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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have used the downstairs loo?

763 replies

WheresYourSecretSadness · 26/10/2020 09:50

At a holiday cottage with a friend and each of our 2 kids. The cottage has 3 bedrooms - 1 downstairs 2 upstairs - and all bedrooms are en suite. There’s no other bathrooms or toilets.

I’m in an upstairs bedroom with 4yo DS, my friend is downstairs with her 3yoDS and our girls (7 and 8) are sharing the other upstairs bedroom.

When we’ve been downstairs and me or my kids have needed the toilet we’ve gone to the downstairs one, which is attached to my friend’s room. There’s a door entrance from the hall. This morning they both needed the loo so I took them to the downstairs toilet, but the door from the hallway was locked, it had been locked from inside the toilet. My friend and her kids were in the kitchen so we went through her bedroom to go to the loo.

She was a bit huffy when I came out and I asked what was wrong. She said she’s not happy about us going through her bedroom as its an invasion of her privacy. Fair enough, but my kids were desperate for the loo. She then said that she’d like us to use our own bathrooms for the toilet! Meaning I have to traipse upstairs every time me or the kids need the loo! Not ideal especially when they’re desperate. I (reluctantly) agreed but I think she’s being a bit precious and don’t think it’s a big deal at all sharing a bathroom? If it was me in the downstairs bedroom I honestly wouldn’t mind.

AIBU for using the downstairs loo or is she being precious about “her” bathroom?

OP posts:
rozee83 · 27/10/2020 23:11

@Pinkfluff76 I totally agree with you. It’s a bloody holiday let. Clearly designed to have shared access off the hallway. It’s not like she’s just bowled in her friends room. Simple. Don’t lock the sodding door from the hallway! Good god... do people really get the hump over these things? You sure she wants to share the use of the kitchen utensils?! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Next time you holiday with this friend, get seperate abodes.

Mamanyt · 27/10/2020 23:16

I'm afraid that I agree with the majority, here. If your children were 2 and 4 years old, I might feel very differently. However, at their ages, a trip up the stairs should not be that big a problem.

Jenstar123 · 27/10/2020 23:17

This has to be a joke post....
So your DD can cross her legs all day at school but can’t manage it up one set of stairs to use the toilet so you ‘trapsed’ her through your friends bedroom so she could have a shit in her on suite bathroom and you don’t see the problem 😂

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/10/2020 23:23

OP

Good for you on coming back to the thread to update.

Glad you talked this out with your friend. I hope all of you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

And I hope you manage to get practical support to deal with your kids' toilet phobia.

Best wishes Flowers

Hmm1234 · 27/10/2020 23:58

Use your own bathroom upstairs. Surely it’s not that hard to climb some stairs and your probably used to doing that at home.
Friend or family member I would be annoyed too.

lightsout · 27/10/2020 23:59

I didn’t think you were unreasonable in using a downstairs bathroom that has access from a shared space like a hallway necessarily, but you then going through her bedroom to access it was wrong and if you saw it was locked should have just gone upstairs and had a chat about it.
I mean she could have just said oi stop being cheeky use your own loo instead of locking it for you to figure out but definitely YABU

ellyeth · 28/10/2020 00:42

There are still some families who only have an upstairs toilet/bathroom you know - mine is one of them! I don't see it as a huge chore to go upstairs to the loo - unless a person has mobility issues of course.

I'm sorry but I do think you're being a bit unreasonable.

CatAndHisKit · 28/10/2020 01:26

How is this a 28-page thread?! Shock

weezypops · 28/10/2020 02:18

I’m so surprised at the response here. I would think that a door off a communal area marks it out as a common space. In this case it sounds like a downstairs bathroom that has the bonus of a door to the bedroom.

Zyzxyz · 28/10/2020 03:06

This is why you should go alone on vacations. People are weird about things that don't actually matter.

Blueberries0112 · 28/10/2020 03:17

I lived in a three bedrooms home and ONE bathroom and a family of 7

But now I have three bathrooms in our house (main bedroom bathroom, hallway bathroom for guests and kids and basement bathroom) and with me with a weak bladder, I would definitely take the risk and go through their bedroom bathroom. Yeah I am terrible

jessstan1 · 28/10/2020 03:24

@PrincessFiorimonde

OP

Good for you on coming back to the thread to update.

