To have used the downstairs loo?

[WheresYourSecretSadness]

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

Shame on you all!

Such hyperbole @kay1bee. The irony of saying this then telling everyone to chill out ...

Honestly I wouldnt care as long as I wasn't i the bedroom sleeping or changing. Probably draw the line at stinking out my room with a poop just before bed as I wouldnt do that to someone else but for a wee to not have to keep going up and down then fine.

But to be honest - how big is the cottage that it's too much hassle to go upstairs? I've only got upstairs at home so it's not exactly a big issue.

Pretty rude to lock it from the inside instead of just say could you not use it, but also rude to go through her room without asking so I can see both sides of this.

It really wouldn't bother me especially for the children. We've rented places and just used whatever loo is closest

Several things -

Most houses just have one upstairs loo.
It's not abnormal to need to go upstairs.

Why do you need to take
A 4 and 8 yr old to the toilet? Can they not go themselves if it's in the house!!?

I'f it's in her room and it bothers her - just use the upstairs loo. It's not a million miles is it. You're being so dramatic. Just walk up the bloody stairs.

Thinking back to past trips when we shared holiday lets with friends, we all had en-suites (1 per family) and nobody dreamed of using the downstairs ones unless it was their room. Even the people with toddlers managed to get upstairs to change nappies or put them on the potty.

As an aside, our house has a downstairs loo, 2 en-suites and a family bathroom upstairs. Most guests and visitors opt to use the family bathroom, probably because it’s bigger and more private and has a window! Even those with small kids go upstairs.

I think what was unreasonable was that she simply locked the outside access door rather than telling you that she would prefer you to go upstairs. That could have generated a discussion about your child's difficulties (maybe it would have been better to exchange rooms if you don't mind sharing while she does).

As things now stand, the best thing you can do is probably model for your kids how one makes the best of things and still remains friendly. And use the opportunity to teach your kids that they have to think ahead; ask them from time to time whether they have to go (and maybe create an opportunity to do go by asking them to get something upstairs for you), rather than waiting for them to notice.

Another upside: the person who makes the compromises in a relationship always learns more and comes out stronger :-)

At 4 and 7 aren't the kids capable of going to the toilet by themselves?

You should stick to using your own loo. I'm with your friend.

What is your friend supposed to do if her 3 year old desperately needs the loo while you and your children are hogging her bathroom? Is she supposed to go up “all the stairs” that you apparently can’t manage?

Yes stick with your loo. Or next time , find a cottage with a downstair guest bathroom.... with your money. Your friend already paid extra so she didn't have to share bathrooms.

At least bother to read the OP's updates. This was sorted about 5 days ago.

Why is this thread active still 😂 issues been sorted. No more advice or comments is needed for op