To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

[Frenchsticks]

@BefuddledPerson
It's not about minimising someone's feelings at all. It's about trying to help. How is it helpful to say, for this OP or any other young woman trying to research what their first smear is going to be like who happens upon this thread to say, yes it's awful, you do come away feeling violated. It's also not about saying there is something psychologically wrong with you because you feel this way but it is about acknowledging that you don't need to feel this way. Why is it so wrong to offer basic advice of proven techniques to help the OP process an unpleasant experience? She wasn't violated, she feels she was, but she wasn't. So we can offer advice as to how she can process those feelings so that she understands them better and hopefully doesn't let them overwhelm her by reassuring her that she is safe and she wasn't violated. Or we can just say 'yup, having a smear will always feel like that, nothing you can do about it, good luck for the next 40+ years getting them done.'
The OP asked for help. That's what I offered

[Lowkee]

It's just a medical procedure. An invasive one for sure, but just say to yourself, I had a smear done. Don't go over the insertion of the thingymebob in your head. It's a necessary procedure so just don't dwell on the part you felt uncomfortable about.
I've had one nurse (my GP nurse) exclaim - 'Oh you're very small down there' when it was hurting me putting it in (didn't have enough lubricant on the thing I suspect). Now that was fucking weird! But it's just something that I let go over my head. I've too much shit in my life for it to even be on my radar as something upsetting. I guess it's all relative.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

[quote Frenchsticks]@BefuddledPerson
It's not about minimising someone's feelings at all. It's about trying to help. How is it helpful to say, for this OP or any other young woman trying to research what their first smear is going to be like who happens upon this thread to say, yes it's awful, you do come away feeling violated. It's also not about saying there is something psychologically wrong with you because you feel this way but it is about acknowledging that you don't need to feel this way. Why is it so wrong to offer basic advice of proven techniques to help the OP process an unpleasant experience? She wasn't violated, she feels she was, but she wasn't. So we can offer advice as to how she can process those feelings so that she understands them better and hopefully doesn't let them overwhelm her by reassuring her that she is safe and she wasn't violated. Or we can just say 'yup, having a smear will always feel like that, nothing you can do about it, good luck for the next 40+ years getting them done.'
The OP asked for help. That's what I offered[/quote]
I agree. The OP is asking how not to feel violated. It’s difficult to advise, the majority of women must hate it to some degree.

At the end of the day the OP - we all - have a choice, it’s not obligatory but advisory.

The only thing that helped me was when the worry of not having it and possibly losing my life was worse than the worry of going through the 2 minutes of embarrassment. And it was easier emotionally after having children and all that entails.

I hope someone can say something on here that resonates with the op so she gets through her fear and carries on turning up for them.

[Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow]

I have had three kids, tears, stitching, sweeps and I’m overdue my smear because I hate it and feel like you.

It’s horrible.

I tell myself they do it all day every day and my cervix is no more special or different. I book tea and cake after. And I am so glad it’s over after!!

[Hyperfish101]

I find them painful. Tea and cake after is a nice idea for my next one.

[MsTSwift]

I am terribly squeamish and only got through my emergency c section using visualation. Sounds woo but really worked for me.

As procedure happens pick a good day like a day on holiday and go through it in minute detail - what you had for breakfast wore did etc. Really helped me anyway now I do for smears and blood tests. Medical staff probably think I’m abit odd but better than fainting or feeling traumatised !

[windturbines]

I'm yet to have a smear (was pregnant when my first letter came in, then fell pregnant with my second before I had a chance to re-book), but I have been examined with a speculum and multiple times during both pregnancies/births. I had previous trauma and the first time I was examined it brought all those feelings back. However, I was 4cm dilated so I couldn't say much on the matter.

I can definitely see how it made you feel violated, it's certainly not a nice feeling. But in my experience, it does go away because eventually you can reason with yourself (why you went, why it was important you went, why you consented, etc).

I would be wary of framing it as feeling violated, though. Simply because I think it can make it feel worse than it was, and also if you were to discuss how it made you feel with someone else, upon hearing the word 'violated', that can make people jump to conclusions. You've said yourself she was incredibly professional, but it is important to keep remembering that aspect.

Give yourself a few days to process it. Hopefully you will be okay with it and then try to forget about it until the next time. Cervical health is very important so try to keep in the front of your mind that you did do the right thing.

[Aridane]

@BefuddledPerson

I am constantly amazed that some people can not seem to understand how complex and varied humans are.

The OP clearly says she feels violated, not that she thinks she was violated.

This is not an unheard of feeling, health professionals understand this.

It is this person's first smear, just a bit of encouragement that we do get better at these things rather than jumping to 'you are psychologically abnormal' might be helpful!

Agree

[BefuddledPerson]

[quote Frenchsticks]@BefuddledPerson
It's not about minimising someone's feelings at all. It's about trying to help. How is it helpful to say, for this OP or any other young woman trying to research what their first smear is going to be like who happens upon this thread to say, yes it's awful, you do come away feeling violated. It's also not about saying there is something psychologically wrong with you because you feel this way but it is about acknowledging that you don't need to feel this way. Why is it so wrong to offer basic advice of proven techniques to help the OP process an unpleasant experience? She wasn't violated, she feels she was, but she wasn't. So we can offer advice as to how she can process those feelings so that she understands them better and hopefully doesn't let them overwhelm her by reassuring her that she is safe and she wasn't violated. Or we can just say 'yup, having a smear will always feel like that, nothing you can do about it, good luck for the next 40+ years getting them done.'
The OP asked for help. That's what I offered[/quote]
I don't think this sort of comment is helpful: But you were not violated and you do need to readjust your thinking to understand your feelings because if you convince yourself that you have been a victim of something then you're traumatising yourself further completely unnecessarily and the more you focus on that train of thought, the more you'll convince yourself that something along those line did happen and the less likely you'll be to go again

The OP already stated she knows she wasn't violated, what she asked for was help dealing with the feelings.

