To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

Not sure how many more straws you can clutch at here OP, but hopefully you've gathered by now YABU.

My thoughts exactly! I suppose I didn’t see it as an en suite when there’s an entrance from the hall

And yet you posted this: “All bedrooms are en-suite”.

I think you are being unreasonable, but if you’d rather use the downstairs bathroom then ask your friend it she’d like to swap rooms, and tell her you’d be happy for everyone to use your bathroom , if that’s how you feel. I don’t get the comment about being scared of the toilet at four and eight?

Anyway OP the vast majority on here this you are BU, and your friend has explicitly said she doesn't want you and your children using her bathroom and you should respect her wishes. How about apologising and using either of your two bathrooms from now on?

@MidnightFlit

It's only 'the downstairs toilet' when there's one family staying in the entire house. When there are two families sharing the accommodation, it's the en suite of the downstairs bedroom.

This.

This thread just gives and gives! Was the locked door not a biggish hint to go upstairs?!!

But you haven't used the 'downstairs loo', you have used her en-suite.
If I had the downstairs toilet in a similar situation, i would probably offer it out for others to use to save them going upstairs, but I wouldn't dream of using someone's toilet unless they offered it, and wouldn't take offence if they didn't offer it.

I just couldn't get worked up about someone, especially a child, using 'my' loo, if it's the most convenient then use it! If the children were playing upstairs in one of the bedrooms and needed the loo, is it so awful to just use the nearest one or do they have to go downstairs to use their own one?

YABU.
I always ask my kids every 15-20 minutes if they need the toilet, or I just tell them to go even if they say they don't need to.
You shouldn't be waiting until they are desperate anyway.
It is an invasion of her privacy and it's annoying. You have your own bathroom to use.

It’s not a reverse. Though I will accept the area that’s been handed to me 😬 I honestly didn’t see it as “her” bathroom and like a few other posters thought it was fine to use as to me it’s a downstairs loo with a door off the hallway.

Why are they less scared of the downstairs toilet than the upstairs one? Or are you clutching at straws now...

It's her bathroom, not the downstairs loo, so it would have been polite to give her privacy and sole use of it. People might have all sorts of personal items out in their bathrooms that they don't want others to see eg medication, personal care items.

A lot of people with children only have upstairs toilets so they just run a bit faster....

As it’s an en suite I agree with your friend. Especially at the moment too, nicer to keep to your own bathroom.

@inappropriateraspberry

I just couldn't get worked up about someone, especially a child, using 'my' loo, if it's the most convenient then use it! If the children were playing upstairs in one of the bedrooms and needed the loo, is it so awful to just use the nearest one or do they have to go downstairs to use their own one?

As I posted upthread, it’s irrelevant how many people would be happy for other people to come and poo in their toilet instead of using their own.

The OP’s friend did mind, she dropped a huge hint, and the OP chose to ignore it.

YADefinitely BU

You each have your own bathrooms - use those.

I would have locked the entrance too. Also going into someone else's bedroom is not on. It's her private space.

"I agree it should’ve been settled beforehand but she should have said if she wanted it exclusively for herself and her son"

Oh, and by the way, I expect exclusive use of my ensuite, just as you have exclusive use of yours.'

Really?

@WheresYourSecretSadness, you are coming across as a bit of an entitled PITA. You want to use her en-suite because it saves going upstairs to yours. You chose the upstairs bedroom for your own reasons but that shouldn't prevent you using your friend's bedroom's facilities when you're downstairs.

Get. A. Grip.

And accept that yes, you are being unreasonable.

I honestly didn’t see it as “her” bathroom and like a few other posters thought it was fine to use as to me it’s a downstairs loo with a door off the hallway.

So why did you describe the bedrooms as all “en-suite”?

Regardless of how many doors there are, I'd have taken the view that we each had a bathroom and so avoided using my friend's.

It would take a life and death emergency to "trapse" myself and children through someone else's bedroom without grovelling to ask first.

We've never owned a house with more than one loo. Currently, we have an upstairs bathroom only. Amazingly, we manage to scale the stairs several times a day and trek back down again afterwards.

It was not up to your friend to clarify from the beginning that she didn't want you using her bathroom. Most people would have realised themselves that people use their own bathrooms.

You didn't realise, no real harm done. Just move on and enjoy your holiday.

I don’t get the comment about being scared of the toilet at four and eight?

At the risk of drip feeding - exDH scared the living crap out of DD when she was toilet training by saying the toilet was a person and when the toilet flushed it was screaming 🙄 she’s been scared of toilets ever since and my 4yo has followed suit. So I go with her every time. I strongly suspect it’s why she ends up being desperate as she holds it in. She won’t go at school and comes out desperate. I’ve been to the GP, no medical issues it’s a mental thing.

@ReadySteadyBed

A lot of people with children only have upstairs toilets so they just run a bit faster....

As it’s an en suite I agree with your friend. Especially at the moment too, nicer to keep to your own bathroom.

Excellent point re hygiene at the moment. I'm guessing you used her towel for drying your hands etc. Definitely not polite right now.

@WheresYourSecretSadness

It’s not a reverse. Though I will accept the area that’s been handed to me 😬 I honestly didn’t see it as “her” bathroom and like a few other posters thought it was fine to use as to me it’s a downstairs loo with a door off the hallway.

So the bathroom attached to your room is yours but the bathroom attached to her room is communal for all to use?

Are you sure?

You sound very precious about doing upstairs. Grow up.

And I can’t imagine there is an environment where your children will be closer to a toilet than in a house

Unreasonable! And bloody lazy.

Her only mistake was not locking it from the hall as soon as you all arrived. Agree with pp, in the light of your dc's toiletting problems I think you should offer to change rooms and open up the bathroom to everyone

I agree with everyone else that the downstairs toilet is your friend's ensuite. It may have a door which opens onto the hall, but that is for convenience if the bedroom isn't being used or if the occupier CHOOSES to make it a communal toilet (more likely to happen if the place is booked by one family).

Children can leave it to the last minute to decide that they need the toilet. But a 4 year old should be able to hang on long enough to walk upstairs. Presumably he has started school where he has to hold on long enough to get an adult's attention and then walk from the classroom to the toilets (and is likely to be asked to wait a few minutes if some other children have just gone to the toilet and haven't come back).

Like many others, I grew up in a house with only one toilet and that wad upstairs. It wasn't a big deal.

You were very rude to go through your friend's bedroom without asking.