To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

[HettyWainty]

ZOMBIE THREAD

[Valeriekat]

There are so many procedures where we are supposed to be brave. Why don’t they offer sedation in this day and age.

[Attinion]

I agree with the idea that opting out due to monogamy is a risky strategy. Ive had a VERY small number of sexual partners and they have had even less than me. I’ve just tested positive. I believe this is the result of it being dormant in my system for about 10 years (that’s how long since previous partner and without going into too much around this, I know he’d be the cause not my current) so genuinely worth getting tested. I’d been clear my smear before. You just never know.

Regarding feeling violated, really reassured to find your post. I hate all internal exams of this nature. I cry every time, feel very uneasy before and afterwards. I can’t explain it. Not trauma to rationalise it for me. I don’t really like the dentist either to be honest for a similar reason. Something about it being internal leaves me feeling uncomfortable in all kinds of ways I guess.

[Chesneyhawkes1]

OP I'm very sorry you felt violated but it sounds as though the nurse did everything she could to make it an "ok" experience.

I really wouldn't want anyone to read this and not go for their smear. My first one was awful. I didn't feel violated but it was painful and not great.

Subsequently I didn't go for another until I was 41. After this I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. If I thought the smear test wasn't great the internal radiotherapy (brachytherapy) I had to have after the chemo and radiotherapy, made it seem like a breeze.

Please still go for your smear tests. I learnt the hard way. Even now months later my bowels are not the same. I went into menopause at 41 due to the treatment too.

I'm glad I was treated and thankful the NHS cured me. But I am not and never will be the same as I was.

[MegaBloxRoxx]

Thats unfair as frenchsticks has offered helpful sensible advice.

What's the point in whipping others up into a frenzy about a perfectly normal, albeit slightly unpleasant and embarrassing, medical test. It's really not helpful and we need to be encouraging women to go to these appointments, not building it up into some awful thing which they are really not at all (please note: i am not including people with sexual abuse trauma or medical malpractice here).

[randomer]

@Frenchsticks, are you some sort of particularly unpleasant medic?

[randomer]

Its vile. I hink it depends on the person ,they can treat you like a human, cover you up, maintain yourd dignity and so on. Some people who are empathic can get the damn thing over and done with fairly " easily". I had one where the room was warm , she was pleasant, chatted just the right amount and it was tolerable.

I have had some awful experiences and now will not be repeating it. ( I am in my 60's btw)

[Shedbuilder]

@TickleThePickle, did you read the OP?

She says the doctor was lovely and sensitive and gentle and the actual examination didn't hurt. Nothing compared to the horrible experiences you and others have been through. Yet she still classifies it as violation. That's why some of us are suggesting that she needs to reframe the way she thinks about the experience and by doing that may come to understand that she's been through a standard medical procedure that was, from her own account, beautifully handled.

[rainkeepsfallingdown]

@Teddybear27

There is nothing unusual at all about how you are feeling as lots of women dread that letter through the post and having this done. The device the nurse has to use is called a speculum and you can ask for a smaller size. This can make the process easier for you particularly if you haven’t had children...

If it's your first smear test (and especially if you're quite young), you won't know that there are different sizes.

If it's your first smear test and you haven't had children and you're quite petite, I don't see why nurses assume the largest size is best. The responsibility for knowing which size should be most appropriate should fall to the medical professional.

[TurkMama]

You can tell the male posters on here 😂
'Calm down'. Just perfect.

[PanamaPattie]

So much empathy.

[StCharlotte]

@Frenchsticks

You weren't violated. You consented to a medical procedure and the medical professionals treated with completely appropriately and with respect. All of this is the exact opposite of violating you. So if you feel violated, that is a psychological issue, not a physical one. I doubt there are many women who can say they enjoy getting a smear and for many they are actually quite painful so I fully understand hating getting it done. But you were not violated and you do need to readjust your thinking to understand your feelings because if you convince yourself that you have been a victim of something then you're traumatising yourself further completely unnecessarily and the more you focus on that train of thought, the more you'll convince yourself that something along those line did happen and the less likely you'll be to go again. You say it's important to you to go again in future; you understand why they're important and you want the peace of mind that comes with having them done (which is why we all put ourselves through it). And the previous posts on here trying to suggest you simply don't need to go again are not particularly helpful given you've already acknowledged that you want to be able to go again and not give into these feelings.
So calm down, think about what actually happened and point out to yourself exactly what you felt at what point and what you think contributed to that. Did it bring back memories of past abuse? Was it 'just' the feeling that felt so wrong? Did you have preconceptions before you went in? Was it the clinical environment? The fact that the nurse was wearing so much ppe which can make it feel very odd? Only you can know but do try to make some sense of your feelings and if you can't manage it on your own then yes, speaking to your GP for help with that is certainly a better alternative than spending the rest of your life potentially feeling like you were violated (which means abused).
I'm not trying to minimise your feelings; I completely understand that people do feel very traumatised after a smear for various reasons; but you actually had, for all intents and purposes a positive experience physically so you need to address the psychological reasons as to why you now feel the way you do to not let those feelings overwhelm you.
Good luck OP.

