To feel violated by a smear test?

[Jericoo]

I had a smear test for the first time today. Although I understand the importance and had thoroughly researched the procedure, I cannot sleep at the moment as I feel so violated.

The doctor was wonderful, answered all of my questions and she took things slowly as she knew I was nervous. Does the feeling of being violated go away? It wasn't painful or even that embarrassing in the end, but the feeling of having something shoved in your hoo-ha by someone you've just met is not pleasant.

I am worried this will become a complex and I will avoid having it done again in 3 years as the way I feel now is so horrid, I am in tears. I know someone who had to have a hysterectomy at 30 because of cervical cancer, so it's very important to me to not develop a fear of this.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the feeling of violation?

@ravenmum - do you pay for your care? A smear every six months and all the other associated procedures sounds like an excellent business model to me.

I had to have a couple of prostate biopsies, needle inserted through the rectum, several 'samples' taken each visit, female student doctor brought in to examine the procedure, blood in my urine and semen etc. for weeks after. Thank god for the Patriarchy, as I can't imagine what the more invasive method would have been like

That must have been awful @yossell, but you are missing the point. You had the biopsies because a problem was suspected. So, not in anyway comparable to the issue we are discussing here.

@PanamaPattie Everyone in Germany has to have health insurance, so you don't pay for the individual treatment - but the health insurance is relatively expensive. On the plus side, that means the system is quite well funded - so I go to a gynaecologist, rather than to my GP, for instance, which I would presume might also mean that they are better at doing the examination. The smear test does hurt a bit but I can't remember ever having bleeding.

Completely agree with @MaryShelley1818 and @Frenchsticks

@Jericoo I'm sorry it was a crappy experience for you. As others have said, coping techniques will help you here. A smear takes what, 2ish minutes? So maybe next time, focus on your breathing and close your eyes and count to 100 in your head. It will be over before you reach that. Promise ❤️

FWIW I've also had a crappy experience at hospital on referral. And without fail I always bleed a little after my smear. It doesn't hurt but it is annoying. It was only after a chance discussion when I had my baby that I mentioned on my last smear that I have a backwards tilting womb. Made the procedure a lot better and no bleeding! I know that doesn't help with you feeling violated but a lot of things in life are mind over matter. This is one of them. You are part way there already as you're logical enough to know that this needs doing. You can do it x

I put off a smear recently because of a bad experience. It wasn't good again and I bled. I didn't feel violated but I have in the past resulting in passing out when I had my check up after my first child.

I think there is a move towards less pain relief for women in gynae procedures. I had a minor procedure two years back and when I winced in pain I was told it shouldn't hurt after I had taken paracetamol myself. Well, news for you, it really did. I have had two children with gas and air pain relief only so I do know if it hurts or not.

It is all relative to how women feel. You are praised for example if you do not make any fuss. My dd is due her first child and at her latest appointment she looked in the comments book. A number of women had commented they were not believed about their pain and had to do without pain relief. This is in a birthing unit that was in the national press where midwives were sacked after baby deaths following a natural birth only philosophy.

I have gone off topic here a bit op, but you are not wrong to feel as you do.

Hi OP. I completely understand where you're coming from.

To answer your question about tips to overcome the feeling of violation... I do exactly the same as you, remind myself why I'm having it done, that it is my choice to have it done, that I can stop the procedure at any point etc. Essentially, that it's something that I'm choosing to have done, not that is being done to me.

I did have an abnormal result some 20 years ago, and had a colposcopy and more regular screenings for a few years as a result. A friend came with me for the colposcopy, which was helpful as gynaecologist was male. I asked for a female, and would have postponed the appointment if they wasn't one available, but fortunately there was.

Breathing, counting techniques help me not panic. Music or something like Headspace through earphones might be worth thinking about.

It's completely normal to feel violated - I think the shock of feeling violated over something that is a 'standard medical procedure' is part of the distress if you know what I mean.

Some posters saying they’ve never known anyone to cry after a smear...what rubbish. Many women are very upset before and after smears but don’t share it with others, particularly unsympathetic dismissive types. I will never go to one again after my last awful experience being prodded for ages only to be told that I had unusual discharge (I didn’t) and no cervix (I do actually). And I’ve been prodded a lot after having kids and almost IVF etc.

