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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
whyareyoulying · 26/10/2020 09:59

@WheresYourSecretSadness

She assumed that we would have just used our own she said and was surprised when we started going in hers. Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?
No, because that's her bathroom. You have your own Use it
TidyDancer · 26/10/2020 09:59

I agree with your friend. I do think this is an issue you two should've settled straight away though so she should've said something before now.

You definitely shouldn't have just gone into her bedroom, regardless of the reason.

flamingyawn · 26/10/2020 09:59

I wouldn't have used the nearest one if it was not my en suite you should use your own.

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 10:00

If you really need a downstairs toilet then swap bedrooms so your friend is upstairs and you are down

I need to be next to my DD and go has night terrors sometimes hence why I picked upstairs.

I agree it should’ve been settled beforehand but she should have said if she wanted it exclusively for herself and her son

OP posts:
Tashface · 26/10/2020 10:00

Going against the grain here, but if there's a door from the hall leading into the bathroom - coupled with the fact that there are no other toilets which aren't attached to bedrooms, then that would tell me the bathroom can and should be used by anybody.

TidyDancer · 26/10/2020 10:00

@WheresYourSecretSadness

She assumed that we would have just used our own she said and was surprised when we started going in hers. Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?
I wouldn't have used the nearest one if it was an en suite (unless en suite to my own bedroom). If it was just a toilet or a family bathroom then that's different.
Calic0 · 26/10/2020 10:01

It’s not “the downstairs loo”. It is her en suite bathroom. There’s a difference.

Good job we’re not friends, OP. Our downstairs loo is out of use (we have the cat’s litter tray in there so it’s her bathroom). You’d have to traipse up the stairs every time. Oh, the humanity!

Nonotthisagain · 26/10/2020 10:01

@WheresYourSecretSadness

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

My kids often only tell me last minute when they need the toilet so it can be a mad rush

Yes. Exactly that. And certainly your older kids and no more than old enough to be told not to leave it till the last minute.

Quite apart from anything why should her bathroom have an extra 4 people using it and getting it messy all holiday?

tywysoges · 26/10/2020 10:01

I wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal going through the external door but surely if that door was locked and everyone is in the kitchen, you should’ve taken the hint that your friend wasn’t happy about it. Going into her room without asking is not on.

BrumBoo · 26/10/2020 10:01

Is this a reverse? You are being totally unreasonable! Your children have access to 2 bathrooms but want to use the only one your friend has because it's 'easier'?

You're being rude and entitled.

CoffeeRunner · 26/10/2020 10:02

Stop thinking of it as the downstairs loo.

It’s your friend’s private bathroom. Just like you also have a private bathroom.

Tiberius12 · 26/10/2020 10:02

Definitely unreasonable to use her bathroom and especially go through her bedroom to do so. Surely your children are old enough to use the toilet themselves without you having to traipse up the stairs with them anyway.

CatsAndEyeliner · 26/10/2020 10:02

she should have said if she wanted it exclusively for herself and her son

She did. She gave you a pretty massive hint by locking the door and then when you ignored that she told you.

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 10:02

Did you or the kids leave the bathroom in a mess?

No of course not (my daughter had a poo though 😳)

OP posts:
PatchworkElmer · 26/10/2020 10:03

No, I don’t think everyone would have done it. In an absolute ‘emergency’ I would ask if DS (3) could use it. Surely your children are used to giving some notice? What happens when you go out?

I’d be pretty peed off if my en-suite on holiday became a communal toilet for everyone in the accommodation. Sorry.

BessieSurtees · 26/10/2020 10:03

YABU your kids should never be that desperate that they cant get to a loo without it being in the next room, how do you go on trips? I would be embarrassed that she had to lock the door to give me the hint, especially as they are ensuite.

No I would not have used the nearest one, in the abscence of another loo I would have used the one in my bedroom. You just cant be arsed to take them upstairs really.

kursaalflyer · 26/10/2020 10:04

First I would have sorted it at the beginning of the holiday about using her en-suite. After all you have paid an equal amount I presume but you are getting a dedicated bathroom and she is having to share with 5 others. Second, the door was locked, what does that normally mean? You can't get in! I can't believe you then brazenly walked through her private space to get in the other side! And wouldn't it have been just as quick to go upstairs? I think she's been very calm so far and I hope you have apologised. Why do you have to take your children to the toilet all the time? If they have toiletting needs maybe the downstairs room would have suited you better.

viques · 26/10/2020 10:04

Why are you going upstairs with your older child? She is perfectly capable of taking herself to the bathroom when she needs to. If she leaves it too late and wets herself then that will help her to remember to go in time next time. You might need to take the four year old if there are lots of awkward stairs, but how many times a day does she need to go for goodness sake!

Your friend is quite right, she has paid to stay in the house just like you and her room is her space.if I were her I would use your bathroom a few times, preferably while you are in bed, just to get the message through since polite requests and locking the door don’t seem to have done the trick.

PatchworkElmer · 26/10/2020 10:04

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Did you or the kids leave the bathroom in a mess?

No of course not (my daughter had a poo though 😳)

This is what I mean. She’s paid for her own toilet, you and you children are using it- and for poo, as well as wee. I’d be annoyed.
Sparklingbrook · 26/10/2020 10:04

It makes total sense to stick to your own bathrooms. Especially at the moment, and I agree with others that going through your friend's room is really cheeky, it's not the communal downstairs loo!.

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 10:05

Surely your children are old enough to use the toilet themselves without you having to traipse up the stairs with them anyway.

They’re both scared of the toilet (yes it’s a PITA but it is what it is)

OP posts:
WitchOfTheWest · 26/10/2020 10:05

Yeah you need to use your own bathroom. I wouldn't be impressed if people were traipsing through my bedroom to use the toilet, esp seeing as she then did a poo!

AfterSchoolWorry · 26/10/2020 10:06

I wouldn't have dreamed of using her loo. I think your boundaries might need a little work!

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 10:06

Re trips I use toilets A LOT whenever I see one to minimise the “Mummy I’m desperate” shenanigans

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 26/10/2020 10:06

@WheresYourSecretSadness

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

My kids often only tell me last minute when they need the toilet so it can be a mad rush

You may need to work on your toilet training then. Presumably your children are often more than a minute a way from a toilet and make it. YABU