To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

We don't get to consent to smear tests. We are told we have to have them done. We don't have a choice in it tbh.
You CAN refuse them. You do have to give consent. It's your choice. Anyone can refuse.

I have never felt violated after smear and I had them since 16. That doesn't mean I am saying OP shouldn't. It's your feelings, they are all valid, however, maybe not 100% rational? So I would look into why you are feeling violated after procedure you agreed to. There may bre something deep down.

[TreestumpsAndTrampolines]

Pre-kids I found smear tests painful, but the nurses doing them were always so comforting, and practical, that I felt OK having them.

With my first child though, I went to the mid-wife close to term, and got one that I didn't really have a rapport with, and she announced I should have an internal to check my cervix. I thought it would be fine, but actually, even though it didn't hurt much, I had to go to the toilets for a cry afterwards, I don't even know why, I just felt so violated by it (I wasn't particularly emotional in pregnancy - it was definitely the internal). I didn't feel that way about the ones I had when I was actually in labour for some reason.

TLDR: Sometimes, something, that you can't even put your finger on can make something traumatic, even when you've done similar before and weren't expecting it to be a problem.

[PicsInRed]

@pinkonions

I really strongly believe that if men had to undergo something like this, an alternative, less invasive method would have been found decades ago.

Thankfully, a home urine test is coming. Another article quoted delivery in 3 years (from 2019).

And you're absoutely right. The ONLY reason they've done this is that 25% of women now refuse smears, they were perfectly happy with some women experiencing pain and re-trauma before and for women to be hurt by smear takers doing a bad job, and by "discomfort"
and "embarrassment". They were happy to bully and berate instead of doing what it turns out was entirely possible all along ... an HPV urine test. Still the narrative of the silly whiny women remains. Oh well. We got there in the end.

news.sky.com/story/home-urine-testing-kit-could-make-cervical-cancer-smear-test-obsolete-11854461

[WomenAndVulvas]

Smear tests are unpleasant, but this level of anxiety around them is exaggerated and it's not helpful to say "that's perfectly normal, you have to live with those feelings, you can't help the way you feel".
Yes, you can help the way you feel and you don't need to live with this level of anxiety. You can get help to relieve the stress and anxiety you feel about a medical procedure, there is no need to suffer. You will never enjoy smear tests, no one does, but you will be able to have them without feeling this way. Speak to a professional OP and get some help.

[Fightthebear]

Of course you don’t have to have a smear test, there’s no obligation.

All screening programmes are a choice.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

'My understanding is that a prostate examination - which also involves an internal examination - is no fun at all but the method has stayed the same for at least a hundred years.'

'No, they've got a simple blood test for that now.'

Rectal examinations are still routinely carried out.

Nobody likes being intimately examined by strangers but you've got to remember the alternative, advanced disease, is much much worse.

[tomandmigg]

My top tip is to replay the memory, let it be full colour, from your point of view and as detailed as possible. Then imagine the colour fades to black and white, and the perspective goes from first person to third, so watching outside of yourself. Then change from 3D to 2D and then imagine the memory getting smaller.

You need a nice quiet space to do this, and if you do it once a day for a week or so, you should find the memory stings a lot less.

Good luck.

[pinkonions]

We don't get to consent to smear tests. We are told we have to have them done. We don't have a choice in it tbh

It's interesting to compare these NHS pages. PSA page gives the pros and cons and makes it clear there is a choice, which the cervical screening page doesn't.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/prostate-cancer/should-i-have-psa-test/

www.nhs.uk/conditions/cervical-screening/

[FlamingoQueen]

I find smears extremely painful nowadays (post menopause- brought on by cancer treatment). However, on my last one the nurse tried a small speculum which helped enormously and she’s put a note on my records. Because I was so distressed, she felt awful so I ended up giving her a hug and saying I was okay (pre COVID)!
My ds recently had her first ever smear (aged over 40) and found out she had stage 1 cancer so it is really important they are done.
My suggestion would be to ask for a nurse that is used to doing the tests and to practise some breathing techniques. I think the right nurse would make you feel less violated. It is a horrible exam, but done right, it’s just a medical procedure.

[Christmasfairy2020]

I take my kids to mine as I'm.one for encouraging things etc. No issue

[PicsInRed]

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'My understanding is that a prostate examination - which also involves an internal examination - is no fun at all but the method has stayed the same for at least a hundred years.'

'No, they've got a simple blood test for that now.'

Rectal examinations are still routinely carried out.

Nobody likes being intimately examined by strangers but you've got to remember the alternative, advanced disease, is much much worse.

