so relaxed. No pain in any way shape or form. I promise they’re not all as bad as that one. Sorry you had a horrendous experience.

Violated? No. Way Ott. Unless you have related history, that's a massive over reaction to a standard medical procedure. In 2015, I had an massive non cancerous ovarian cyst which was pushing my uterus to one side. I had to have a smear prior to being operated on and I went to my local clinic who couldn't do it. Three different male Dr's tried but couldn't do it properly due to the misalignment. It hurt and I cried at one point. In the end they sent me to a walk in centre and the medical professionals there could do it either. It was painful (normal smears aren't), embarrassing and upsetting but not once did I feel anythingapproaching "violation".

@MrsBonnie

I had the exact same feeling with my first. I was actually a virgin so needn’t have had it done really, and she used the large speculum thing. I had tears streaming down my face because it just Didn’t. Fit. In. Begged her to use the smaller one but she said that was for shorter girls and I was very tall. After about five mins it really wasn’t going in, I was clamping up and crying in pain. She simply lubed it up more, rammed it in and did her stuff. I had blood in my knickers after. It really did feel like I’d been raped. That’s SO dramatic isn’t it? But I went home and cried and lay in bed all day.

The good news is that my second smear was world’s apart! Lovely nurse who made me feel so relaxed. No pain in any way shape or form. I promise they’re not all as bad as that one. Sorry you had a horrendous experience.

I don't think you're being dramatic at all.

Mine also went for the large speculum when it was the wrong size for my body. I'm so sorry you went through that as well.

Well done for managing to go back, you're so much braver than I am.

@rainkeepsfallingdown

It's interesting how many posters keep implying that if you find a smear traumatic there must be something deeply wrong and abnormal with you, yet there are plenty of us saying we had a traumatic experience.

Nothing like women minimising other women...

I agree, if men had to put up with this, self-sampling would be widespread by now and not just one pilot trial in North London.

Just because some women have had children and been poked and prodded doesn't mean all women should feel comfortable at having things shoved inside them. We should be aiming for everyone to have a better medical experience not an equally shit one. Also... not all women have children. So all this talk of 'it only gets worse!' isn't relevant and/or helpful.

As for did I complain? No. I can't say it even occurred to me at the time. I was younger, less assertive, and caught up in my own pain. On some level, I knew that the nurse didn't want to make me feel violated, she just hadn't given me the due dignity and respect she should have done.

People saying to think of how common the procedure is for nurses aren't helping - it's because it's common that it's terrible. I think some of them find them so routine they forget that it can be a big deal for the patients being examined, and they need to be kinder, more gentle and reinforce that consent comes from the patient rather than bulldozing along.

The colposcopy was worse. The pain was intense and I didn't stop sobbing before, during or after.

Not one medical professional stopped to reassure me. And there were plenty in that room.

I'd like to think these days I would complain to ensure that the nurses and doctors involved were reminded to empathise more with their patients, but I didn't have it in me at the time. That's the trouble with shitty patient experiences - rarely does anyone have the strength to complain. Complaints tend to happen if a family member or close friend is aware of the struggle and advocates on your behalf.

This is the sort of experience you box up in your head and don't talk about until many years after the fact.

"I agree, if men had to put up with this, self-sampling would be widespread by now and not just one pilot trial in North London."

I've never heard of there being a self sampling prostate exam?

I completely understand how you would feel violated. Having said that it is not very common to have such an awful reaction to it, especially when it is done gently. I think the poster who suggested counselling probably meant something like NLP, perhaps to change your associations around the examination in order to make it easier to deal with.

if you find a smear traumatic there must be something deeply wrong and abnormal with you

I don't think most have been quite so blunt and insensitive.

But just like women who are led to believe it is entirely normal to live with incredibly painful and heavy periods, or that sleep deprivation is just an accepted part of parenting, it is unhelpful to suggest this reaction is something they just need to live with.

It isn't minimising it to say that perhaps some kind of counselling, or therapy will help.

I've never heard of there being a self sampling prostate exam?

I've never heard of men being summoned for a prostate exam every 3 years as a matter of routine, whether or not there is any risk or symptoms of an illness.

My DF has had one, in a hospital appointment, after suffering bleeding from a prostate infection.

This is the very reason I've still never has a smear. At 33

mytime please book yourself in. It's really not that big a deal. Its uncomfortable and a bit embarrassing but there is honestly nothing to it. The nurses do them day in, day out, for our own good.

Where people have experienced medical malpractice they need to report that, but that is not the experience for the overwhelming majority.

MegaBloxRoxx thank you. The only time I ever had an examination down there was after a sexual attack. I was alone with a pissed
off doctor who had to cut her Sunday dinner short to see to me... a nurse and ladies from a womens group.. it was all very traumatic.

I had to hold on to a nurse I never met before and beg her to hug me . It was single handedly the most traumatic thing I've I've even been through.. including the attack.

I'm terrified I just wont open my legs...or let them near me.
And I dont want to be someone they roll their eyes at and think I'm being dramatic. As that happened to a friends wife. She explained her trauma and fears...but kept closing her legs and trying to get up. They were very annoyed with her. 🙁

I really should have name changed...

You might consider buying a speculum and trying it as a sex toy - how would it feel for you if you were using one with a partner?

I’d have to ask him. Probably quite painful.

I'm really sorry to hear that mytime. All I would say is don't let your attack and subsequent unsympathetic treatment put your health at risk. Perhaps you could talk to your GP and get some counselling?

OP I'm with you. I've never liked them but I'm in my mid 40s now and I've kind of got used to them. They're much more comfortable than they used to be now everything is done with plastic and a brush rather than some horrid metal thing but it does not make me like them any better.

I've just had one very recently and it was so much better than the last one. I was crying and about not to go but thanks to someone kindly answering a miserable post from me on here I decided to try and amazingly lovely nurse was in and out in around a minute - in fact she was so quick and gentle I barely noticed she'd started let alone finished. I actually said "have you started yet and she said - put your clothse on - I've finished" ]

It will get better. Its hardly something you want to get used to but equally its worth getting it done.

I'm sorry your test left you feeling like this but remind yourself its just a few minutes discomfort every few years which could save you a lot worse in the long run.

If its any comfort i have had 2 kids, regular STD checks over the years etc (one of which was conducted by a really creepy pervy dr) and have never had an issue this kind of thing. I have always just considered it another body part which needs checking every now and again.

The last smear I had was horrible. The nurse was really rough. She really hurt me which I didn't think was possible as its like a bowling alley down there. She rammed the speculum in- was getting me to move whilst it was in which was particularly uncomfortable, then scraped like hell on my cervix- to the point it was like she was chiselling stubborn Weetabix from a bowl!. I bled loads afterwards and felt really sick for a few hours which i have never experienced before, I also had really awful cramping. I felt quite violated once she was finished.
I don't think I am being particularly dramatic- I am used to people having a good old rummage down there and have had loads of things done over the years but this nurse was awful in how she handled me.

Don't let it put you off- just ask to see a different nurse next time. It's just unfortunate that this was your first experience.

Thank you MegaBloxRoxx. My gp is a bit shit I'm looking for a new one bit its difficult in the current climate.

Also a poster on a thread the other day told me you can order a HPV test to do at home. I am going to order one and try that first. X

Jesus TickleThePickle I'm so sorry that happened to you!

There is nothing unusual at all about how you are feeling as lots of women dread that letter through the post and having this done. The device the nurse has to use is called a speculum and you can ask for a smaller size. This can make the process easier for you particularly if you haven’t had children...

@pinkonions
This is simply untrue. Men undergo awful medical examinations as well