Hear hear.

[Mytimetokillandmaim]

you can ask for a smaller size. This can make the process easier for you particularly if you haven’t had children.

Thank you for the extra info Teddy .
I'm trying to force myself to get used to the idea and make an appointment...eventually.

[Binswangers]

@pinkonions
This is simply untrue. Men undergo awful medical examinations as well

[Teddybear27]

There is nothing unusual at all about how you are feeling as lots of women dread that letter through the post and having this done. The device the nurse has to use is called a speculum and you can ask for a smaller size. This can make the process easier for you particularly if you haven’t had children...

[Mytimetokillandmaim]

Jesus TickleThePickle I'm so sorry that happened to you!

[Mytimetokillandmaim]

Thank you MegaBloxRoxx. My gp is a bit shit I'm looking for a new one bit its difficult in the current climate.
Also a poster on a thread the other day told me you can order a HPV test to do at home. I am going to order one and try that first. X

[TickleThePickle]

If its any comfort i have had 2 kids, regular STD checks over the years etc (one of which was conducted by a really creepy pervy dr) and have never had an issue this kind of thing. I have always just considered it another body part which needs checking every now and again.

The last smear I had was horrible. The nurse was really rough. She really hurt me which I didn't think was possible as its like a bowling alley down there. She rammed the speculum in- was getting me to move whilst it was in which was particularly uncomfortable, then scraped like hell on my cervix- to the point it was like she was chiselling stubborn Weetabix from a bowl!. I bled loads afterwards and felt really sick for a few hours which i have never experienced before, I also had really awful cramping. I felt quite violated once she was finished.
I don't think I am being particularly dramatic- I am used to people having a good old rummage down there and have had loads of things done over the years but this nurse was awful in how she handled me.

Don't let it put you off- just ask to see a different nurse next time. It's just unfortunate that this was your first experience.

[listsandbudgets]

OP I'm with you. I've never liked them but I'm in my mid 40s now and I've kind of got used to them. They're much more comfortable than they used to be now everything is done with plastic and a brush rather than some horrid metal thing but it does not make me like them any better.

I've just had one very recently and it was so much better than the last one. I was crying and about not to go but thanks to someone kindly answering a miserable post from me on here I decided to try and amazingly lovely nurse was in and out in around a minute - in fact she was so quick and gentle I barely noticed she'd started let alone finished. I actually said "have you started yet and she said - put your clothse on - I've finished" ]

It will get better. Its hardly something you want to get used to but equally its worth getting it done.

I'm sorry your test left you feeling like this but remind yourself its just a few minutes discomfort every few years which could save you a lot worse in the long run.

[MegaBloxRoxx]

I'm really sorry to hear that mytime. All I would say is don't let your attack and subsequent unsympathetic treatment put your health at risk. Perhaps you could talk to your GP and get some counselling?

[flaviaritt]

You might consider buying a speculum and trying it as a sex toy - how would it feel for you if you were using one with a partner?

I’d have to ask him. Probably quite painful.

[Mytimetokillandmaim]

I really should have name changed...

[Mytimetokillandmaim]

MegaBloxRoxx thank you. The only time I ever had an examination down there was after a sexual attack. I was alone with a pissed
off doctor who had to cut her Sunday dinner short to see to me... a nurse and ladies from a womens group.. it was all very traumatic.
I had to hold on to a nurse I never met before and beg her to hug me . It was single handedly the most traumatic thing I've I've even been through.. including the attack.

I'm terrified I just wont open my legs...or let them near me.
And I dont want to be someone they roll their eyes at and think I'm being dramatic. As that happened to a friends wife. She explained her trauma and fears...but kept closing her legs and trying to get up. They were very annoyed with her. 🙁

[MegaBloxRoxx]

mytime please book yourself in. It's really not that big a deal. Its uncomfortable and a bit embarrassing but there is honestly nothing to it. The nurses do them day in, day out, for our own good.

Where people have experienced medical malpractice they need to report that, but that is not the experience for the overwhelming majority.

[Mytimetokillandmaim]

This is the very reason I've still never has a smear. At 33