But not routinely for screening. Smears are carried out on asymptomatic women to screen at a population level, rather than on a symptomatic women to ensure her health. Screening should be a noninvasive as possible to minimise the harm vs the benefit to the patient in front of you. That clearly is not the case with smear screening vs a urine test.

[Lolalovesmarmite]

I’m very sorry for all those out there who have had bad experiences. I’ve never had a bad smear but I didn’t feel able to book one for a long time as a result of PTSD after rape.
I spoke to the very kind practice nurse about it during an appointment for something else and she was incredible. She spoke to the doctor and they wrote me up for some diazepam, which I took beforehand, and then she did the smear herself and was as kind and gentle as possible. She talked me through the whole thing and checked I was ok to continue every step of the way. I was still in floods of tears and shaking like a leaf but it was actually a really positive experience because of her kindness and because I felt in control. That experience made me able to deal with examinations during labour and also subsequent smears.
These sorts of threads worry me because if they put off one person who may otherwise have booked their smear, then it could ultimately cost that one person their life.
Please, if you are frightened, consider phoning your GP practice and asking if you can speak to the nurse about it. If they’re kind and happy to take the time to allay your fears over the phone, then they’re probably going to be the same when it comes to the test. Alternatively, I’ve also had mine before in a local GUM clinic because I didn’t feel comfortable with the GP practice I was with at the time. You do have options.

[BernardBlackMissesLangCleg]

I hate them and find them very painful. having my coil changed over or removed when TTC likewise

I second MsTSwift above regarding visualisation. It really helps me. I usually spend my smear tests on the beach in Antigua

it also works at the dentist when the feeling of irrational panic starts to rise from the pit of my stomach.

[everythingthelighttouches]

I thought this was really good advice

The op is presumably clear in her own mind about the benefits of screening. Reminding herself that she had agency and choice over the procedure may help her get a sense of empowerment back and address that feeling of violation.

[flaviaritt]

I’m assuming you don’t have children. If/when you do, your vagina and associated parts will purely be viewed for medical purposes only and as one midwife very firmly told me “you’ve left your dignity at the door”.

What the fuck?

[Autumnblooms]

Your feelings are not invalid but it’s not normal to feel violated by a smear test, I assume you went for it knowing what was going to happen and agreed to it, so violated is a strong term for that as it’s a medical procedure done by professionals. Maybe you need professional help?

I’ve always been ok with smear tests but my last one was horrible and painful and I actually felt uncomfortable for the first time, but I felt that was due to my age. I’m doing having kids now so feel I’m passed the leave your dignity at the door stage, so I hated it as felt I’m too old for this now. I will obviously always go though but find it’s more uncomfortable as you get older

[Christmasfairy2020]

Lol for dignity are the door lol so true

[pinkonions]

[quote pinkonions]We don't get to consent to smear tests. We are told we have to have them done. We don't have a choice in it tbh

It's interesting to compare these NHS pages. PSA page gives the pros and cons and makes it clear there is a choice, which the cervical screening page doesn't.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/prostate-cancer/should-i-have-psa-test/

www.nhs.uk/conditions/cervical-screening/[/quote]
Sorry I'm wrong, there are more pages which do explain it is a choice, ignore me!
www.nhs.uk/conditions/cervical-screening/why-its-important/

[BumbleFlump]

This SchrodingersImmigrant - So I would look into why you are feeling violated after procedure you agreed to. There may bre something deep down.

[flaviaritt]

We don't get to consent to smear tests. We are told we have to have them done. We don't have a choice in it tbh.

And again, what the fuck?

Letter comes through door. Ignore letter. Choice made.

[Likeafriendivealwaysknown]

I don’t think this is a normal reaction but it’s certainly a valid reaction. I have a type of stenosis which means smears are incredibly painful for me and have to be done in hospital. I have worked on deep breathing and I now take a Valium before I go to help me relax. It could be worth talking this out with a counsellor or even with the nurse who was kind to you before your next one along with seeing if they would consider giving you something like Valium to help you relax beforehand as it has been so traumatic for you and it would be good to try deal with it now instead of dreading your next one.

I know it sounds silly but I also find that counting helps - ie count backwards from 100, count how many tiles are on the roof, count all the colours you can think of, how many people you’ve kissed etc Anything to make your mind go elsewhere.

[CloudyVanilla]

I just wanted to post in solidarity OP

I turned 27 last week and I have to admit I haven't had one yet as I'm too scared :( I've had 3 pregnancies and have had internal examinations in each labour; I absolutely hate them and I can't bring myself to voluntarily go and do this.

I believe I'm low risk but I still worry. I just don't want people's hands in my vagina. Them being medical professionals, it being a routine procedure etc has nothing to do with it because they are my feelings.