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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
doctorhamster · 26/10/2020 10:07

Many people don't have a downstairs loo op so your argument about having to traipse upstairs is a bit ridiculous. Stop using your friends en suite and use your own.

HaggisBurger · 26/10/2020 10:07

Also - your thread title is misleading. It’s not the downstairs loo. It’s her en-suite which happens to be on the ground floor.

notacooldad · 26/10/2020 10:07

Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?
Can't you read the replies!

CooperLooper · 26/10/2020 10:08

If I'm understanding this correctly, you have two bathrooms for your family and she has one.

YABVU to keep using hers when you have two allocated bathrooms for your family. Sheer laziness for not wanting to 'traipse' upstairs, seriously.

AcornAutumn · 26/10/2020 10:08

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Surely your children are old enough to use the toilet themselves without you having to traipse up the stairs with them anyway.

They’re both scared of the toilet (yes it’s a PITA but it is what it is)

This thread is mad

I grew up in a house with no downstairs loo. What do they do at school?

Of course there’s no way you should have used your friend’s bathroom, except maybe for dire emergency.

Blueemeraldagain · 26/10/2020 10:08

I agree with @Tashface. It’s not really an en-suite if there is a door to the hallway. That shows that it is designed to be used by those other than the occupants of that room.
Having said that, I wouldn’t have gone through their room to get around the locked door.

Holidaying with friends can be fraught, even more so with kids. If your families are getting along well otherwise, I would let it go.

mrsbyers · 26/10/2020 10:08

Your friend may also be wanting to keep the families toilet activities separate linked to Covid and that should be reason enough to respect her wishes

MrsFezziwig · 26/10/2020 10:09

Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?

As you see from this thread - no it isn’t. And if you’re going to post, then accept what people are telling you instead of trying to justify your actions. Unless the stairs are steeper than the North Face of the Eiger they can’t be that hard to get up. And now you’re saying that you’ve made your friend’s bathroom all stinky.

bonjonbovi · 26/10/2020 10:09

How would you feel if friend went upstairs and used your en suite for a shit?

woodhill · 26/10/2020 10:09

But if there is an entrance from the hall it seems a bit petty especially if they were desperate

gingerbreadfox · 26/10/2020 10:10

@doctorhamster

Many people don't have a downstairs loo op so your argument about having to traipse upstairs is a bit ridiculous. Stop using your friends en suite and use your own.
This! We only have an upstairs bathroom in our house.

OP I think you are being unreasonable. If I was your friend I would be annoyed to.

MidnightFlit · 26/10/2020 10:10

It's only 'the downstairs toilet' when there's one family staying in the entire house. When there are two families sharing the accommodation, it's the en suite of the downstairs bedroom.

notalwaysalondoner · 26/10/2020 10:11

I'm actually with you OP - if it DIDN'T have a door to the hall, then it is a proper en-suite and not designed to be used by people who aren't using that bedroom. But by the sound of it, it is a 'jack and jill' bathroom with two doors, one of which is to the hallway, so it is clearly designed to be used as the downstairs loo by everyone. Therefore I think she is being uptight, especially when you have pre-school children with you. I understand she wouldn't want you to go through her room but she shouldn't have locked the outside loo door then.

HaggisBurger · 26/10/2020 10:11

@MrsFezziwig Unless the stairs are steeper than the North Face of the Eiger they can’t be that hard to get up.

🤣🤣

I’m loving OP’s total refusal to accept she is BU despite everyone posting that she is. Classic.

inappropriateraspberry · 26/10/2020 10:12

I think it's fine to use the downstairs loo. There's a door in the hall for a reason - so you can use it when downstairs! What if you didn't have en-suites, you'd be sharing a loo anyway, or would your friend not stay in a cottage without one?

BrumBoo · 26/10/2020 10:12

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Surely your children are old enough to use the toilet themselves without you having to traipse up the stairs with them anyway.

They’re both scared of the toilet (yes it’s a PITA but it is what it is)

Really? And if that's the case then you should have made the argument for the downstairs toilet for ease of your... toilet frightened children.

You have the upstairs toilet. Thats where you take your children. Its no surprise they demand mummy to take them when you evidently think you can do as you please yourself. I cant imagine the other ways you have been a pain in the arse on this holiday Hmm.

FamilyOfAliens · 26/10/2020 10:12

@WheresYourSecretSadness

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

My kids often only tell me last minute when they need the toilet so it can be a mad rush

“Lots of them”?

Do you mean more than is normal for the staircase between two floors?

And if your children are scared of the toilet, and don’t tell you they need to go until it’s too late to go up one flight of stairs to use their own toilet, you need to make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to the enuresis clinic to help sort this problem out. Not just shrug your shoulders and say “It is what it is”.

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 10:12

@woodhill

But if there is an entrance from the hall it seems a bit petty especially if they were desperate
My thoughts exactly! I suppose I didn’t see it as an en suite when there’s an entrance from the hall
OP posts:
Ginfilledcats · 26/10/2020 10:12

Sorry op I too would use "my bathroom" not someone else's and certainly would have taken the hint with the locked door.

Perhaps use this opportunity to teach your children to tell you they need the toilet with more notice!

It's no big deal, just enjoy the rest of your trip

cheeseismydownfall · 26/10/2020 10:13

Unbelievably rude I'm afraid. Going through your friend's private space so that your daughter can crap in her toilet.

I think your friend has actually been pretty restrained.

notacooldad · 26/10/2020 10:13

But if there is an entrance from the hall it seems a bit petty especially if they were desperate
How desperate can they be. It doesn't sound like they've come in from a day trip desperate for a loo. They just need the toilet while they were in the cottage.
Even if there is an entrance coming from the hall the op knows it is in the personal space of her mate.

FamilyOfAliens · 26/10/2020 10:13

@inappropriateraspberry

I think it's fine to use the downstairs loo. There's a door in the hall for a reason - so you can use it when downstairs! What if you didn't have en-suites, you'd be sharing a loo anyway, or would your friend not stay in a cottage without one?
But they do have en-suites.

And the OP’s friend does mind, hence her dropping the hint by locking the door. A hint which the OP failed to take, and did what she wanted to do anyway.

TokyoSushi · 26/10/2020 10:14

OP! You're being completely unreasonable! Or this is a reverse.

I have a 7 year old, I have absolutely nothing to do with her going to the toilet, she goes by herself whenever she wants, your DD should use her own bathroom, or yours. I assume you can take care of yourself and therefore should use your own and the 4 year old should be perfectly capable of making it 'all the way' up the stairs too! It's not the downstairs loo, it's your friends ensuite.

AhoyMeFarties · 26/10/2020 10:14

🙄 I can't understand on any level why you thought this was OK
Is this a reverse?

Givemeabreak88 · 26/10/2020 10:14

This is funny I only have an upstairs toilet in my house so me and the kids need to “traipse” upstairs every time we need the toilet 😂