I assume that there are many people who have never felt violated, or can not understand why some women feel violated. But many others do.

That was my point, people are varied and complex.

Imo like most things in life, the first experience will be the toughest as it is an unknown - so the next one will hopefully be easier.

[Fightthebear]

That’s a good idea MsTSwift.

I had an MRI on my neck a couple of years ago which, for me, was much worse than having a smear. Hot, claustrophobic and breathless. I felt trapped - although in fact I wasn’t as I could press an alarm to get out if I needed to.

Having some psychological methods in your toolbox to tackle the stress of unpleasant medical procedures is really useful. I ended up focusing on my breathing to calm myself during my MRI but would prepare some better techniques if I ever needed to have one again.

[Oncemorewithfeelin]

I’ve never had a bad experience with a smear test or left feeling violated ( luckily) so I’m not sure how useful my advice will be.

The physical side of it seems to have been positive. The dr was sensitive and it wasn’t painful.
Mentally you need to try and remember it’s not something that was forced upon you. You had a choice and consented. Try to think of it as any other medical procedure.

What exactly about your experience is keeping you awake. If you can pin point that then it may help you feel better about the situation.

Do you feel like this after consensual sex?

[BefuddledPerson]

Do you feel like this after consensual sex?

If you think consensual sex is remotely comparable to a smear test I really think you're doing one (maybe both) of them wrongly

[JamminDoughnuts]

There may well be leaflets and videos, forewarned is forearmed.
if you learn as much as you can about the procedure.
learn some relaxation techniques.
it will be better the next time.

[MegaBloxRoxx]

It's just quick medical procedure. Unless someone has a history of abuse (in which case the situation is clearly more complicated) I would say its best to try and stay rational about it. Its really not pleasant but its a test once every 3 years to keep you safe.

My last one was more sore than the 5 or so that have gone before but I presume thats due to the amount of scar tissue from having my second child.

Just remind yourself of the facts (medical procedure with consent) and move on. There is no point upsetting yourself over this.

[MegaBloxRoxx]

Agree with frenchsticks lowkee and mary

[SpeedofaSloth]

I now do a HPV postal test.

I didn't know these existed, do you have to pay privately? (I am overdue and am struggling to bring myself to make the appointment TBH).

[FangsForTheMemory]

I had a smear test 20 years ago where the nurse was so rough I started crying. She was dismissive even then. As I left the surgery, there was a step down and I actually wet myself.

I’ve never had a smear since.

[Fightthebear]

That’s awful Fangs

[MegaBloxRoxx]

That sounds terrible Fangs but please don't let one careless/nasty (whichever applies) nurse impact on your health like this. Having a regular smear test is so important.

[popcornlover]

All the posters complaining about the nurses - did you make an official complaint? Medical staff get away with this behaviour because they think they are untouchable. The more they get away with treating people like that, the more arrogant they get. Not answering them back or complaining to the place they work means nothing will ever change.

[Redcrayons]

I usually avoid threads about smear tests as it’s packed with ‘oh it’s fine for me, it only takes a second just get on with it’ types.
I hate them, it’s painful and I find it humiliating. But I have to have it done so I grin and bear it.

OP you feel how you feel. Try to focus on the positive, it’s an important screening test and you’ve done it.

[Rotundandhappy]

I’m not sure we should be encouraging women to ‘opt out’ of these screening tests...

[Giningit]

Just remember the reason why you chose to have the smear done in the first place. It could save your life. I’ve had smears done for well over 15 years and don’t even think twice about it. They’re over so quickly!
Can’t say I’ve ever felt violated, however we’re all different. They used to use metal speculums, which weren’t great, however the plastic ones are are fine(and warmer).

[Learningtofeminist]

First: like almost everyone else is saying, it’s completely normal to feel like this. Every single woman I have talked to about it hates this sort of procedure and it makes me pretty cross that we’re just expected to put up with it. Anybody who thinks it’s not normal can just look at the comments on here 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I experienced medical abuse as a child. I don’t do smears (I’m very low risk for HPV) but I have had several rounds of IVF which involved more internal ultrasounds than I can count. After the first one I felt awful all day, but it’s got much better. Here’s what helped me:

• I put the ultrasound wand in and take it out myself. The nurse has to move it around quite a bit in between. Maybe you can ask if you can insert the speculum?
  
• I practice breathing techniques. Breathe in on a count of 4, hold for 2, out on a count of 8.
  
• I always find out in advance who’s doing the scan and there’s a note about my history.
  

Talk to your surgery though because there are other tests available now. Smears test for things other than HPV, but HPV is by far the biggest risk.

[HeyBlaby]

It is in no way a strange reaction, I have however gone from being practically tearful and full of dread prior to a smear when I was younger, to seeing it as a mild inconvenience at 31 and after having DS.