@BefuddledPerson
I was abused by my Grandfather for years as a child. My tips to the OP to remind herself that she is safe and has not been violated and to go through each step of the process to understand why she was feeling how was was is based on advice given to me by my mental health nurse when I went to my first smear which I had to have early aged 17 due to a family history of cervical cancer. I was terrified to go but I was able to prepare for it and actually found that it didn't negatively effect me thankfully and I do now regularly have smears which of course are not fun but they don't bother me at all now. I don't really think I need to justify why I offer advice on a post I can relate to and feel I can offer some advice on but apparently I do.

I am in my 60's and have two grown up children but I feel like this if I have any gynaecological appointments. I've had two recently after quite a gap and although the doctors were very kind I still feel intruded on and unhappy at the thought of what I had t have done. I believe i'm affected this way because I don't feel in control. Twice when I was younger i paid to go privately and it didn't bother me so much, perhaps because holding the purse strings was symbolic control but also, sadly, they seemed to be a whole load gentler with me, that time i hardly felt the smear test being done. When this happens I go home and want to curl up and have a little cry. These feelings don't last for log but they are certainly there.

@ElsieMc

I put off a smear recently because of a bad experience. It wasn't good again and I bled. I didn't feel violated but I have in the past resulting in passing out when I had my check up after my first child.

I think there is a move towards less pain relief for women in gynae procedures. I had a minor procedure two years back and when I winced in pain I was told it shouldn't hurt after I had taken paracetamol myself. Well, news for you, it really did. I have had two children with gas and air pain relief only so I do know if it hurts or not.

It is all relative to how women feel. You are praised for example if you do not make any fuss. My dd is due her first child and at her latest appointment she looked in the comments book. A number of women had commented they were not believed about their pain and had to do without pain relief. This is in a birthing unit that was in the national press where midwives were sacked after baby deaths following a natural birth only philosophy.

I have gone off topic here a bit op, but you are not wrong to feel as you do.

Oh god I hate this 'oh it shouldn't hurt'.

A dentist said that to me once - that the amount of anaesthetic that she'd injected into my gums 'should been enough'.

Changed dentist after that. Wasn't after pain relief for the shit and giggles.

Don't have them then. It is your choice and no one is forcing you to.

And I wouldn't normally advise anyone not to have them, personally they don't bother me. But if you feel the way you do surely you can make an informed decision.

I know exactly what you mean, I feel similarly but try and put myself in a different place mentally when I know I have to have one. The bright light and position you are told to take really don't help. Having a good doctor /nurse do the smear if vital and it does only take a few minutes so I go for my own health.

Op your feelings are completely valid and you’re not alone

I just wish there was more awareness that internal procedures like smears or having vaginal exams during labour can be very traumatic or triggering to women, and feel violating.

I also hate the phrase about ‘leaving your dignity at the door’ when it comes to childbirth. Sure, certain elements of the process can be undignified but that doesn’t mean women shouldn’t be treated with upmost respect and kindness and be given care that protects that their privacy and dignity as much as possible.

Maybe some counselling to understand the roots of your feelings? It's not normal to feel violated. It's Norman to hate them and loathe having them done. They're not pleasant, but most women do not associate it with violation.

You need to get to grips with these feelings because having a baby is a 100 times worse for vaginal examinations.

They are not very pleasant but it's just a medical test. I would suggest not considering motherhood any time soon as that's a whole lot more invasive! Violated is a complete overreaction, I suggest speaking to your practice nurse sooner rather than later rather than letter the thoughts fester

I hope you're feeling better OP. I had 3 smears last year, first 2 they couldn't read. The nurses were lovely and just got on with my day. However I got referred to a gynaecologist for a different issue who I saw this year, he had to perform an internal and whilst he was, what I would describe as, very kind I certainly felt a bit odd for a week or so afterwards. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Maybe it's because it was a male gynaecologist, maybe because I wasn't expecting an internal there and then. Anyway as time went on I have sort of forgotten about it. There is no right or wrong way to feel. For example I would rather visit the dentist than the hairdresser which others would find odd, everyone is different

A smear takes what, 2ish minutes? So maybe next time, focus on your breathing and close your eyes and count to 100 in your head. It will be over before you reach that. Promise ❤️

I really worry about this sort of advice. I went skipping in for my first smear test (many years ago) expecting it to be quick and no more painful or invasive than a dental procedure. Instead it took well over 2 minutes, was really quite painful, and if I were trying to count to 100 I would have been repeatedly interrupted by tutting and sighing from the nurse, because apparently my cervix was trying to escape up toward my left kidney, and I needed to contort sideways to let her at it.

