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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
Summerfreeze · 26/10/2020 10:29

maybe she already has a bit of a bum deal

Childish sniggering.

This thread keeps on giving.

OP you are massively rude to use her bathroom. Even if you didn't realise it was rude at first, the locked door and then traipsing through her room was awful. You should be so mortified.

NoParticularPattern · 26/10/2020 10:29

I mean I think I’d have got the hint when she had locked the hallway door from inside. I mean surely it took longe to go round than it would have to have nipped upstairs? But I’d be slightly Hmm that she hadn’t just said something instead of clearly silently fuming about it and then passive aggressively locking the door and only saying something when asked. If there’s a door from the hallway it suggests it’s generally used as a communal toilet and it not unreasonable to do so. But I’d definitely have got the hint when she locked it

DrManhattan · 26/10/2020 10:29

Too funny. Bet she doesn't go on holiday with you again. I'd be fuming. Its so rude

Oniumty · 26/10/2020 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

stackemhigh · 26/10/2020 10:30

I asked her to take the downstairs room as I wanted to be next to DD as she has night terrors

Your reasons are understandable OP, but maybe it’s hard for her when most of you are upstairs and she’s downstairs with 3yo?

Original poster
WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 10:30

If you go to the toilet with your 8 year old every time... what on earth does she do when at school?

She doesn’t go. She often comes out of school holding her hands between her legs 🙄 if I could wave a magic wand and make her not scared I would but sadly it’s not that easy. It’s why she can’t have play dates unless it’s family Sad

OP posts:
Aragog · 26/10/2020 10:30

Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?

No, definitely not - especially not when both are en-suite.

Florencex · 26/10/2020 10:30

I cannot believe the cheek of you, I would be really annoyed by this. You have your own bathroom.

Even if you didn’t have to go through the bedroom to get to the bathroom, there are two bathrooms, two families and I would “designate” this one as their bathroom and use my own. Her locking the door from the hallway was a very clear signal that she doesn’t want to share bathrooms.

Teddy1970 · 26/10/2020 10:30

So basically you want everyone to agree with you? It's really rude to use your friends ensuite as if it was a downstairs cloakroom off the utility.. Very misleading title OP.

MaizeBlouse · 26/10/2020 10:31

Yep sorry OP but I'm with the majority. I wouldn't like it either (though would be too much of a wimp to admit it!).

BrumBoo · 26/10/2020 10:32

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Who chose the downstairs room?

I asked her to take the downstairs room as I wanted to be next to DD as she has night terrors

So you make her take the downstairs room and then make use of her bathroom anyway? If your toddler gets tired, do you get him to nap in her bed for convenience as well?

Well, I wouldn't worry about this being a longterm issue between you. I get the feeling your friend won't consider another holiday with you, hell I'd be reconsidering any future friendship from the sheer entitlement coming from your posts.

stackemhigh · 26/10/2020 10:32

@Teddy1970

So basically you want everyone to agree with you? It's really rude to use your friends ensuite as if it was a downstairs cloakroom off the utility.. Very misleading title OP.
Drama llama much? OP has not said she wants everyone to agree with her. Stop trying to incite a pile on.
user27378 · 26/10/2020 10:32

OP, you obviously live in a deluded middle class bubble. I've never once lived in a house with a downstairs 'loo'. Of course I absolutely don't accompany my 7 or even my 3 year old up the stairs when they need to go. If your 7/8 year old is too scared to go to the toilet alone you have a much bigger problem. What on earth does she do at school?

ArcheryAnnie · 26/10/2020 10:33

@WheresYourSecretSadness

Who chose the downstairs room?

I asked her to take the downstairs room as I wanted to be next to DD as she has night terrors

I think if you made the arrangements then you have to accept the outcome, otherwise it does rather look as if what's yours is yours and what's hers is also yours.

Generations of kids have managed growing up in houses where there was only one toilet, upstairs. I'm sure your children will be fine. As someone said upthread, unless you live in a lighthouse then it really isn't a problem.

Lozz22 · 26/10/2020 10:33

@WheresYourSecretSadness

She assumed that we would have just used our own she said and was surprised when we started going in hers. Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?
Erm no
notacooldad · 26/10/2020 10:33

Those saying the op has her own private bathroom, has she said she doesn't want anyone else to use it?
Its not the point.
The ops friend us uncomfortable with her and her kids going thr8her vedtmroom.
As the downstairs loo is a jack and Jill style en-suite it makes perfect sense to lock the hall facing door.
Personaly I think you should just apologise, stuck to your own rooms, carry on with your day and have a nice time and sort your kids' trauma with specialists when you get home.

stackemhigh · 26/10/2020 10:33

@BrumBoo

Well, I wouldn't worry about this being a longterm issue between you. I get the feeling your friend won't consider another holiday with you, hell I'd be reconsidering any future friendship from the sheer entitlement coming from your posts.

Or maybe now OP knows how her friend feels they can move on from this? No need to try and break up the friendship.

m0therofdragons · 26/10/2020 10:34

So you all have an en-suite loo and in the morning you can walk happily into your loo knowing it’s free but friend has to share. Yabu

LittleTiger007 · 26/10/2020 10:34

@WheresYourSecretSadness

So even if we are literally next to the downstairs bathroom door we should go upstairs (the stairs are steep and there’s a lot of them) to use the loo?

My kids often only tell me last minute when they need the toilet so it can be a mad rush

Kids aged 4 & 8 were toilet trained by age 2/3 therefore they don’t wet the bed at night ... they can hold it in in other words. And hopefully can run upstairs. Also an 8 year old will be expected to use the toilet at playtime only at school, so she is therefore able to not have an accident on the way upstairs. This would be the response in non covid times. But currently it is imperative they use the family toilet. Going through someone else’s bedroom when they have made it clear they don’t want you doing that is frankly shocking.
LavaCake · 26/10/2020 10:34

I think en-suites are a different concept to shared bathrooms so I wouldn’t have used it either.

I hope you can get your DD the help she needs - it sounds like a difficult situation Flowers

Brefugee · 26/10/2020 10:34

Isn’t this what everyone would’ve automatically done - gone in the nearest one?

not in someone's ensuite, no. You were being VVU. Blimey.

Daisydoesnt · 26/10/2020 10:36

How would you feel if friend went upstairs and used your en suite for a shit?

^Quite! Imagine your friend was upstairs with her daughter, in her daughter's bedroom, and decided to use your bathroom for a poo because she couldn't be bothered to "traipse" downstairs!!!

Tiersforfears · 26/10/2020 10:36

@WheresYourSecretSadness
My 3 year old goes to the loo alone- do your children just not take themselves off to the loo when they need it? (At home not out and about) however having said that I think your friend is mad and the replies on this thread are mad. If I’m close enough to go away with someone I’m close enough to wee in the same loo. I assume you’re clean and not leaving it in a terrible state? I’d rather you used the door entrance from the hall than going through the bedroom in case I hadn’t made the bed or whatever but that’s it.

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 26/10/2020 10:36

I’ve never lived in a house with a downstairs loo in 28 years of parenthood. Bursting toddlers & infants have always been whizzed upstairs to the loo. Yes, it’s inconvenient but by god, with all the stairs I now have thighs I can crack walnuts with.

Respect your friend’s privacy.

Teddy1970 · 26/10/2020 10:37

It's not creating drama, the OP asked the question she got answers which she doesn't like, you see it time and time again on here..