Glad you talked this out with your friend. I hope all of you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

And I hope you manage to get practical support to deal with your kids' toilet phobia.

Best wishes Flowers

So do I.
It's good that you are still friends.
Mariola212 · 28/10/2020 03:33

Omg, would not be happy with kids shitting in my en suite when they have own toilet ten seconds away.

eaglejulesk · 28/10/2020 03:36

I wouldn't care less if people wanted to use my en-suite as the downstairs loo - the fact that it has a hallway door sort of leads to that being its purpose. However, as your friend had locked the hallway door then yes, YABU to have traipsed through her bedroom to get to it without bothering to ask first.

Lennie16 · 28/10/2020 06:26

It’s not the downstairs loo, it’s the en-suite of your friend. YABU, explain to your children so they learn manners.

notacooldad · 28/10/2020 07:04

I’m so surprised at the response here. I would think that a door off a communal area marks it out as a common space. In this case it sounds like a downstairs bathroom that has the bonus of a door to the bedroom
The door off the hall gives it an option to be a communal bathroom but with it being a jack and Jill set up also gives it the option to be an ensuite.
Seeing that the op has two bathrooms between her and the two kids it makes sense that the friend has her own space as well.
The good thing about the jack and Jill style is it could be locked at the bedroom end to stop visitors from going in. Or it can be locked hall end to create an en suite.

wirldsgonemad · 28/10/2020 07:13

You should use your own loo upstairs, it would bother me too, using my loo all the time and then walking through the bedroom without permission, anything could have been lying around!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 28/10/2020 07:35

You’re friend was trying to tactfully point out that she was unhappy with you using the bathroom by locking it. You should have gone upstairs at that point. By going into her room you made it even worse, I’m not surprised she was pissed off with you

Glad to hear you’re now using your own loos and that all is ok

Clockwork99 · 28/10/2020 07:47

As you can access through the hallway yanbu. Though YABU if you went through the room without giving the heads up... That is an invasion of privacy.

Doesn't make sense that the upstairs toilet is for 4 people and 2 for the downstairs. Especially traipsing up and down during the day. For the sake of the friendship I'd just allow this, and remember this the next time you go on holiday with her!

Maireas · 28/10/2020 07:54

Clockwork99 each bedroom has an en suite. 3 bathrooms in all. I don't get why going upstairs is such an effort. "traipsing"?
I've never in my life had a downstairs loo, yet somehow managed going upstairs. Unless you have a disability, it really shouldn't be a problem.

Othering · 28/10/2020 08:01

Thank god he's an ex OP and is now out of your lives. What a vile man. I hope you and your children thrive without the abusive twat.

DianaT1969 · 28/10/2020 08:05

You don't see her point of view. You walked through her bedroom without asking. You are lazy and you're teaching your children to be lazy. You make silly excuses for your children's behaviour and your own. Yes, your boundaries need looking at. You are probably pissing her off a million other ways, based on this.

Clockwork99 · 28/10/2020 08:05

Maireas missed that from the first paragraph Halloween Grin

I still stand by my comment though. MN seems very particular about toilets! As long as it's not left in a state, I don't see the ptoglem. If you can access it from the hallway, then it's communal unless her friend mentioned this ... Locking the hallway entrance is PA.

In terms of traipsing. If you are downstairs why the need to go further when there is a functioning toilet closer? Bit too precious on loos!

Maireas · 28/10/2020 08:11

I would see it as an invasion of the friend's privacy. Hardly a problem to go upstairs unless you are disabled or have D+V. I don't see why her bathroom is the communal one, it seems a bit lazy.

Clockwork99 · 28/10/2020 08:24

Maireas definitely going through the bedroom was a no no without permission.

But in general if there is a toilet downstairs in a holiday venue I would imagine it is communal when you can access it from the hall (otherwise why have a door in the first place).

this could have all been avoided if:

  1. friend had mentioned she'd like the bathroom to her self (fair request)
  2. OP didnt go through someone's room

a simple conversation would have avoided this!