I have never shirked a smear (yet) but for many of us they are VERY unpleasant, and focusing on our breathing really does not help much.

[quote Frenchsticks]@BefuddledPerson
It's not about minimising someone's feelings at all. It's about trying to help. How is it helpful to say, for this OP or any other young woman trying to research what their first smear is going to be like who happens upon this thread to say, yes it's awful, you do come away feeling violated. It's also not about saying there is something psychologically wrong with you because you feel this way but it is about acknowledging that you don't need to feel this way. Why is it so wrong to offer basic advice of proven techniques to help the OP process an unpleasant experience? She wasn't violated, she feels she was, but she wasn't. So we can offer advice as to how she can process those feelings so that she understands them better and hopefully doesn't let them overwhelm her by reassuring her that she is safe and she wasn't violated. Or we can just say 'yup, having a smear will always feel like that, nothing you can do about it, good luck for the next 40+ years getting them done.'
The OP asked for help. That's what I offered[/quote]
Completely agree with Frenchsticks who is offering a healthy and positive approach for dealing with the feelings.

Don't know if this has been covered, but I've heard you can say you want to insert the speculum yourself, this could make it feel less violating.

For the first one I had, i felt similar. It wasn't like anything I'd experienced before and wasn't really prepared for the reality.
Unfortunately I've had many gynaecological issues for as long as I can remember and have had so many procedures, examinations etc that I don't give it a second thought anymore, but it has had lasting mental effects. My twin pregnancy was hard going as well - internal examinations, stretch and sweeps, waters broken, 4 hour examinations... I've had an ablation, the mirena coil put in 3 times, hysteroscopies, several more smear tests, sexual health examinations and then this year a termination which went wrong and I was rushed to hospital a couple of weeks later and had to put up with several internal examinations and surgery.
I don't like to have sex anymore because I hate the thought of anyone else messing about with me down there.
I don't think people always realise the toll these invasive procedures can take on a woman.
However, I will continue to have smear tests because as much as I hate the thought of it, I hate the thought of dying from cancer and leaving my sons motherless more.

You dont have to have one. Presumably if you're on this board you've had a child so plenty of drs/midwives have looked at your nether regions I just think of it as any other part of my body, a smear is a very quick procedure.

@Offtothedogs

But there is nothing wrong with smear tests. They are pretty unpleasant, a little embarrassing and yes invasive but are recommended for very good reason, to save lives. Because something isn't nice doesn't mean it's wrong. Nobody likes having one, end of, so gently asking if someone has something in their past which would make it worse than for the average person is normal. I'd rather have a smear than the camera I'm due to have down my throat to be honest!

I think having any instrument placed in an orifice can be traumatic, and even more so when its in your genitals or rectum, as there are other associations with those body parts such as fear, embarrassment or even disgust.

I’ve had smears, internal examinations both vaginally and anally, and had a camera inserted into my stomach via my nose - all are invasive and uncomfortable to a certain degree. Looking back analytically, none have been especially painful apart from a biopsy of my uterus carried out at the same time as having an IUD fitted. The pain of that procedure, albeit very brief, was enough to cause me to faint, much to my embarrassment.

I personally haven’t felt violated with any of these procedures as I see violation to mean having something done without consent, and I think that’s what helps me deal with them. However, I do accept that others may well feel violated.

@Jericoo, I suggest you try to get an appointment with your practice nurse in order discuss your anxiety around such procedures. (I appreciate this may be a telephone appt at the moment). They may well be able to suggest things that could help with your anxiety and feelings of violation to enable you to prepare for any future examinations you may need. Also, do you have a friend who you can talk to who may be able to help you really I understand your responses to this procedure?

Having other women telling you they also feel the same way and saying how awful it is can make you feel better in that you’re not alone, but what you really would benefit from is having support in analysing why you felt that way in order to hopefully not feel quite so bad next time. Changing ones mindset from thinking that you’re having a procedure ‘done to you’ into ‘choosing to have a procedure’ is key here.

Ultimately, you know these procedures are important, as does your GP. It may well be that you’ll need a sedative before your next exam - I actually needed one when I had an MRI scan on my head! Don’t bottle up your fears, speak to someone now, before your feelings become worse.

I hope you find a good way to deal with.